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Thread: Going for it with the magic letter

  1. #1
    sr0d is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Going for it with the magic letter

    Hi All,

    I posted a similar question in the wrong forum. I have an updated Magic Letter that I am planning on sending today. Its been over 2 weeks. They say 3 weeks is the right time but given that we didn't have a full blow relationship I think things hopefully calmed down. Anyway here is my message. I don't have an email for her so I'm going to send this through facebook. As well as a request. I know bit mistake but its what I got.

    This letter to me serves two purposes. 1) to try to get her back as a friend and 2) if she doesn't want that then I can (for me anyway) attain closure and move on.

    Pretty much this girl broke things off via text. She was super pissed at me for something foolish I had done. I suppose being pissed is good because it shows that she cares.

    The magic letter is something I read that follows a formula: Open with something that has a powerful emotional charge, second part involves something to effect that you are saying she is not the person you thought she was (girls hate to be seen in a negative light) and then finally the hook where you basically say you might be wrong about her and you want to be friends. Seems simple enough right?

    here is my letter

    Hello….I was cleaning out my inbox when I found this. I figured out though that this was from our night at Ra. I have been thinking a lot about that last week when shit got crazy between us. I understand that you cutting it off was for the best. Fuck I would have done it too if you were treating me that way. I respect your decision but I just need a minute of your time to share something with you.

    Before I do that, I just want to make one thing clear. I really cared for you. The real you won me over, from your no nonsense tell it like it is style, to the way you would smile at me so shy and lay your head on my shoulders when I held your hand. I loved your uniqueness and willingness to be spontaneous with me. There was a sense of adventure and excitement when we were together. The energy was high and sparks flew during our nights together. MOST of all though, I loved how genuinely loving and empathetic you were with everyone, especially your family. You saw the issues I have with my family and you gave me advise and helped me get perspective. You have such a close bond with your mom and sisters, I have always respected you for that ability to love endlessly.

    Also, you were the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I would have sung that to you ever day and never gotten sick of it. I would have given you the world. I adored you and I deeply cared for the person you seemed to be….

    However what I have realized over the past week is that I might have been wrong about who you truly were. I was immature and stupid and yes I text you the most stupid shit ever and I regret that every day but never for a second did I think you would just drop me over text….you even said that was a shitty thing to do. I understand you were mad at me and wanted to hurt me but it wasn’t fair to handle it that way. I was confused and you had me at a point where your actions weren’t consistent with the person I thought I knew you to be.

    The thing that also pissed me off is how you just grouped me into the mix of other douche bag players without any consideration for how I had always treated you with respect and adored you. I never once tried playing you and wouldn’t ever think of seeing someone else while we were together yet without hesitation you label me as a player. I tried to get together with you that Friday night. You tell me that you can hang out and then you don’t answer my calls and tell me later you were out with your friends. Dude that hurt and I felt like I was the one being played. I feel that maybe you used that situation where I was acting stupid as an opportunity to break it off. All those things that made me deeply care for you felt like a lie and I was just being played.

    Despite these doubts….I believe that the universe brings people together for a reason and I have to trust in all those things that made you special to me from the beginning. We only have so much time in this world and only so many people we can let into our lives. I’m not asking you to take me back and give me a second chance. I respect your decision, however I happen to think you are special and it would be unfortunate if we couldn’t make peace and be friends. There could be some fun memories ahead of us. Shit I still have those monster mash tickets and would love to take someone who would love that show as much as me. I can’t think of a better person to take than you.

    Anyway, I’m going to send you a friend request through here….I took some time thinking about whether to do that so I understand if you will need some time to think about it as well.

    I know this got a little long but I appreciate you taking the time to read what I wanted to share with you.
    I wish you the best no matter what you decide.
    Steven

    P.S. I hear a hookah is a common way people in the middle east make peace…jus sayin.

