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  1. #1
    Sorcerer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some expert input how to proceed in this Situation..

    Well, this is not a good moral story, but its lots into it, hence it is a LONG story. Its not my EX, but my lover ! I dont want any judgment, i need some expert advice. I little background: I´m in a relationship with a beautiful girl, been together for 20 years. We have had one breakup, 10 years ago,..reason for breakup, she was texting, hiding her phone...to a point where i felt something was not right, acting differently. We had a fight, i demanded to see her txt msg, she didn’t let me. I said fine, and told her to get her ass out of the house. I did all the right things then, no contact, acted like i didnt care...actually i think i didnt...then...but i guess i started to miss her, the life we had together felt better than me partying, gaming other girls. Lasted 5 months and we got back together after makeup sex. After we got together, we talked and she came clean and told me she had cheated...with 2 guys at that time. As of that, she had to earn my trust, i am trusting her today, BUT i feel like it ruined my love for her. Feel like i can never love her 100% again….so I have strong feelings for another girl.

    I have this onetis for this other girl, its bad. Have had it for like 10 years. She have been together with my girls brother all the time. He have been cheating on her several times up the years, not been treating her well and i have been giving her comfort in my arms at parties earlier when she was crying. I have always feelt she needed someone better, ME...because i have always had those strong feelings for her, like it was ment to be...us...no one could love her more than me, giving her comfort, make her safe.

    At one party at hers place 10 years ago, i got drunk...all people left, and i ended up telling her how i felt. We started kissing, unbutton her shirt, we ended up in bed. I was to drunk, and so..i couldent get it up, but I made her orgasm by fingering her. We texted a little after this, but it kind of ended...agreed it was a drunk act.

    Some years later we started texting again, met her at a hotel and we had sex first time. This continued like 5-6 months, we texted, flirted and had sex a couple more times...before she just turned cold, and started acting like a different person...saying i was to intense, i was starting to become a hassle for her...Talked on the phone and, she said it was over between us. After that, i cut her loose, got angry, and we even didnt say hi when we meet. I just ignored her, she ignoed me too. 4 months later she text me her boyfriend had proposed to her, i told her i didnt want her to do it. But she did, i did not go to the wedding, but wished her best of luck on the day, texted her. She replied that she wished i could have been there. After this, I go silent again.

    Took me a year to get over those feelings for her. 3 years pass by, and i meet her at her boyfriends(now married for 2.5 years) parents. She asked me if i could drive her home (her youngest son was sleeping on her lap) After doing this, I felt those feelings for her coming back. Several weeks goes by, and i text her a Teaddy bear holding a heart, saying I MISS YOU ! She replies, oh, now i got tears in mye eyes. I didn reply, just got NC for some more weeks. Then txt her, and ask if it was sarcasm the last msg from her. She replies, no it was genuine, she really got tears in her eyes. Well, she then started to text me, sending pic of her in a see-through nightcown. Didnt reply on that one either, she askes me 3 days later if i got the pic. Told her I got it, and it was sexy. I then get home from work, ask her if she wold like to take a walk with me. She replies and ask me to come and get a coffee at her workshop (selfemployed) When i get there, she meets me in her see through nightcown, with 2 glasses of wine and on the floor in the backroom, she had made up blankets and pillows. We had amazing sex again !! Now, we was txt´ing alot, kisses, miss you, She sends me nude pics of her. ....and i got to eager this time also. Starting to tell her how i felt, told her i loved her, want you so bad. I was the one starting to invest, giving to much, to much comfort i guess. Because both of us is/was in a relationship, it was not easy to manage to meet and see each other, talk, kiss and have sex. But we almost texted daily, and we managed to meet more and have sex. Told her normally I wouldn’t give someone a second chance, but I did it for her, because I had always felt it was ment to be us one day. Told her my goal was to make her safe enough on me, for her to leave him….that I was genuine…so I was the one giving, investing most…

    This continued for 1 year, we had sex 10 times i guess in that year, and i decided to push her...told her if she was unsure after 1 year, and not ready to break up with her man, i didnt want to continue this, i would not be her second one, i wanted to be nr 1, her only one.
    She ask me if i could give her more time, and i said ok, i will give you a little more time, because its you. We have sex one more time, and she started finaly to txt me i´m her darling (before it was only kiss smiley’s), she wants to be my girlfriend, misses me, loves to kiss and have sex with me, etc. I was thinking, yes finally ! 2 weeks after this, she got CAUGT by her man, oktober, 2013, after txt me goodnight, and i replied with 3 msg, saying i wanted her in bed with me, me licking her nipples and going down on her. We had a talk after she told me this, and i told her it was of course not good being caught, but i was there for her, i would support her because i wanted to be with her, my feelings was genuine. Well, after this we had to be careful, lost contact. She was the one who could contact me, i had to stop sending her txt in case her man was watching over her, but we still managed to txt and talk some.

