New here. I realise I need help and need to keep gaming. By my nature I am generally old-fashioned, romantic and hate playing games. Wish I could just let my guard down with a girl, but it is clear I can't.
I realise this got long, so I broke it up into parts. It should be possible to skip straight to breakup and reconciliation for the tldr version. Happy to re-write more succinctly if this is also overly long. Thanks guys!
A bit about me. I have my own very successful company with a strong growth trajectory. I dress very well and am generally regarded as very intelligent. These were probably things that attracted my girlfriend to me. People at her work have high regard for me and I didn't realise before I started dating her but apparently they talk a lot about me. Our companies collaborate on a few things so her bosses (the CEO/COO and two other employees in her company) say very positive things about my intelligence and ability.
She chased me in the early days, asking me for coffee/drinks etc. which I put off for a while. We eventually had drinks, spent time together and a relationship blossomed. I really like this girl. Perhaps was too intense. Fell in love way too fast. When I told her I loved her but that I understand if she feels she had to take her time she said it might be a while.
Along the way she tried to warn me many many times that I should be more secure in our relationship, less needy, etc. At times I was and that made her message me/call me often. Btu then I would slip up and push her away. To be perfectly frank I am a needy bitch. Haven't been out with that many girls. Spent too much time focusing on getting ahead in life and simply reduced everything else like going out and socialising to a minimum. The fact that this gorgeous, sweet creature was so enthralled by me was perhaps a bit too much for me. She was really sweet. She still is. So it was hard to fight my feelings for her. We'd make love, and we would lie in bed and she would cuddle me all night long. There were nights she'd tell me she's never felt so close to anyone.
The break up
One of those days we stayed up all day building ikea furniture and talking and laughing. she'd kiss me and hug me a lot. we went out for a walk and drinks later. she talked about how we'd get married, etc.
The next evening she came over from work. This was a Tuesday night. We cuddled, kissed. did stuff. I gave her a massage. I wanted to have sex but she didn't -- said was way too exhausted after work and had slept 4 hours. We argued. She said maybe we should breakup. Wednesday morning came and I told her that let's spend one last evening together on Friday night and if she wanted to break up on saturday morning I won't fight it. She agreed. I left her at the underground station. She hugged and kissed me.
On friday I had flowers sent to her work. she called to thank me. told me how beautiful they were. in the evening she came over. But she had made up her mind. she said she needed to breakup. or at least she needed time apart. but she said it might be a week, weeks, months, years... or 50 years. She felt that she was hurting me because she couldn't feel as strongly for me as she should. she blamed not wanting sex that night on herself -- that maybe she should be feeling like it to make me happy... This is the real reason I regret all this so much, because she's the kind of sweetheart who, even when clearly I farked up that night, blames it on herself rather than on me... She said ever since she was a girl that I tick every box in the guy she's ever wanted. but that if she doesn't feel the way she should to make me happy then perhaps she shouldn't keep doing this.
we talked about other stuff, and she left a bit upset and flustered. said she'd come back for her stuff another day.
I spent saturday and sunday not messaging her. until sunday night she sends a message asking me how I am. 20 mins later she asks if I am ignoring her. I responded the next morning. this went in for a couple of days with me being casual. she asked why I was being cold. I said I was just settling into not being in a relationship and wasn't this what she wanted. she said "Yes sorry. I just don't know what you're like when not in a relationship."
next morning (thursday) she messaged me again to tell me "the flowers you gave me are still incredibly beautiful" (they were her favourites) and sent a pic of them. and she said that I made her feel like a princess. And that I took such good care of her. And all sorts of complimentary things. I ended up calling her. i asked her if she thought we were great together. She said she thought the good times were really good! I told her, I know this was intense and you need space. i respect that. but when she's ready whether we could start dating again. And I said, it would be silly to throw such a good thing away over an argument. She laughed and sounded really happy, and said I was really selling it to her. but that she needed more time. I asked her if she would be the one to reach out to me when she's ready. She said "Sounds like a plan!" and sounded happy.
I hung up. Didn't hear from her for many days. on day 5, evening she sent me a message. It was casual and friendly. asked how i was. went back and forth. the next day she asked if we could go out next week on tuesday. I said yes. but then she said her parents are in town and that she might have to reschedule but that "I'm so sorry. I really want to spend time with you next week. can I let you know when I know more?" I was happy regardless. I said yes. we have been messaging back and forth since. tuesday is two days away now. Our texts have been just friendly. when i stop texting her she usually picks it up the next day asking how i am. I never initate texts except for today (sunday), when I messaged her first to ask her how she was and to wish her for easter. she promptly responded with a "Thank you! You too! " I replied with a "thanks!"
Q1. is this bad that she's being casual? I am being casual too. I am afraid I will get friendzoned.
Q2. I havent; brought up our date next week. This is good isn't it? Should I just be fun and interesting and just have a convo and not make any moves on her when we go out? I was thinking perhaps best to let her come to me?
I would really appreciate answers to this and any other advice to get her back