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  1. #1
    Stammer_9124 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Weirdest relationship, Am I getting the run-around? SO confused...

    Hey guys, I’m writing you the story of me and the ex in hope that you can help me make a few logical, effective actions to redirect my confidence, my Mindset and the friendship/relationship itself. I’m sure this story is the epitome of terrible game and selfish behavior, as I made mistake after mistake which tore her love and trust to pieces, and it’s at the point where I’ve become neurotic and depressed, desperately trying to pull myself back together and build confidence. I’m sure I will get flamed and chirped here for treating this girl like shit, but Karma has already hit me hard and I don’t have anyone else other than you guys on this forum to reach out to for help. Get your popcorn ready, and I’ll try to keep it short and sweet and share only the major, defining details.

    Winter 2009 to Summer 2010: I broke up with a girl (Megan) I was dating for one year in December 2009 (my first year of University). I was 18 and made a profile on POF, where I got a girl’s number (Kate). We chatted on MSN (“old school”, I know) for a few weeks, I got her to open up to me, and she liked to reveal dirty little secrets about her and what she liked when I asked. In late January 2010 I went to her apartment for her first time (I still lived at home, and she was 20 and in her 3rd year at the same University as me). We hit it off nicely, and laughed and smiled constantly while we were together. We both had busy schedules and saw each other once in February and once in March after having sex in early April (I was her 7th and she was my 2nd), although I told her she was my 9th. By the way I would talk, text and act she thought I was a player and she was really reluctant to open her heart to me, even though she really enjoyed spending time with me. I told all of my guy friends that Kate was so cool, and that she was just like chilling with one of the guys, I would just go over, I did a bit of what she liked and she wanted to do whatever I liked, we had drinks at times, laughed and teased each other constantly, and she was always so horny and made sure I knew it. We chilled a few times after that, and during the Summer she started seeing her ex occasionally, who she always told me was such an asshole to her, and that they would argue all of the time, he made her cry and would just get frustrated and leave. She messaged me a few times during the Summer and really liked that I did my own thing, played it cool, but really listened to her and made her feel happy when she would message me.
    Summer 2010 – Fall 2010: I rekindled a new flame with my ex from 9th/10th grade – Dani. I always thought she was absolutely gorgeous, bright blue eyes, fair skin, freckles, brown, blonde and natural red hair all-in-one, full lips, tight body with a big booty. We were both seeing other people occasionally, but spent a fair amount of time together and got very close again. She loved to messaged me and tell me how horny she was and how she couldn’t wait until the rare days when her parents left so I could go over and fark her. She always sent me pictures of her masturbating, and her soaked bed sheets after she squirted everywhere. In fall 2010, after the new school year started, Kate started messaging me and opening up to me more again after things didn’t work out with her ex. She knew I really liked Dani, but Dani was usually too busy with school and work and the fact that we both lived at our parents made it difficult to have intimacy so I started going to Kate’s place and we spent more and more time together. Kate even helped me shop for a nice frame, paper and decorations for a poem that she knew I worked long and hard on for Dani’s birthday. Kate really liked me a lot and always got a little sad with me because she knew how much I liked Dani. After hanging out a few more times with Dani, we went our separate ways in November. She started seeing more guys, and liked guys who were more independent (had their own place), because she could go sleep there, get wild, and escape from home. She was really confused about her past relationship at this point, and wanted to be promiscuous and have some fun and I couldn’t blame her.

