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  • 3 Post By drgnsfire12
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Thread: Making sense of it all, opinions?

  1. #1
    kevlar22 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Making sense of it all, opinions?

    In April, I set up a date with this OkCupid chick. It's going great, getting lots of Kino and humor. Then I asked "Did you go to Montreal last year?" She was stunned that I still remembered we met briefly and we talked about Canadia. Fast forward next 2 dates and we eventually sleep together. We didn't talk about exclusivity, but we were really into each other and agreed to see each other. From April onwards to the end of May, we basically saw each other every weekend

    On May 31st, she told me her schedule that she's going to be away every single weekend in June and that we won't be able to see each other for a while, at least until July. We realized it was ok, since I have finals for for most of June, so I would be studying and she'd be working. We celebrated her birthday, so all was well

    For the past 2 weeks, she was less responsive via text. I thought she was busy with dance, work and her master's thesis, so w.e

    We were supposed to video chat on Thursday and she never responded, which I thought was a little weird, considering that we haven't talked since Monday. I knew she was leaving for Boston on Friday, so I texted "Been studying all day, hope you have fun and wanted to tell you that I miss you". She texts me back late Friday night "Sorry haven't been responsive lately, I really enjoyed our time together, but I'm not ready for any commitments right now. let's just be friends and we can still hangout?" I was stunned and wanted to send an angry wall of text. I just typed back "That's fine we'll keep it simple" and she responds " "

    Here’s the plan:
    Freeze her out and text her to meet up this Thursday night after my finals before she leaves for California for 2 weeks and talk.
    Based on her response, if she's not willing to meet, then that's my answer to move on
    If we meet up and talk, then I want her to tell me what's going on, since things were going well

    If she insists on staying friends, then I would plan on saying that I care about her, that I can't do the whole friends thing, we shouldn't see each other, walk away and see what happens. At least, I'll have my answer

    Otherwise, what do you guys think in terms of:
    i) Attempting to see her before she leaves and trying to sort things out
    ii) trying to figure out what's going on because of the abrupt shift
    What else would you suggest to do or not do?

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Making sense of it all, opinions?

    If you are planning to freeze her out, I wouldn't meet up with her on Thursday to sort things out ..... put some space between you guys. I think it's important when stuff like this happens to not be phased by it even though it may bother the shit out of you, the idea is to not let her know that it bothers you, becase you are a guy who has his shit together, you have other options, and you are not going to sweat the let's just be friends card.

    A while back somebody wrote this about a similiar situation that I thought was interesting and something to think about


    "Look, I really like you. I want to know what you're favorite foods are, I want to know what it feels like to wake up next to you every morning, I want to meet your parents and have them fall in love with me, I want to be able to call you and just go on late night adventures with you. I WANT to kiss you from head to toe, and know what turns you on. I WANT to know what makes you sopping wet, and I WANT to date you and see where it leads to. We could be perfect for each other, Do you want to just let me go not knowing if I could be the greatest thing to ever happen to you? Your possible soul-mate? If you don't want that, then I understand, but we can't be friends anymore. I just can't do that, so I'm walking away forever.
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  3. #3
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    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Making sense of it all, opinions?

    It's hard to say what happened. You did good, progressed, and slept with her. You also didn't sweat it or push when she was busy. There's a good possibility she's seeing someone else who fits into her schedule better OR who she like more. That would explain the sudden coldness and lack of responsiveness. Women see multiple guys at the same time all the time. It's super common they just never talk about it.

    You need to pretend to not be phased by this like Drgnsfire said. You can't underestimate the importance of not giving a sh!t with women. You need to show you care for them while at the same time not caring if they leave...if that makes sense. The best relationships I've had is when I didn't give two sh!ts if my girlfriend left. I had all the power, and when they said something about leaving I would say "Go ahead, the doors right there". They knew I wouldn't be phased if they left and I could find someone else. This fact made them the most loyal, awesome girlfriends I ever had.

    The "lets just be friends" doesn't mean anything. Act like it didn't happen and keep messing around with her when you see her. If she brings it up again laugh it off. If she's very adamant about it tell her "Hey, I don't view you that way. I think you're awesome but I'm not going to be friends with you." Then leave and don't contact her again. She might contact you back she might not. They key is to say this in a matter of fact way and not get emotional.

    Honestly, I would give her some space for now and see her when she gets back. I've never had good luck trying to see a girl and "sort things out".

  4. #4
    DSAN1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Making sense of it all, opinions?

    Drgnsfire and Direct have hit the nail on the head .....care about them, without caring if they leave and always have other options

  5. #5
    kevlar22 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Making sense of it all, opinions?

    Thank you for the response DirectIsBest and drgnsfire12
    After reading your response, I do feel a bit better about myself to wait it out and to not get too phased by all of this

    I texted her today:
    "Halfway done with finals, freedom is sooo close. Gonna be in the city Thursday after my finals, let's meet up since it's been a while since we've seen each other"
    She texts back:
    "You're almost there! But don't think we can meet before I leave, already have plans...."
    I respond: "Alright, I'm still expecting a souvenir though". She hasn't responded since this morning, and it's surprising, since she always made the effort to see me, but she does have work the next day and she is leaving for her flight right after work. I know, I'm reading too much into this

    I don't know if I should've persisted further with in saying we should meet up
    I will admit though, I was about to do a very beta thing (something I have never done with girls) and call her and almost force her to meet up with me Thursday by saying "Hey I know you're busy, but let's meet up for a little bit and talk"

    This is all very surprising and frustrating, since out of all the girls I've slept with in the past year, I've dropped and have been ok with losing them.
    Her on the other hand, I remember meeting in Montreal last year, and then by chance we end up meeting through OkCupid and we hit it off, where everything was just passionate. I know, it sounds like i have oneitis, and maybe that's what it is. In all honesty though, the whole frustrating thing about this is the ambiguity in what happened.

    I was thinking of texting her the day after she comes back to meet up with her that week (the week of July 4th), would that be too soon?

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    It's hard to say what happened. You did good, progressed, and slept with her. You also didn't sweat it or push when she was busy. There's a good possibility she's seeing someone else who fits into her schedule better OR who she like more. That would explain the sudden coldness and lack of responsiveness. Women see multiple guys at the same time all the time. It's super common they just never talk about it.

    You need to pretend to not be phased by this like Drgnsfire said. You can't underestimate the importance of not giving a sh!t with women. You need to show you care for them while at the same time not caring if they leave...if that makes sense. The best relationships I've had is when I didn't give two sh!ts if my girlfriend left. I had all the power, and when they said something about leaving I would say "Go ahead, the doors right there". They knew I wouldn't be phased if they left and I could find someone else. This fact made them the most loyal, awesome girlfriends I ever had.

    The "lets just be friends" doesn't mean anything. Act like it didn't happen and keep messing around with her when you see her. If she brings it up again laugh it off. If she's very adamant about it tell her "Hey, I don't view you that way. I think you're awesome but I'm not going to be friends with you." Then leave and don't contact her again. She might contact you back she might not. They key is to say this in a matter of fact way and not get emotional.

    Honestly, I would give her some space for now and see her when she gets back. I've never had good luck trying to see a girl and "sort things out".

  6. #6
    kevlar22 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Making sense of it all, opinions?

    It also doesn't help that I can't see her moments on WeChat, so I don't know if she made her posts totally private or only so that I can no longer see them. Either way the ambiguity is what was bothering me and something I haven't experienced with the previous girls I've been with


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