    Gonna send it today. Wish me luck. I'll let you know the outcome.
    SR0D

  2. #2
    derpaderp is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Quote Originally Posted by sr0d View Post
    Hi All,

    I posted a similar question in the wrong forum. I have an updated Magic Letter that I am planning on sending today. Its been over 2 weeks. They say 3 weeks is the right time but given that we didn't have a full blow relationship I think things hopefully calmed down. Anyway here is my message. I don't have an email for her so I'm going to send this through facebook. As well as a request. I know bit mistake but its what I got.

    This letter to me serves two purposes. 1) to try to get her back as a friend and 2) if she doesn't want that then I can (for me anyway) attain closure and move on.

    Pretty much this girl broke things off via text. She was super pissed at me for something foolish I had done. I suppose being pissed is good because it shows that she cares.

    The magic letter is something I read that follows a formula: Open with something that has a powerful emotional charge, second part involves something to effect that you are saying she is not the person you thought she was (girls hate to be seen in a negative light) and then finally the hook where you basically say you might be wrong about her and you want to be friends. Seems simple enough right?

    here is my letter

    Hello….I was cleaning out my inbox when I found this. I figured out though that this was from our night at Ra. I have been thinking a lot about that last week when shit got crazy between us. I understand that you cutting it off was for the best. Fuck I would have done it too if you were treating me that way. I respect your decision but I just need a minute of your time to share something with you.

    Before I do that, I just want to make one thing clear. I really cared for you. The real you won me over, from your no nonsense tell it like it is style, to the way you would smile at me so shy and lay your head on my shoulders when I held your hand. I loved your uniqueness and willingness to be spontaneous with me. There was a sense of adventure and excitement when we were together. The energy was high and sparks flew during our nights together. MOST of all though, I loved how genuinely loving and empathetic you were with everyone, especially your family. You saw the issues I have with my family and you gave me advise and helped me get perspective. You have such a close bond with your mom and sisters, I have always respected you for that ability to love endlessly.

    Also, you were the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I would have sung that to you ever day and never gotten sick of it. I would have given you the world. I adored you and I deeply cared for the person you seemed to be….

    However what I have realized over the past week is that I might have been wrong about who you truly were. I was immature and stupid and yes I text you the most stupid shit ever and I regret that every day but never for a second did I think you would just drop me over text….you even said that was a shitty thing to do. I understand you were mad at me and wanted to hurt me but it wasn’t fair to handle it that way. I was confused and you had me at a point where your actions weren’t consistent with the person I thought I knew you to be.

    The thing that also pissed me off is how you just grouped me into the mix of other douche bag players without any consideration for how I had always treated you with respect and adored you. I never once tried playing you and wouldn’t ever think of seeing someone else while we were together yet without hesitation you label me as a player. I tried to get together with you that Friday night. You tell me that you can hang out and then you don’t answer my calls and tell me later you were out with your friends. Dude that hurt and I felt like I was the one being played. I feel that maybe you used that situation where I was acting stupid as an opportunity to break it off. All those things that made me deeply care for you felt like a lie and I was just being played.

    Despite these doubts….I believe that the universe brings people together for a reason and I have to trust in all those things that made you special to me from the beginning. We only have so much time in this world and only so many people we can let into our lives. I’m not asking you to take me back and give me a second chance. I respect your decision, however I happen to think you are special and it would be unfortunate if we couldn’t make peace and be friends. There could be some fun memories ahead of us. Shit I still have those monster mash tickets and would love to take someone who would love that show as much as me. I can’t think of a better person to take than you.

    Anyway, I’m going to send you a friend request through here….I took some time thinking about whether to do that so I understand if you will need some time to think about it as well.

    I know this got a little long but I appreciate you taking the time to read what I wanted to share with you.
    I wish you the best no matter what you decide.
    Steven

    P.S. I hear a hookah is a common way people in the middle east make peace…jus sayin.

    Gonna send it today. Wish me luck. I'll let you know the outcome.
    SR0D

    Best of Luck (: do let us know what happens, Personally i am very curious!

