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  1. #1
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Question SHOULD I get her back?

    So.. I'm not even very sure where to begin with this one haha..

    there was this girl who I used to pass by almost everyday and she always kept looking at me weird, she was pretty attractive and I couldn't put my finger on it if she was either attracted to me or just thinks that I'm weird. Didn't contact her and actually tried to avoid her for a while, a year later - I decided to text her, we had a pretty awkward/playful conversation and she confessed that she indeed was attracted to me, but now it's all gone due to the fact that she has a boyfriend. We chatted almost everyday because she was just that cool and easy to interact with, I offered her to grab a snack the first day we actually interacted in person, so we did, went to a park, had a pretty interesting conversation, often times when I was talking I found her staring at me, after the meeting I was kind enough to walk her home (since it was pretty late and I would have hated my self if I would've let her walk alone at night). The next day, I see her and her boyfriend together (I've seen them together before, even making out and wasn't affected at all), but this time I went from a smile on my face to a frown in a heartbeat, I got so mad that I couldn't even be around my friends - I went home, I was clueless at the time and thought to myself what the hell is going on.. I'm not known to get pissed off very easily, especially to the point where I can't even be around my friends since I tend to be a good enough liar/actor and able to hide my negative emotions when I'm under the blue.. so, after some thinking I realized what I thought couldn't be true.. I caught feelings for a girl that has a boyfriend (dumb move I know, was never my intention). She kept saying from time to time that her boyfriend is a complete jerk, doesn't understand her and doesn't treat her well, yet I thought to my self that I shouldn't interrupt nor their relationship nor our friendship so I thought I'd keep it to my self and just try to stay friends. It was way harder than I thought, I mentioned a few times that I have something important to say to her, she said she also had something important to say, 0.1% of me thought that what she wants to say is that she likes me, after a couple of meetings, I got the balls and thought to my self - here goes nothing, I tell her that I'm attracted to her, she says that she feels the same way. After she said that my mind almost blew, felt like in a real soap opera, even tried to make it less awkward by saying it to her as well haha, we both didn't know what to do, even though she had thoughts about ending everything with him she still wasn't sure.

    We decided to not do anything for a while, not even a single kiss so she doesn't feel any pressure and can get her mind together to find a way to react to what's happening. Every single message, every single meeting and touch kept building more and more attraction, I was watching a movie at her place, we almost lost it when we were hugging each other, yet luckily we didn't. But the look in her eyes and her body language told me that this is a ticking time bomb, I was even trying to avoid that explosion so a couple of minutes later I went home. The next day we met up, were just sitting next to each other, the attraction built was still there on her part and mine, I got my lips close to her ear and said "one little kiss on the cheek isn't going to do much harm is it?" she tried to answer with a confident voice to justify her actions "no, I don't think it will", I kiss her on the cheek. From that point I had no idea why the **** I did something even more and tried to tease her, I told her to trust me, that I'm not going to do anything (because I wasn't going to), I was leaning closer and closer to her lips very slowly just enough to touch them and back away (again not a clue why I decided to do that), just a few inches left she looses it and kisses me! I thought to my self that oh well, what's done is done, I wasn't the one to break and the damage is already done so might as well enjoy the kiss, about half a minute later she pulls away, cursing herself for what she's done, we decided to call it a day and text each other when we got home. I went home, she kept saying that she's a slut for kissing when she has a boyfriend, I told her to relax, she's over reacting, that 50% of the blame is on my behalf and that she wouldn't have done that if she was truly in-love with him. I managed to calm her down, next day she tells me that she decided to be on a break with him until she realizes what she wants, I was happy at the time thinking - yes she's mine! From that point we were secretly dating, while she was showing affection towards me, when I saw them together in person she was very cold towards him, I didn't really felt bad for the guy cause from what she had told me before I even got attracted to her that he's a complete *ick and doesn't deserve her.

    So, from the very start we started dating I started losing points while her boyfriend was just gaining them, by that I mean he was acting as if he's changed, treating her better even if she was very resistant, I was a very jealous person at the time, thought of every guy in her life as a threat to our dating, very clingy, insecure and well.. lacked confidence. It wasn't long before she said that she made up her mind and she tells me that I won't be very happy about her decision, and believe me I wasn't, yet I was cool, didn't lose my shit and told her that the most important part is for her to be happy with her decision whether I like it or not (even though I was hurt I truly meant what I said since I care for her). She kept changing her mind over and over like every week, she was attracted to me obviously, but the fact that I was so demanding and tried to pressure the relationship on her instead of going with the flow she couldn't justify her actions enough to stay with me and the end result was that she said it's all over, she didn't even want to be friends with me because she was afraid that the attraction will appear on her part again. We still say a friendly hi to each other when we meet each other, but other than that nothing more, maybe a good luck text before a big project or something about once a month.

    And so I bring you to the present - about 3-4months have passed since all of that, and in that period of time I found my self thinking about why it all went wrong and found out that I was the one who fucked it all up and that I shouldn't blame her at all, I managed to find the sources of those problems, gained a lot of insight on my self (especially with the help of a few books on human psychology), became a lot more confident, jealousy became a thing of the past due to the new gained high self value and the knowledge I gained while studying PU. I'm not an expert on PU yet, nor my personality switched, but I noticed a change, and even my friends started saying that I'm no longer timid, even joked around that I'm a friendly narcissist and someone give 0 fucks about what people think of me (not in a cocky way where I put others down), and were even surprised to notice me getting more and more attention from girls. And I know that it's a very likely chance that I'd be able to get a meeting with her and even get "friendzoned" and start working from there with all sorts of strategies, and the more I think about it the more I think that I should.. Because even though I am seeing new women I still find my self every day thinking about her (even wonder sometimes if the reason I'm dating other women is just to forget her) because she was so cool, supportive, funny, playful and this is quite silly.. because I knew her for a couple months only, yet I still can't her out of my head, and even though she is seeing her boyfriend again, I can still see that his change was for a short period of time and that even though it was enough to spark the attraction back again for some period of time, she's only with him because she's afraid of change and to let go to find someone better.

    By the way, save the whole you're acting as if you're not worth her, over valuing her, you gave her too much power and other mistakes I made, I know, I was clueless at the time, that's the whole point of the me trying this 1 more time

    So this was a pretty long post as you can see, I need advice on what to do, should I try to remain friends with her and see if the attraction is still there and try to make her fall head over heels for me or should I just keep trying to forget her?

  2. #2
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: SHOULD I get her back?

    You have a severe case of one-itis.
    It happens to all of us at some point. But you're gonna have to make a decision & give it one final shot & / or move on.

    You're limiting yourself by putting SOOOOOO much focus on this one girl (who has a boyfriend).

    Honestly, you best bet is to put her on the back burner & keep working on yourself & your game. THEN come back to her at some point if you're still interested.

    But right now, you're only gonna drive yourself crazy, chasing something you can't have at the moment.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Alergy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: SHOULD I get her back?

    yeah that's probably the smartest thing to do, would be even more fun and useful to work on my self & especially my game and enjoy every single step I take. Honestly, this advice reminded me that the reason I started learning PU wasn't to get back together with her, but rather to improve my game to a point where I can sweep a woman off her feet with very little effort and retiring only when that goal is achieved, I think focusing only on that when it comes to my dating life would be wise. Anyways, I'll see if she still makes me feel the same way when we meet up in a week, if not - great, if she still does - not going to react and just give my full attention to my progression towards becoming a PUA. Thanks T-MAL


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