    After new-year, she just got cold. Didnt hear from her in 3 weeks, and my feelings was starting going hiwire. Txted her and asked why i she was not texting me, in a kind of chump way. She had been feeling burnt out, low energy etch. The contact was continuing low, no meeting, no sex, slow respons on txt, and i could only txt her when i was sure she was alone. Felt like we lost each other more and more, and also feelings. Was afraid of loosing her, so i think all went back like last time. Me txting to much, i was the one trying to manage to meet, have sex again....but she was busy, didnt have time or opportunity because of work, and her man....we lost more and more, things changed. I got more and more upset, pushed her more. Asked if we should just quit then, but this was more because i hoped she would try to make more effort in me. I tried boyfriend destroyer several times. She replied he was not perfect. But things just got more and more messy, i started to act like a NFC because of lack of txt, talk, meeting, response, sex. She had asked me earlier to wait to after her son had his confirmation by the church in may. Well, we got past may,and she told my girl on the phone that she and her man was supposed to move to a new house, after his grand parents. I freaked out, was really angry and texted her why she would move with him, i had waited so long for her, and now she wanted to move with him...this was the same as continuing in relationship with him still. NFC. Told her i hated her, would never see her again, she got really pissed on me. Lots of hate txt between us. Had a new talk on the phone after some days, and things calm down a little bit. Her plan was to move alone in that house, not with him. But, she continues to be distant, ignoring my text...i get uppset once again, and again asks if we should just say its over. She replies, YES it´s over. I dont have time or opportunity to continue this. More angry txt from me...why she had me waiting, when i gave her more time..

    Couple of weeks pass by of NC, and i am told by my girlfriend, that my mistress and her brother had broken up, she had moved to that house.

    So, i texted her i was there for her if she needed me, like i had told her before i would. She txt back to leave her alone, she doesen want me anymore. Stop txt her. I get upset again, and tell her that when she finally is alone, like we talked about, she will not continue with me, what we had ? She acts like another person. Tells me she wants to be alone…


    Knowing I have been acting like a real NFC, I go cold on her…thinking she needs time for her own after the breakup, and lots of things to handle. 5-6 weeks go by, and I txt her and asks if we can talk.
    She is still ice cold, she is ignoring my txt, but replies she don’t know what we need to talk about. She doesen want me. Send her some more as the days pass by, and finally replies, ok come to my work so we can finish this. When we talk, I tried to explain, make her see why this happened, because of lack of communication, meeting and sex…..told her I hate to wait, even for txt msg. We had a good talk, but she answered she never felt as strong as I did, the connection I said we had, we was ment to be. Was only being fooled by me, fooled her self. She didn’t want to have makeup sex with me, asked for a kiss, wouldn’t let me…got her to smile flirting to me, but then told me it would never be us. I was prepared to just let her go then, but ask her if there is someone else. AND there is. Some guy had made a move on her just before she broke up, and they have been meeting and hiking together the last weeks when I was in NC with her.
    I said ok, and tried to play it cool. Got home and wrote her a letter, wished her best of luck – if she was happy, found love I was happy. But then my brain started acting NFC AGAIN. Got upset by her asking for more time, wait until may, and that she told me she wanted to be by herself.
    Txt´ed her all this, how she suddenly now have time to spend with this other guy, told her she was a slut because she had been doing me all this time, and then cut both her man and me at the same time, then jumps in the arms of the first one who make a move on her…..got ignored again, and sent her even worse txt…until she replied….some shit throwing both ways. Told her I would never see her again..she asked me to meet her at work….after a couple of days i did go to her, because talking is always best, that is one of the things I have been telling her, we stopped talking….and that made this situation…I know she enjoyed last year, the meetings, txt, talk and sex…it made us have good feelings, but from what she says, she didn as strong as I did.
    Well, we talked…I tried to explain my reason for being angry, not out of jealousy or for me needing her, but because I felt she hadn’t been honest with me, about not moving with him, and wanting to be alone, asking me for more time last year., and why she would not continue our relationship now when she finally is single. That was why I was angry, not that I needed her or even wanted her. She ended up in tears, because my cruel txt msg….told me her EX was not acting like this, but being calm…was waiting for her and hoped she would come back. Told her I was sorry, that I was acting because I had strong feelings for her, her EX being calm because he never loved you, but she had made this situation with me. She told me earlier he hated me when she got caught txt me.
    We had a good talk, ended up in a much better state than from the txt. Before I left, I told her my state of mind is like this: if she chooses someone else before me, she have bad taste. I would not have a girl with bad taste. A girl with bad taste doesent deserve me. I don’t want a girl who gives her self away to anybody either, I want a “clean” girl. Told her to follow her heart, put my hand on my heart when I said it, then left. Txt 1 msg the day after, hope we can have a friendly tone/relationship from now, and I would come and have a coffee at her work when I had time, where she replied after 2 hr, that should be fine…
    Well I know I totally NFC´d. No more of this from now on. Never acted or done this in my relationship, been totally in control emotionally all the time, but this girl….i just WANT HER, even if its not for her to be mine, but for winning the battle I have committed to for so long, I want her to be as addicted to me, like I am, want her to fall as hard as I did….and this time im gonna learn from my mistakes, and play hard to get…
    But now I have TWO guys to fight. I´m afraid of the thought of her giving her self to this other guy.I´m afraid she will get to see he isn’t all that much, and then fall back to her EX again…She have been single for 2 months now. 1 year since we had sex last time..
    I don’t know if my best move is to try to see her more often at her work (she work as a waitress)
    Talk to her, flirt with her and try to game her again as this is what we lost in the winter, to meet and see each other. Or, if I should just go NC for several weeks again before I try hitting her up again, visit her work and have a coffee. I need some serious input on this one….a step by step guide