    Winter 2010 to Fall 2011: It didn’t take me much to get over Dani, Kate would always message me to come over when she had free time between school and work, and if I wasn’t busy I would come over, do my homework at her place and we would have a great night. At this point, she still thought I was a player and she was reluctant to open up her heart to me too much, and we kept things quite physical, but the sex only happened on occasion. She thought I was one of the nicest guys she ever met, she felt like I really listened to her and understood her, I would help her with any problem she had and just be there to encourage her. We ended up having an eye-opening conversation where I told her I wasn’t a player, and she thought I was bullshitting for the longest time. Eventually she realized that I wasn’t and told me that was the only thing keeping her from opening up to me more, she was especially surprised when I told her she was only my second. In winter 2011, I slept at her place 3 times per week, I would almost always skip my first class in the morning as she would wake up and beg me to stay, giving me kisses, making me breakfast and giving me all of the incredible head I could handle. She told me how much she loved and craved my cum in her mouth and all over her ass and back. She met me at the door in lingere when I came over, and I would always tease her in the kitchen with my cock while she made Supper. That semester, after missing so many classes, my grades suffered, and I maintained a C average, after being used to a B+ to A+ range my entire life. I was quite lost and depressed about things and she was always there to help me keep my head up, to put a smile on my face and she supported my decisions 100% and even helped me change programs (to Psychology major, Science minor). Everything continued to go very well over the Summer, I met her family a couple times and they liked me. Unfortunately, this is where everything turned around. I don’t know what it was, but by Fall 2011, I started considering other girls again. I was in an incredible, new and exciting situation with this Kate, but that begin to fade ever so slightly. I definitely began to take her for granted, it really seemed like there was no end to the lengths she would go to please me, to satisfy me in and out of the bedroom. I began testing her limits, and often ditched her to chill with my guy friends longer, and although she was sad, this didn’t become too big of a problem. In Fall of 2011, I had no password on my phone and got caught texting other girls. She was absolutely heartbroken. I told her, that yes, I fantasized about other girls occasionally, and I had recently started flirting with a couple girls. This eventually led to our first breakup shortly after, and we only saw each other occasionally. In December, I told her she was the only one I really wanted, and apologized for what I did, we got closer again that month, and went to an awesome new years party with some of our best friends, where poured my heart out to her on the dance floor, asked her to be girl and we made-up. Things were going very good again, but her trust was damaged, although it slowly returned in the coming months.
    Spring 2012: She graduated from her Nursing program, and got a good position at the main hospital in our city. Since she landed a good job, she was looking for a house, and I went with her to view them. She still talked like we had a future together. She included me in some of her decisions, and even though she didn’t outright say it, I know she wanted for me to get my act together and make things work really bad. Everything was going very well again, although the trust had not completely returned, which I made even more difficult by often going out with my friends instead of her. She told me many times that she knew I cared for her, but not as much as I claimed, and that I constantly put myself ahead of her, especially when she needed me most. I knew this to be true, but looking at everything in retrospect, it was much a much worse than I thought at the time, and ultimately was a persistent problem that lead to us incrementally drifting apart.
    Summer 2012: Things were looking up for most of the Summer. I went on a trip with her and her parents where they finally got to know me a little, and they did like me. I visited them with her in her hometown and she showed me all around where we grew up. We were having sex every moment we could be alone at her parent’s place. Everything felt so right, we were so happy. I helped her and her family pack and move into her new house, which went great, except that I invited some friends to help out and I went to their place with them for an hour right in the middle of the move, and her family saw that it hurt her, and that me and her were fighting and I didn’t take her side. This same month, I travelled with her to get a puppy (she already had one dog), and I spent a lot of time with her raising the little guy. But, yet again at my friend’s party at the end of the Summer, I made things worse. She was coming to meet me for a long walk back to her place, I wasn’t supposed to drink, and I was wasted. When she arrived, she saw my hand on a girls hip, talking very closely to her. She was absolutely pissed. We left the party, only to argue during the entire walk. I eventually got mad, blazed off and left her looking for me in the middle of the night, 40 minutes away from her place.

    Fall 2012: Things were extremely rocky at this point, I was trying to be nice to her and make it up to her, but she wasn’t buying it. I still ditched her for my friends at times, didn’t show up when she needed me most, and I started talking to other girls again, and she knew about it, which made everything worse. I walked out on her one day when we were arguing to go see my friends and she broke up with me. She said she was completely over me, that I could never redeem myself, and that she would never have the same feelings for me that she once did.
    December 2012: After only seeing each other a couple times per week in October and November, which went somewhat well. I really started to treat her better in December. Things were good that month. I got the slightest bit of trust back, got her to like me as a friend and really enjoy my company again, although she was hesitant about everything, she never looked for a man elsewhere. She came down with me and my friends to a New Years party again, where we got closer and had fun. She was very stressed a few times that weekend, but I always managed to be her Anchor and she really liked that.

