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  1. #1
    Brass is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I broke up with ex. 3yr ltr. went ldr. hasty decision. want her back.

    Broke up with gf of about 3 years. She is in grad school currently in another province. Had about two weeks of hanging out in 5 months. Did the skype thing phone thing talked each day. She was dedicated to me and well i to her. We talked long term things, life together, etc. Christmas time an old flame started messaging me (was ex's ex best friend). We hung out a couple times and the thoughts of her and the distance got to me. My ex went back to grad school after christmas. Three weeks later i called and broke up with her. I let it all go to my head and think I made a hasty decision. She will be home in may for three months then back to school for one more year home occassionally. With me visiting etc.
    She called two nights ago. A little drunk. Shit tested some. I deflected as best i could. Asked if i was seeing anyone, i said a couple dates nothing serious, almost asked if i fucked anyone. Talked herself up saying she looked great now blah blah. I kept it light. She almost got me when she asked me why i hated her and why i left her alone. She said she missed talking to me when i asked her why she called again. Was jealous of seeing pictures of me with my friend Lucy on facebook. So she's creepin me a fair bit. I ended the conversation told her to call me when she comes to her senses (about talking and getting back together). She said ok. Hung up. A see saw of A conversation. She called me late again last night but i was asleep. I messaged her saying "hey. I missed your call" to which she said 'musta been a pocket dial'. Yeah sure. I never texted her back yet. That was this morning. It's almost 11pm now.

    I am not sure how to connect with her again. I feel she wants me still and isn't indifferent to me. She is pisssssed but she definitely still loves me it's pretty obvious i think.

    I tried to talk with her post break up when she came and got her stuff while she was home. She wasn't having it at all. I finally gave up after being a big pussy bitch and went no contact. Been about two months and she has called twice in three days. Probably drinking for sure. But. Yeah. How do i go about this. She is home in a month and i know it could work. I fucked up and threw something away instead of trying to make the long distance work a bit longer. At least til she was home for the summer.

    How do i go about talking. Texting. Calling. Whatever. I don't wanna push her away as she is chasing me. Also don't want to completely lose her to indifference.

  2. #2
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I broke up with ex. 3yr ltr. went ldr. hasty decision. want her back.

    You broke the trust. There is a statistic about receiving a counter offer from the company you work for when you tell them you are leaving for another job, but I think it applies here. More than 60% of those people who decide to stay at their current company leave or get fired within the next year.

    Those employees broke the trust with the company. Even though the company wanted them to stay, it doesn't take long for one party to realize there was a definite reason they were going to leave and end it anyway.

    Whether it is you or her, one of you are going to realize there was a reason you wanted to leave... you need to figure that out. Playing game here is not going to help you. You dated for 3 years, you should be beyond comfortable with her now. I get it, it's hard to say how you really feel when you think you're going to just get pushed down more, but you need to be honest with her. Your handing her the power, so expect a little shoving back, but if you really want her, your going to have to take a little heat. There is no way for you to get out of this situation feeling empowered the whole time.

    Figure out why you wanted to end it and let her know. There is no reason for deflecting or any of that crap in this spot, your way past that. Otherwise, fark texting, just call her up, it shouldn't be that hard after this long. She'll answer.
    You don't need her

  3. #3
    Brass is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I broke up with ex. 3yr ltr. went ldr. hasty decision. want her back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bballking View Post
    You broke the trust. There is a statistic about receiving a counter offer from the company you work for when you tell them you are leaving for another job, but I think it applies here. More than 60% of those people who decide to stay at their current company leave or get fired within the next year.

    Those employees broke the trust with the company. Even though the company wanted them to stay, it doesn't take long for one party to realize there was a definite reason they were going to leave and end it anyway.

    Whether it is you or her, one of you are going to realize there was a reason you wanted to leave... you need to figure that out. Playing game here is not going to help you. You dated for 3 years, you should be beyond comfortable with her now. I get it, it's hard to say how you really feel when you think you're going to just get pushed down more, but you need to be honest with her. Your handing her the power, so expect a little shoving back, but if you really want her, your going to have to take a little heat. There is no way for you to get out of this situation feeling empowered the whole time.

    Figure out why you wanted to end it and let her know. There is no reason for deflecting or any of that crap in this spot, your way past that. Otherwise, fark texting, just call her up, it shouldn't be that hard after this long. She'll answer.
    I fully expect to take some heat on this. I am trying to determine if this reaching out to me is genuine or is it fueled by something else. To be honest I hated the distance, I missed her too damn much and it got to me. I never cheated on her, tempted sure, but I still love her, that never changed. I honestly didn't know if I could do another year and a half of that kind of distance. Now she would have been home 6 months of the two years doing her practical, but that's still not much when you take out work time, and regular life. I felt she may have left me anyway by the time she got home and I had wasted two years of back and forth trying to make an LDR work.

    I know if I call her I potentially risk pushing her away entirely. These were the first two times she has reached out to me. She knows I want her back, that was clear when she was home during January. She didn't want to see or talk to me then, she was too hurt and I understand that. So I am really trying to not blow up my spot here. I am all for calling her and talking to her but this is so delicate I dunno how to approach it. SHe will be home the end of April for her 3 month work term. A face to face would be ideal. I just don't want to overthink this. I do love her, I jumped the gun. I really should have tried fucking harder then I did instead of get stuck in my own head over the distance and throw away something we both had invested a lot into.


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