I'm going to try to keep it as short as possible while keeping relevant. I appreciate any ideas and/or advice in advance.
This past July I was vacationing in Costa Rica and met the most amazing girl to date (I am 29 and have had enough past girls to compare). Her personality, her intelligence,and her physical beauty initially took my interest. We started spending time together, became attracted to each other, told each other, then had to separate. We kept in touch daily. After two weeks of talking, via instant messenger and video Skype, she bought a ticket to come see me at my home. We started dating and she stayed with me for two months until she had to go back to Europe to finish her last 6 months of University.
During the two months everything was great, except on my personal failures. I was familiar enough with inner game at the time to know I was doing something wrong, but not enough to realize the damage I was doing to myself. I had a very demanding job and was pretty tight on money and let that distract from the relationship and I just kept telling myself I will make up for it later. The amazing person she was didn't let that stop her nurturing nature and obvious love for me. We decided we couldn't be apart and that I was going to move to Europe with her while she finished her school and then either come back to Florida or travel some more.
After she left, I wanted to make sure we both thought it was still a good idea after we had time tothink about it. After three weeks we still did, so I rented out my house, gave notice to my job,and bought a ticket. This whole time we kept in contact via instant messenger and video Skype still and the spark was still there. Four days before I was to depart on the plane, I could tell there was a shift in her feelings through her texts. The day of the flight, actually while in the airport, she said that she is having second thoughts and it was mainly nerves about not knowing if it was going to be as good as in Florida and if I wouldn't like it there. (By this time it is the end of November in north central Europe). I assured her that we will be fine and I'll see her when I get there.
Once I got there I immediately noticed her body language had changed and she was constantly in her head. I did know that she now had academic and financial worries that she didn't while on vacation, as well as recent family and vehicle issues. There was more problems that popped up in making my transition there difficult, but not important.
After a week of being there and feeling the distance and having NO intimacy, I asked her what was going on. (A mistake I know now) then she told me that she just wasn't feeling it anymore and she didn't know why. I asked if there was someone else and she said no. And she said that there wasn't anything that I had done. My next mistake was then emotionally (not crying) asking her if she thought the feelings were ever going to come back and if not then we should end it. She said she didn't think they were and we should end it. I then went for a walk (a couple beers).
When I came back she was there and seemed eager to make me happy (chasing me but I didn't realize), but I foolishly played the martyr and became distant. She even offered for me to stay in the bed with her, but I (idiotically) declined.
For the several weeks I was still there figuring out what I was going to do and then eventually waiting for a flight, our interactions repeatedly went from awkward and distant to friendly and almost blissful again. I did not know or think to act on the good ones and stop my bad ones.
By the time right before I left, it had gotten pretty awkward (I even got to then point of ASKING to lay in bed with her :-\ which she declined), but I did get out of her that the reason she stopped having feelings for me was because I failed to act as though I wanted to keep the spark going etc etc. Basically I became too comfortable and didn't keep her interest. I knew better!!!
We remain friends. I even wrote a letter telling her that I was sorry for not doing what I should have in a relationship and instead acted as a friendship (in a a much better way in the letter of course) and left it on the table for her to find after she dropped me off at the train station. When I landed I found she messaged me a thank you for the letter, but that was all she said.
It has been about five weeks since then and I only messaged her when she got her new dog and on her birthday. It is finals time for her now and I'm trying to make up for the "clingy" appearance I gave before I left by not messaging her unless she messages me first (she messages me uninitiated about once every 5-8 days).
So, the main advice/opinions I am looking for is
1) how do I keep her on "ice"/interested in me until she graduates with this distance and not look desperate
2) how do I get her to come back here or meet me on another vacation (we always said we were going to take a trip to South America when she graduated) when she does graduate and get face-to-face time to reignite the spark
Thanks for taking the time, look forward to hearing from the community.