    Winter 2013: during the Month of January, I went over to her place often, I was treating her good, not ditching her for my friends, helping her out with everything and I was there for her when she was down. Again, a little trust started to develop, and the sex came back. But, it was a little different this time. We didn’t have all that much sex together. For the most part, she was like my cruel mistress. She teased me, and played with my cock until I was about to cum, and stop. She rarely ever let me cum, she would just get extremely turned on by making me precum and tasting it. She would always masturbate in front of me and tell me what she wanted me to do to her, she wore lingere again. She gave me specific orders and I followed them, I even talked to her completely respectfully, saying please and thank you, begging. I was her little boy toy and honestly. I really liked it. It got us slowly closer, and we shared a lot of fantasies together, but the power was shifted very far on her side.
    February 2013: Over the last month, she got my sexual imagination flowing. We got closer, but I did everything for her, cooked, cleaned, went out with her to do errands, just for her to like me again, just to feel her touch. She went to work one night and told me I’ve been so good to her lately and if I shovelled the driveway and cleaned the house a little, that she might make me cum in the morning. I started cleaning, but a girl (Jen) called me and asked to wanted to hangout, her parents were home, and I didn’t want to leave so I invited her over. Big mistake. We had incredible sex, it felt so good for a girl to want me so bad, to scratch me and kiss me everywhere, she was so horny for me. Jen left a couple hours later and I continued to clean. I don’t know why, but I started drinking, I guess I felt ashamed, wanted to ignore or forget about what just happened and escape my responsibility. I ended up taking many shots of hard liquor, and although I got most of the cleaning done, I puked in her washroom, failed miserably at cleaning it and went to nap in her bed for a few minutes to stop my head from spinning. I obviously set my alarm wrong. What was supposed to be fifteen minute nap, resulted in me waking me up to her yelling and crying like I never heard before. She figured something weird happened the night before, and looked in my phone and saw that I invited Jen over. Things have quite simply not been the same since this happened, and to this day, it’s probably the single memory that both of us wish we could erase more than anything.
    Spring 2013: Surprisingly, we still spent a lot of time together. I was desperately trying to keep us together as friends. Again, I was helping her with errands, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of her dogs. She fell into a deep depression, her confidence and self-esteem were at an all-time-low. She’s always had a little difficulty keeping weight off, usually between 150-165 pounds since I met her, standing at 5ft5. She was between 180-185Ibs for a few months at this point. She lost interest in everything, and just chilled with me, watching movies and smoking weed with me day in and day out (we had just started doing this together in December 2012). Her life consisted of chilling with me, seeing her cousins and work. I was also depressed and extremely regretful at this point. I was stressed and losing weight while she gained. She kept telling me that I did the damage and that I couldn’t fix her. She’s never trusted me or felt safe with me again since this incident. Her sex drive was once so high and did not even exist anymore. I spend a lot of time with her, tried to show her I would be there for her no matter what (and I was for a long period of time), but it seemed that things wouldn’t work out.

