Not been on here for a while as I met a great girl and went into a LTR. 6 months of hot hook ups together, then moved in for a year.
She was married and her husband was controlling, so she wanted out, we met and she fell in love with me and me her, so we moved in together.
However, pretty much as soon as we moved in she went cold as I got more AFC and needy on her (hey it happens) we argued a lot about her going out and me not being invited (she didn't want her friends and family meeting the guy she hooked up with so soon after her marriage ended, so she kept saying I couldn't come along), then her not contacting me while she was gone. She'd get pissed that I was angry about her doing this, she felt I was being controlling.
I moved out, we still saw each other for a year hooking up, then she slowly put me in the friend zone. I wanted to stay friends, as she is a great girl and we shared lots of the same interests and views on life.
I did however keep trying to game her back, and act as though she was still my girlfriend. She moved away and we last slept together at a work Christmas party (yep we work together, complicated huh) but still went out together to see films, comedy nights, get food, hang out. She would then go off with her friends at the weekends and I would try staying in contact with text and she wouldn't often reply, so I'd get pissy with her about this.
This culminated in a weekend she went off grid all weekend suddenly, I got upset she didn't even say "hey I'm off out, later" she just stopped replying mid convo we were having. She didnt talk to me for a week because she was so angry I was treating her like this.
We made up but she was still real cold about my behaviour, said I needed to start acting like a friend and stop trying to tell her what to do, stop sending her text all the time, and start showing her I was changing and just be a mate. I said that's fine, I just like spending time with you and want to hang out with you a bit more. this was on a Friday lunch time, we'd gone for a walk. She agreed to spend more time, and we arranged a cinema trip on the following Monday after work.
We text a bit over the weekend, but she went off grid on Saturday night so I left it and didn't contact her.
Monday lunch, we go for a walk again and she's all distant, totally different attitude to Friday, I ask her what's up and she doesn't say at first. Eventually she tells me "I was out on Saturday night, with a guy". I said "oh ok, did you stay over?" She said "No, but I really like him, I'm going to see him again". I felt like I'd been gut punched, so just walked away, said "I dont think we should do tonight", she said "ok" and I walked off ignored her for a week and a half.
After that time I was feeling better, it was inevitable she would find a new guy, just a shock that day had now come and I was hurt. Also, I was upset she'd not been more honest with me, had dangled the carrot of hanging out more, knowing she was on a date the following evening.
So, I did no contact for a week and a half to heal up, then decided sod it, life's too short to not have a great friend and decided to talk to her. I went in and chatted to her but she was cold, so after a brief "how are you convo", left her to it. I text her that night to say "hey please could you bring back my clothes, books and other stuff, and do you want to go for a walk tomorrow, nothing heavy just shoot the shit?" No reply from her.
Next day was Friday, I tried to see if we could go for a walk and talk, this is the IM convo:
how are you today
wann go for a walk at lunch, wanna tell you about my promotion
i have payment run and too much to do
not planning on taking lunch today
i am on holiday next week
blimey, going anywhere nice?
you in a tent?
look i am sorry but i am busy and do need to get on and i don't really think us talkign is a good idea right now
going with the new bloke?
i don't really think it is any of your business any more so if it is ok with you i don't want to talk to you about any of it
well its a good way to get to know someone! have a nice time hope the weather stays nice for you!
i will collect your stuff up and bring it back when i am back
ok cool thanks. Really tho, have a nice time you ding bat
That's the last I've heard from her. She's deleted me off Facebook and won't talk to me.
I don't want to lose her as a friend, we connected and I do hang out with other people, but they aren't as much fun as her, don't have the same world view and don't like doing all the stuff we used to do.
Should I just give up on this, walk away forever or what? We work together so that's gonna be tough. Anyone gone through a LTR to friends to her ignoring completely when she's met someone new and understand where she's coming from and what I should do?