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    sr0d (09-08-2015)

  4. #3
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    I always get worried when guys want to pour their hearts out to a woman in a letter and then whine about the shit that happened in the relationship . What is the goal of sending this letter, because I can see nothing good coming from sending it
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  5. #4
    sr0d is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Yea I can see your point. I had something very different before but did some research and saw this magic letter thing so I said well let me give it a go. If anything I'll be the guinea pig here and will give you guys an update on whether this works. I didn't really explain it to well but the idea of the letter is 3 things. Whether I did that correctly is another matter.

    The first part of the letter is to build up an emotional connection, the goal is to bring up visuals and the feelings that were experienced during the relationship that would bring a "high". It should also be very clear that you aren't asking for her back. In fact you should NEVER ask or beg for her back. You are the one establishing power and decision which is emphasized by the second part.

    The second part is the "push" part of it. Its the part where you question all those things you layed out at the beginning. Its to make her think that you have formed a negative perception or opinion about who she is. Accoring to the article this is suppose to spark another emotional side and what they said was that woman don't like to be "disliked". I think this is the riskiest part because there has to be a very fine line. My concern with this section of my letter is that it has come across as moany.

    The final part is what I would liken to the walking away and then turning back to the woman. You are giving her a chance to redeem your feelings about who she is. You are being very specific about being a friend. Nowhere do you want to ask for her back. You have the attitude that you're moving on but you want to reconcile maybe part of the relationship.

    Status so far is that she read it pretty much around the time I sent it. The friend request is still pending and I think that is a good sign because she might be considering or maybe she is just going to string this along. I'm thinking the later because I did ask her to take her time because I did. Right now I think I would put myself at maybe a 30% chance of getting her as friends but at least thats better than 0%.

    Anyway thanks for the feedback. I'll keep you guys posted.

  6. #5
    derpaderp is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Quote Originally Posted by sr0d View Post
    Yea I can see your point. I had something very different before but did some research and saw this magic letter thing so I said well let me give it a go. If anything I'll be the guinea pig here and will give you guys an update on whether this works. I didn't really explain it to well but the idea of the letter is 3 things. Whether I did that correctly is another matter.

    The first part of the letter is to build up an emotional connection, the goal is to bring up visuals and the feelings that were experienced during the relationship that would bring a "high". It should also be very clear that you aren't asking for her back. In fact you should NEVER ask or beg for her back. You are the one establishing power and decision which is emphasized by the second part.

    The second part is the "push" part of it. Its the part where you question all those things you layed out at the beginning. Its to make her think that you have formed a negative perception or opinion about who she is. Accoring to the article this is suppose to spark another emotional side and what they said was that woman don't like to be "disliked". I think this is the riskiest part because there has to be a very fine line. My concern with this section of my letter is that it has come across as moany.

    The final part is what I would liken to the walking away and then turning back to the woman. You are giving her a chance to redeem your feelings about who she is. You are being very specific about being a friend. Nowhere do you want to ask for her back. You have the attitude that you're moving on but you want to reconcile maybe part of the relationship.

    Status so far is that she read it pretty much around the time I sent it. The friend request is still pending and I think that is a good sign because she might be considering or maybe she is just going to string this along. I'm thinking the later because I did ask her to take her time because I did. Right now I think I would put myself at maybe a 30% chance of getting her as friends but at least thats better than 0%.

    Anyway thanks for the feedback. I'll keep you guys posted.
    Its still not a bad idea doing the whole thing. Its not perfect to keep i mind.
    if i were to add something, id add The Feeling of "fear of Loss". Which is very powerful coming From Mystery.