    Summer 2013: After spending so much time together during the spring, we decided to spend a little time apart and only saw each 3-4 times per week, which was actually considered “time apart” since we were together 6 times per week for months. She started to feel better about herself, got back into healthier habits, healthy eating, and exercised often with her friends and cousins. All I did all Summer was spend my spare time with my friends and party. She got a little closer to me at different points during the Summer, and she liked my company, but our sex life was non-existent. I had a few fark buddies during the Summer, which was OK, but nothing spectacular. While she was improving and really getting over me, I spent the Summer in a bit of a Haze, I was lost more than ever in life and simply had no motivation or direction. I just wanted things to go back to how they were when we really loved each other, before I ruined everything. I wanted to feel loved, and did not find that anywhere just having sex with randoms. I felt so unsatisfied in every area of my life, except perhaps with my friends. I walked around skinnier, often getting sick, more unconfident and confused as ever and just partied to escape my sad reality and the fact that I was doing nothing to improve things.
    Fall 2013: The new school year began and we started drifting away. I continued seeing fark buddies from Summer, and started to like a girl somewhat, but Kate was still by far #1 in my heart. She was feeling a lot happier and more confident than she had 6 months prior. When we did spend time together, half of it was me just trying to get her to like me and do everything for her again. I was still not putting work into myself at this point. She realized by now, that what she wanted in a guy has changed a lot since she’d been with me. She realized that she wants a real man, someone who can take care of themselves, who is independent, self-assured, confident and who can treat her like a woman. She started seeing a guy (Dan) from POF, in late October and really liked him. They had sex on the third date, and she said he was really understanding that she was hesitant about sex, that her sexual history was really weird for the last couple years, and apparently he took things slow and he set the mood right. They smoked weed together often (it gets her really horny), and she liked the sex with him. She told me that it was good but not as good as when we farked. And in a sense, it was better with him because she wouldn’t regret anything after, she felt safe and cared for. She was hanging out with me a few times in between hanging out with him, and she told him that. This got in his head a little, and he didn’t really trust her. They hung out together for two weeks, when I told her I couldn’t be friends with her anymore, while this was going on, she was absolutely heartbroken and crying, and she couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just be friends, why I couldn’t be happy she found someone she likes. She really liked that he wasn’t all emotional and full of tension around her (like I was). She could just be herself around him, and things were chill when they saw each other. She liked that he wasn’t always at her place like I was and she didn’t felt smothered, she also especially liked that he had his own place she could go to sometimes, and that he had a job slightly out of town so he wasn’t so available. Nevertheless, she asked to see e two weeks later, and after me and Kate hung out a few times, although she assured him that she had no desire for me, and nothing would ever happen, it really got in his head, they argued, and they stopped seeing eachother. Honestly, as sad as it sounds, I was happy and she knew it. She knew I thought I might have a chance with her, but she knew she wouldn’t give me one.

    December 2013: Just a week and a half after things fell through with Dan, at the start of December, she went on a date with another guy from POF (Vic). He was also independent, he had a good job, and was 26 – the same age as Dan (Kate is 24 and I’m 22). I was absolutely pissed about this, and walked out after she said she farked him (on the 3rd date). We wouldn’t see each other until New Years day at this point. This lit a fire up under my ass, I was doing great in school this month, took care of a lot of things I’d been putting aside, worked out every day, ate properly and gained a lot of muscle. I started talking to a few girls too. I actually noticed that up to December 29th, she’d been reading my Facebook conversations with other girls (and possibly POF, for all I know), since I used the same password for many of my accounts. I just facepalmed at this point, changed every password, and cut her off any time of snooping she could be doing. She texted me every 5 days of so while she was seeing Vic (asking how my holidays were going and all). I ignored half of them, and the other half gave the briefest answer possible, showing no interest in her life. She said she wanted to see me new year’s day (after I got back from my trip) because it felt weird going through the holidays without each other. When she picked me up, she was more excited and talkative than she had been with me in years. She actually initiated physical contact, touched my arm, my cheeks, gave me hugs, held her smile for a long time, laughed at a lot of the things I said). It felt amazing, I was really happy too, but wasn’t sure what she was up to. After a little resistance, she eventually let me give her a massage. She loved it, after 15 minutes, I got her pulled down her pants half-way down her ass, and massaged her lower back, she began to moan slightly, so I pushed things into overdrive. I saw her panties completely drenched, she was the wettest I’d ever seen her, her hips were thrusting hard even at the slightest touch, I gave her a few incredible orgasms, her head was really spinning, her eyes rolling, her body shaking, and she was in awe. She told me she hasn’t felt like that in a long time, and asked me to go get the weed from the kitchen, it took me 2-3 minutes to prepare, and by the time I got back she started thinking of Vic and how bad this was going to hurt him. All in, all we didn’t go further, I was a little frustrated but felt very accomplished, I knew things wouldn’t work between them. She explained that she did like him a little, she liked that he was independent and everything, but he was all about sex, he didn’t make her feel special or cared for, and that things could never work with him. She told him that she was spending time with me again and he said he couldn’t deal with that. I went home for a few day and after that, I got a message on POF, from a “girl” being very forward and asking me to hook up very quickly. I asked for a picture and I received one. I insisted in very precise pictures, or a phone call and the “girl” did not give them. After telling that person that there was someone else I liked anyway, they replied with something along the lines of “well you shouldn’t be on here then, you should be honest with Kate, tell her this, tell her that and leave her alone”. The message, was so obvious, I read it to Kate, and she even pickup up how obvious the message was. Vic didn’t admit to it, but she stopped talking to him, and checked him as a “creep”.