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need some expert input how to proceed in this Situation..

    The best advice I can offer is the same advice I give EVERYONE.

    Read this thread.

    And read the threads mentioned in this one too.

    But to sum it up ahead of time, you have to be willing to let go of her & move on. Make improvements with yourself & get back to enjoying life.

    Don't contact her... just let her see for herself (in her own time) how much you've grown & how confident, positive & fun you are.

    I'll be honest: The whole reason I originally started learning PUA techniques was because I wanted MY ex back. (Or so I thought).
    I followed all the advice & got on with my life & discovered how happy I really ca be.

    Then, one day my ex started expressing interest in me again.
    However; in MY case, I was much happier without HER because I had found someone else. But the fact is, I had a choice.

    I could have gotten her back if I wanted... But I personally chose to move on.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Sorcerer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert input how to proceed in this Situation..

    Ok, so you dont think i should go to her café, take a coffee once in a week just talk to her and get her over the angry feelings i have made, by txt her. Try to talk to her like we did or just like friends - to get some good vibes again, and maybe then go NC on her. I will not txt her, because i know she will ignore me. She blocked me on FB 2 month ago when she told me to stop txt her, and i didnt. I have already told her i wanted us to have sex one last time, that this would be the best way to end it (thinking she would connect to me again, because i know she loved the sex, i did too and i want it more) She txt me 3 months ago she wanted to make love with me and a pic of her. The hole point for me freaking out, was: She asked me for more time, told me to wait until may. But we lost communication. We have been messing around for 2 years. This was what i was trying to explain to her, get her to understand and that i dont need her or want her anymore, but what she did was disrespectful because she asked me to wait....and when she finally is singel, she doesen want to continue what we had, to see where things would lead when we had better opportunity to see each other...and that is whats been grinding my gears...

    Her boyfriend was hating me and controlling her after she got caught, but now he is playing cool and leaving her alone, even if he knows she is seeing another guy...She also knows i will never forgive her or want her ever if she have sex with another guy. She told me she havent have sex with him yet when i asked...., but anyway I dont see that guy like a studd in bed, dont see him as social as she is either....or they have a lot in common, no common friends either. My tought is that now when she is singel after 20 years, she is in probably in "explore" mode...wants to feel wanted from other guys too...

  4. #4
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some expert input how to proceed in this Situation..

    Just be her friend and explore more yourself

  5. #5
    Sorcerer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert input how to proceed in this Situation..

    Well, her ex is dating someone else now, and she is dating (i know she is sleeping over to this other guy the hole week when she doesent have the kids)

    After our last talk, i send her a txt and said: I know you have choose to go another path, without me. As a matther of fact, i have made some choises too. I hope evererything work out for you, and that we can atleast be friends from now on, and i can stop by at your caffé and have a cup of coffé when i have time.

    My main plan was to see her more often, and game her to get connected again.

    She answered 2 hr late, it shold be fine... (Thursday)

    Text her on saturday, if the caffé was open ? No response/ignored

    Drove past her house on late sunday evening, her week with the kids were over and her car was not outside her house. I just knew she had drove 40 km to the other guy (next small city) and was going to sleep over again.

    Got angry, and wrote her a new txt, that i didnt want to try to fix this anymore, try to have a friendly tone - be friends, as beeing ignored was something i did not tolerated, and obvious she was not interested in keeping a friendly relationship either by still doing this. Told her i have wrote her a new letter, and that it would be the last thing she would ever hear from me. (i havent delivered the letter in her mailbox yet. Guess i will wait a couple of more days, as she will be checking her mailbox and wondering why she havent got it yet) Any suggestions for what to write in the letter ???

    It looks like going the friendship route and game her is not an option, so my only option now in going NC, try to get over my feelings for her and just see if she will make contact again...


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