I don't know if I would call her an ex... but was seeing this girl for about 3 months, while away at school. Any time I was home we would hang out about 1-2x a week. Although we didn't hang out as much as we would have liked we did communicate daily whether through text, snapchat, phone call, etc. We were both very sexually attracted to each other, but when the time came to do the deed my little man decided not to work. I don't know if it was because we had foreplay for 2+ hours, or if it was just too late (4am) but either way, it just wasn't happening. After that we still communicated daily and were actually looking forward to it even more.
I graduated and really tried to get her to come out to my unofficial graduation party at the bars with my friends and I. This was the first sign things were heading south. She said she couldn't because she had no money. I said I could spot her it wasn't a huge deal and she said she doesn't like to do that but MAYBE she would come pregame. Anyways, she shows up with her girlfriends for literally 60 seconds then they decide the bar we were all at sucked and left. I got hammered, texted her telling her I was pretty pissed off and already having a shitty day because my Dad didn't show up to my graduation and essentially she had made it worse. She replied the next day saying sorry and I apologized for sending it and being so trashed.
We hung out once more after that. It went fine, but she had to go to her friends so we cut it short. Then we were texting one morning and I was telling her about how I have really lucid dreams sometimes and occasionally when I'm lucky they are sex dreams. Might heave been dumb but we talked about anything at this point. She replied with "must not get laid much huh? haha" I said "haha and who's fault is that?!" She said if I really wanted to I could go out to the bars and go get laid. I told her I wouldn't want to do that because I was interested in her and didn't know her stance but that was mine. Second sign things were going south. She said she wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment, just got out of two separate relationships spanning 3 years where both guys cheated on her, but loves hanging out with me. I told her I completely understood and was fine with just hanging out casually still and getting to know each other better. She said cool, but I wouldn't get to know her better but to think what I wanted. We had plans to hang out a few days later and she said maybe we shouldn't hang out until after xmas since it was so busy for her. I just said ok.
I gave her some space, she ended up snap chatting me. Tried to hang out with her once or twice, she couldn't because of prior engagements and sent pretty lengthy texts about why. Essentially she stated she has a ton of shit going on in her life right now and is sorry but needs to basically focus on getting her life together for now. That she loves her me time and hasn't had sex in 4 months and is fine with that, that she doesn't want to have sex with anyone new or anyone from the past at the moment. The thing is, every Friday she stays in and a lot of weekdays too due to work, I realized if she really wanted to see me she would.
So maybe something really is happening in her life, maybe she was just looking for something casual the whole time, maybe she doesn't want to hang out because she thinks she will have sex if we do. Who knows. At this point I went full no contact. It's only been 3 days though. I do realize I probably messed up by treating her like a GF when she wasn't and she probably got scarred away because of that. I just want to remain friends at this point, go from there, not have her disappear from my life completely.
I plan on continuing to go full no contact, at least a month or more, see if she reaches out, if not reach out to her....if I still want to. Focusing on me for now, blowing up my social media with the fun events I have been up to, have a date with a different girl on Thursday that I've always been a tad bit interested in, traveling the next two weeks straight, then starting my new job right after that. I've realized my mistakes and all I need is another shot if possible. I got too beta and too comfortable before even officially dating the girl. She initially was attracted to the asshole, mysterious, push/pull man. So if I get another shot I feel I can most likely correct things, if I really wanted to I could text her and quite possibly get her to do something but I believe it better if she is the one to come to me. Texting her would be another beta move after getting denied several times with no rain-checks even.
Any advice would be appreciated. I believe I am doing the right steps but perhaps not. I know 3 months isn't a long time, and I shouldn't even be this concerned about a girl I was never officially dating, but I have only felt this way about a very select few women, and the chemistry between us was unbelievable before things went south; I really thought for sure we were going to date which makes it all so shitty. Sorry for the long post.