    Winter 2014: We got closer than we’d been in years, having sex only occasionally, but it was good. I treated her good, acted more mature and helped her take care of hers. I should have given her more space, I was there every day again and too clingy, and that desire we had for the month following the Vic incident faded quickly. She saw that even though I was showing I genuinely cared for her, I was only slightly investing in myself, still had the same lame job, no more independence etc. She got very close to me, as a friend, but she didn’t see me as a man, as someone who could take care of himself and her, which was true.
    Spring 2014: I got in the same routine of being there almost every day. She absolutely loved how much I help her, she loves my company and I’m always there for her to talk to about problems with her stressful job. I’ve been insanely encouraging to her, even helping her make healthy improvements in her life, and bringing back a little confidence.
    Summer 2014: After getting back from a trip on Canada day, I snooped in here Ipad a little while she was out with her friends, only to find that she flirted with, and exchanged nudies with a guy (Jon) a week prior. Now, Jon is a guy that she met through a friend 6 years ago. Three months ago, this guy broke up with his girlfriend of four years and moved to the other side of the country (Canada is a big country), because of a great work opportunity. Ever since, he and Kate have been flirting back and forth on the phone quite often. She gave this guy a BJ once like 6 years ago. I didn’t think much of the texting/flirting, she knew I didn’t like it, but I was absolutely pissed to find the exchange I found Canada day. He initiated it, but eventually he had her in her bed fingering herself, telling him that she’d love to suck him off if he were in Sudbury. She thinks he’s a good friend (he’s never done her wrong, and been there to talk to when she’s going through shit) and she’s turned on that he makes a lot of money. Anyway, I packed all of my shit and left her place (I was semi-moved-in for 2 months). She returned home, and called me incessantly, broken hearted, and asking why I did that. I blocked her, packed all of her shit that was at my parent’s place, and dropped it off at her doorstep while she was having a pre-drink/dinner with her friends. I let her call get through later that night, and sadly I slept at her place. Her explanation for what happened was: “Jake’s a good friend, he makes me feel at ease, and he’s across the country, I feel like he’s the safest guy I can talk to right now, and be sexual with. You make me feel tense, you make me feel like owe it to you, and you get all emotional if I don’t give it up to you.”
    We hung out a few times in July. She was insanely impressed by the wonderful birthday I set-up for her. It was one of our best days ever together, and I know it really warmed her heart to me. A few days later, I told her that I really want to be her man, I want to treat her right and I want to always make her happy, but that I have some growing up to do, I have invest in me, workout again, feel confident, get a good job, focus on school, gain some independence, and figure out what I need. I told her I’d need a lot of time and if she finds a man that I’d be cool with it, she was pretty impressed by this because usually I’d just freak out. I made the mistake of hanging out with her a few days later and we had a good night. The next morning, I was horny and touching her over her pajamas, she moved my hand a couple times, but I persisted (non-forcefully). She moaned slightly a few times and was very wet. She grabbed at my wrist a couple of times, but would thrust her hip forward and let me do it as long as I hit the right spot. I pulled her pants half-way down and I could tell she was very unsure, but she moaned a couple more times, ad was really thrusting her clit at my fingers. A couple minutes later, I heard her whimper a couple times, followed by a full-out cry. I stopped immediately, and asked her what was wrong. I hugged her, and told her I shouldn’t have started and got her horny. I knew that clouds her judgment and that after a certain point she likes it and gives-in, but she didn’t this time. It all built-up and she was crying and shaking like I’d never seen. I began to cry, I was heartbroken and couldn’t believe that I made her feel that way, I tried to get her to talk but she remained silent. I had to leave for work shortly after, and asked her if she hated me, if she’d ever want to see me again, and she said everything would be OK. We saw each other two days later, and we talked about what happened, and I told her I hate myself for it, and I would never do it again. I said I shouldn’t see her for a long time, until I get my emotions in check and she agreed. Otherwise, she was happy to see me, she let me get closer to her than usual, she let me hug her a lot, she cuddled me closer during our nap. stared into my eyes a lot, smiled and told her that she would miss me (since I was leaving for a week)
    Here’s my short interpretation of what’s happened between us in the whole relationship/the last few months:
    - She was madly in love with me. She knew I loved her, but I really didn’t know what I wanted and felt like was too young to commit. I talked to and slept with other girls and shattered her trust on many occasions. She put everything she had into trying to keep us together and change me, I still did the same crap, didn’t take her as seriously as I should have, ditched her, didn’t come through at times when she needed me most.
    - She hit a point where she figured it wasn’t worth it to put in any more effort, to risk getting hurt.
    - I was desperate and submitted to everything she wanted, but then cheated on her.
    - We were both depressed, her confidence was smashed, she told me I couldn’t help her, we still spent time together and did what we could to forget the pain.
    - We drifted apart slowly, I saw other girls, and she saw other guys. My confidence was smashed and I told her I couldn’t be her friend and stopped seeing her for a month/1.5 months. She wanted to see me this past new year’s and there was a definite spark (we’ve only been apart for more than 5 to 7 consecutive days maybe 11 times in the four years), but I got clingy again, and even though she liked the way I treated her now, she realized I wasn’t much closer to having control over my emotions or being independent.
    - Recently, she started flirting with the guy from across the country. It pissed me off. I came back from a trip in July, and packed my shit and left when I saw that they exchanged nudies and sexted. I came back a couple times, and we celebrated an incredible birthday (her 25th) a couple weeks ago. A couple days later, I said I have to grow-up, get over her and go my way, she understood, but wished so bad that we could just be best friends.
    - I made the mistake of accepting (knowing I wasn’t ready) when she asked me over. I fingered her when she didn’t want me to. We hung out one more time after, and she seemed to be over what had happened, she was actually cuddly and said she would miss me while I was gone. I was gone for a week, and she told Jon what happened. I’m sure he told her to get me out of her life, but she won’t do that. He hates me of course, and she talks to him every night. She also spent a lot of time with her girlfriends, and Kate and her friends were helping one of their friends get over her boyfriend of 5 years who was recently caught with a profile on POF, and that made her realize how bad I’ve been to her. We talked on the phone, and she doesn’t want to see me for a while and doesn’t know if she can be my friend (even though I know she will be, and in the near future she’ll be constantly checking up on me to see what I’m up to, and eventually ask me to come over when she’s feeling “lonely”, only to get pissed if I do more than hug her.
    - I feel like a d1ck, and I guess I got what I deserved for lying, cheating and invading her space, but I can’t help but feel that maybe she’s been a little ruthless and manipulative at times. Regardless, I don’t know what to do moving forward, I feel like any decision I make will be a bad one, and my confidence is quite simply in the dumps.

