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  1. #1
    cdg050010 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default A sudden breakup first love (organized)


    - How we started: She refused me first but after around 2-3 months she come back and say she missed me and feels secured thinking about me
    - Nearly 2 year relationship. Both are first love.
    - We have minor arguments over text (Frequency: on average twice a month)
    - Face to face argument: Overall no more than 7 times I think
    - Real big argument: Overall no more than 3 times (And every time at the end I make sure I made her happy)

    Problem that leads to a "cool-down period":
    - Lack of common hobbies (But we have, it is just that whenever we're together our focus is on each other and we failed to accomplish anything together but gave in to intimacy)
    - Contrasting Personality (Me being a thinker, she hates thinking)
    - Me being negative and sensitive
    - Me being a Mr.No No No guy

    Problem that leads to the final decision of breakup:
    - Loss of "feeling"

    (Day -5) she is under immense pressure and so busy with everything: School, family, work etc

    (Day 0) Last Checkpoint: She invited me to her home and we had an intimate time

    (Day 7) I smell a little different attitude from her (Very little, I was starting to become clingy so maybe I was toooooo sensitive), so I ask her what happened, she refuse to say.

    (Day 8-9) Difference Escalates, on day 10 she finds out that I'm afraid she's with another guy.

    (Day 10) With me keep asking and caring about her she tells me everything(The problems that leads to the cool down period) and she requested a 1 month cool-down period.I addressed all those problems and assure I can change, she says she doesn't want me to change for her, I said I change because I need to, she's only the one who's pointing them out.

    (Day 11-12) I still send 1-2 msgs each day to her, just some warm reminders. She appears to be responding positively.

    (Day 13) I REGRET EVER ASKING HER OUT FOR A LUNCH. She struggled for a while and said we should be friends instead(Via text...sigh). NEEDINESS TO THE MAX I plead (Through text), not working, and when my mother sees me so desperate for the first time in my (once) awesome life she called my ex (SUPER REGRET I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HER) and said something(very moderate, no offense at all) and then I picked up the phone and pleaded. She cried a bit and said she'll consider. Afterwards her friend called me and said I'm done. She was so angry about me letting my mother and her mother know this. NC-Initiated.

    (Day 28) I MESSED UP and asked her out. We had a little conversation. I addressed and explained the problems again(Which is a stupid idea I only know now, and yes, woman thinks these are simply excuses and make them more determined.). And then I hugged her and tell her I'm okay and I understand her painful decision. She cried and said she felt guilty blah blah blah. But she said during those 15 days of NC she felt the feeling was lost. She suggested we'd be friends, I said "up to you". But the rest of the day I can feel we were behaving like a couple naturally, just no kisses or hugs( I could even massage her legs). I gave her two letters and said I love you the last time.

    (Day 29) We texted, she said the letters made her cried.

    (Day 29-33 or sth) We texted like we normally did.

    (Day 34?) I invited her for a dinner. She accepted with no refusal. And she agreed to go for a walk after the dinner. I tried to massage her leg again, this time I feel slight refusal so I gave up. Instead I gently rub her head. She curled her body and keep playing with her hair. I bet thats a sign of refusal too? So at last I gave her a gift and she accepted it.

    (Day 35) First time after re-contact she texted me first. She asked me whether her new icon looks good or not. And then one of my retarded friend came out of no where and told her everything I told this idiot: Signs I think that shows my ex is still loving me etc.(But still my ex, despite the dinner, still feels secured and familiar around me,just don't have that "feeling", "for the moment".)

    (Day 38) She posted on instagram about having the worst October ever. I texted her to take everything easy and she says she can't, but refused to see me or talk over the phone. (When my friend ask her though she says she's recovering great) 2nd NC re-initiated.

    So basically, I have been in complete NC for 8 days now.
    Through instagram she seems to be living a normal and happy life, but I don't know I have a feeling she's convincing herself she's happy without me. Perhaps I'm still quite sensitive but I don't believe she can forget about our happy 2 years so quickly, she did enjoy it even more than I do.

    Right now my questions are:
    1) Is it possible that I can get her back?
    2) Is NC the right decision now? (Given that I'm a lot less needy right now) If not what approach should I take instead?
    3) If you guys need more information?

  2. #2
    ConnorMaxwell72 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: A sudden breakup first love (organized)

    Wtf did I just read?? It was painful to try and figure this out.


    There's a lot of issues that need to be addressed, from what I could gather.

    A) You need to grow the fck up. You are lighting this girl up with your neediness and your emotions. Women are not attracted to this neediness women shit, so every time you act like a girl she becomes less attracted to you. Stuff like letting your mother talk to your girlfriend? Seriously? Are you 12? Love letters? I'm really guessing Nicolas Sparks movies are your favorite. I'm going to let you in on a secret: girls like that sh!t in the movies, not in real life.

    B) Learn how to simply just tell the story, not this play by play technical/timeline crap. That's why you have 134 views and no replies. No one understands what you're talking about.

    Those two points aside, some things you really need to consider to help put things into perspective:

    This is your first. Your first always sucks. It's meant to suck. This is could very well be your defining moment as a man. This is what is going to shape how you deal with all other women in your future. Maybe this is the moment when you realize you need to man the fck up?? My point is that life throws us lessons and not everyone is meant to be in our lives. The point of dating is so that you can date around and figure out what qualities in women you like and to actually find who you're compatible with. She very well may not be it. And your emotional state right now is certainly not going to help you. You're way to wrapped up and incapable of making an actual, logical decision about anything right now. It's human nature to want things that we lose.

    Also, when she says "the loss of feeling" is the reason she wants to break up: That's code for everything that has been going on has been KILLING the attracting. Women are always looking for reasons to question themselves to see if they're meant to be with a certain guy or not. They will actively look for reason to satisfy this feeling. Everything you did gave her ammunition and every reason to rationally justify not having this "feeling".

    The key thing to remember, particularly true of first loves after break ups, is that she probably is feeling the exact same way you are right now. She's probably questioning everything, just like you are, which explains the back and forth on her end.

    Go no contact. But REALLY no contact. Don't break it. You two have an investment in each other, so not talking, no Facebook, no texting, nothing - it'll have an impact on a lot of different levels. Most importantly, you need to fcking work on yourself and learn what it's like to be a man. And if you really are 12 years old, get off these forums. You're too young for this sh!t.

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