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  8. #6
    sr0d is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    So you think if I would have left out the last paragraph then it would have more of punch? I read the Mystery Method and actually i think doing that might have backfired on me because I didn't know how to use it right. So this girl is a total 10...I don't get a crack at many of those but I was using all the things I learned to perfection. She was even saying that she couldn't understand how I've kept her interest for some long cuz most guys are douchebags, etc. So anyway she did something that pissed me off so I pushed her away and then boom she was clamoring back. The thing where I believe it backfired though was that she now was insecure so i feel like later she broke it off from me to have that upper hand. She didn't want to be abandoned? So with this letter I sort of felt I needed to try to break that pattern and give her an assurance of better times ahead (ex. rock concernt).

    Does any of that make sense? Have you had similar experiences with the "fear of loss" technique?

  9. #7
    sr0d is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Oh yea also I would love to see an example of a way i could use that technique in this letter.

  10. #8
    sr0d is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Ok quick update. Sorry thought I posted already. She replied back with a thumbs up and accepted. I tried to see her on the weekend but she dissed. She first said yes then came up with a lame excuse. Anyway I blew it off like nothing and then I invited her to lunch. We met and things were interesting. She actually cried and I apologized. I brought a rose which I think softened her up. Guys bring a single rose...it works. So I'm thinking things are cool...we are going to get back and then she started to withdraw. It was after I tried to hold her hand. Big mistake fellas...big mistake! I'm learning that you have to do baby steps. I then apologized via text about that after we were done and she replied that she didn't want me to think that I can just be forgiven so easily. Fair enough...since then we text a few times but last night she just dissapeared and haven't heard back.

    In short, this is what I learned. The magic letter seemed to do the trick, no hand holding (baby steps), and don't flip if she don't answer text messages. I'm kinda lost right now though. This is where I need to find the right balance. I like the idea of "fear of loss" but not sure if thats the right strategy here. Do I push things forward or do I just back off and let her come to me? I'm thinking the later but I recognize that every girl is different. Need advice please.

  11. #9
    derpaderp is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Quote Originally Posted by sr0d View Post
    Ok quick update. Sorry thought I posted already. She replied back with a thumbs up and accepted. I tried to see her on the weekend but she dissed. She first said yes then came up with a lame excuse. Anyway I blew it off like nothing and then I invited her to lunch. We met and things were interesting. She actually cried and I apologized. I brought a rose which I think softened her up. Guys bring a single rose...it works. So I'm thinking things are cool...we are going to get back and then she started to withdraw. It was after I tried to hold her hand. Big mistake fellas...big mistake! I'm learning that you have to do baby steps. I then apologized via text about that after we were done and she replied that she didn't want me to think that I can just be forgiven so easily. Fair enough...since then we text a few times but last night she just dissapeared and haven't heard back.

    In short, this is what I learned. The magic letter seemed to do the trick, no hand holding (baby steps), and don't flip if she don't answer text messages. I'm kinda lost right now though. This is where I need to find the right balance. I like the idea of "fear of loss" but not sure if thats the right strategy here. Do I push things forward or do I just back off and let her come to me? I'm thinking the later but I recognize that every girl is different. Need advice please.
    She Cried And Apologized, still emotion There which is good in my opinion.
    Personally id take things forward but not overdo it, you woudnt want to seem needy.

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  13. #10
    sr0d is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going for it with the magic letter

    Yea I sent a couple of text since last night with no response and gave her a call. Went to vmail after 3 rings like she did it on purpose...feel like I'm blowing up her phone so I'm not going to send another today. Before I went to bed I sent a text that said I was glad that she opened up to me at lunch and appreciated she put her guard down. I did something debatable though and I'm thinking this was a bad call. I pretty much said that I didn't ask if she even wanted me to pursue more than a friendship and if not then I would back away and not force it on her if her heart isn't in it. I tried to do that whole "fear of loss" thing. If anything maybe it gave her something to think about. IDK...bad call maybe? Maybe it sounded too needy?

    Ugh for anyone else reading this...guys think twice about going back with your girl. I feel like I'm back to feeling the anxiety and angst as before. Life would've been simpler but damnit I'm a junkie for those endorphines. I wish there was a drug you can just take to erase someone from your feelings.


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