    Here are some things to note/that I think
    - Once again, being there every day this Winter/Spring started to be too much. I fell into the same trap/habit. She’s an introvert, she likes her space, she’d like to have a guy who is “grown-up”, independent, who would only have time to go see her once in a while (like Dan and Vic).
    - She loves the way I take care of her, but it’s overwhelming to have me around all of the time, and we get under each other’s skin. It’s especially bad because I’m obsessed with the fact that she doesn’t see me as a man, doesn’t touch or flirt with me. She told me if I consistently treated her nicely, wouldn’t ever bring up or talk about sex, and had more drive to make myself better and make life better (independence, confidence), that she would have sex with me and we would be a lot closer. But she said all I do is selfishly focus on the result (getting her I bed), and I ignore everything necessary to get her to that point, and get emotional and act like an asshole.
    - She knows I care about her so much, she doesn’t think I love her anymore, but thinks it’s an obsession. She thinks once I would get her I would get over her. She consider(ed) me as her best friend in the world, but also feels more unsafe with me than anyone in the world.
    - She says her sex drive is really high again (I think that changed after what happened a couple weeks ago), but there’s no one she likes, and no one she thinks she’ll satisfy her completely (be there for her, but give her space, let her be herself, while being independent enough to take care of himself). I have the “be there for her” down pat, and she knows I like her so much, but I get emotional and pissed about her not having sex with me and she’s always putting up barriers and feels like she can’t be herself around me.
    - Also, I’m not independent, but I am working on it (except, I actually am Getting my first apartment, and possibly a vehicle for October 1st and not telling her about it, I’m really excited about that). I am getting my confidence back (I’ve been getting shit done, working out with great results, and I’m about to get a second job).
    - She’s farked me a few times in the last few months, but I got to clingy afterwards, I start kissing her, cheek, hugging her, talking in some weird kid voice, following her around the house, everything. It’s sad and pathetic, and I need to get over it.
    - I should note that she’s only ever had sex with boyfriends (she hasn’t seen me that way in a long time), or potential boyfriends in her life (she needs to really like them and picture a future with them), and she realized with Vic that when she goes on dates with a new guy, she feels obligated to do it, so she’s staying away from guys in general for a while. She’s told me many times over the last few months that she doesn’t want to have sex with anyone (doesn’t like anyone), and thought it was ridiculous that I would react so poorly when she didn’t want to fark me (this is also the same reason I freaked when I saw the sexting).
    - I know for a fact that the only guys she will be seeing in the near future would be anyone she meets on POF/Tinder.

    Here are the things I would like you guys to help me out with/give me advice on:

    1. How can I get over her? (stop being clingy, stop texting her first, stop taking things so personally) See other girls?... Stop putting her on a pedestal?...

    2. What level of contact should I have with her moving forward (as far as texting, seeing her)? Especially after what happened recently? Not talk to her until I’m in a good position in life? Not talk to her ever and move on?

    3. How should I deal with her talking to Jon all of the time? Should I talk to her about it in anyway or just accept it and get over it since reacting in anyway will probably just push her further?

    4. What are some general tips you guys can give me on getting my confidence back, and maturing (quicker, if possible), gaining independence?

    5. I think she still does have strong feelings for me, and I’d really like to be with her down the road. I treat her good for a while, but then fark up hard somehow because of poor emotional control. It seems more and more difficult to get her to come around considering how many times I’ve farked up badly. Should I just let her come to me? Stop bending backward for her?

    6. What are my best moves here moving forward? How can I get her to have desire for me again. I don’t care what it takes or how long it takes, I just want to make the best possible situation given the circumstances.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Weirdest relationship, Am I getting the run-around? SO confused...

    Love versus lust?

    I would move on from her completely and find someone who genuinely likes you for who you are without all this complexity BS and feeling sorry for the past rubbish. Your long post signifies you need to simplify things and possibly your confusion between love and lust as you write a lot about sexual details without much explanation of peoples inner character, virtues or why you actually care about them. Good relationships don't usually arise out of a mess. They are good from the start. Move forward = new start. Life is about changes - not chances. The weakest people in life don't change. They submit. Successful people change, adapt, innovate, move, explore, take calculated brave risks. They lead. That is how you mature and gain confidence. Facing fears. It means getting out of your comfort zone and taking responsibility for yourself.

    Women want a man who makes them feel like a women and vice versa. Cleaning their house makes you the maid. Apologising for making her horny when she was moaning and wet is not being assertive nor satisfying her. The bravest thing to do as a man is often making difficult decisions and accepting their responsibility. Moving on from her is a brave thing to do. She is manipulating you and making you feel bad about things that perhaps are actually not as bad as you are making them out to be. A lot of women would probably love the affection you give out. This girl is not a law of physics you are bound to.

    Delete her from your life and move on. That is a solid courageous decision. It's gauranteed to be a good decision because it empowers YOU. It is the only way forward, otherwise you will be run around and around and around in wheels of confusion - hypnotised by her... pussy. If you stick to it a number of things are likely to happen:
    1) She will chase you back. Don't get clingy this time and make no excuse for being a man.
    2) She will not like loosing control and will further reveal her manipulative and insecure tendencies.
    3) She might not care at all but then you get confirmation of her true long term feelings.
    4) You are free to explore new exciting women and experiences. You are going in a direction and no longer a rat in a cage.

    You're both young. Don't worry about it too much. There are many more phases of life ahead and many new amazing women out there to catch. Free yourself of her complexity and surround yourself with positive, successful, stable and new people. Make no excuse for where you are at in life - think about yourself for a while and not her or what expectations she has (Independence is not having your own house, it's having your own ability to respond). Your whole post is 'she', 'she', 'she'. It's your life - make it about 'you'.

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