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  • 1 Post By flyingwhale
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Thread: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

  1. #1
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    First off I want to clarify this isn't just a random girl I'm trying to sleep with. This is about a girl who I really, really want to be with. Sorry if it's long.

    I dated this girl. We started as drinking buddies who have good sex together. We dated each other, but not exclusively. I fucked other girls and she fucked other guys. we were both cool with that. We both grew closer to each other to the point where were exclusive and even thinking of moving in together.

    Plot twist: she moves to another country across the world. Wants me to come with her but that won't work for my life. She's gone for a year. I visit her for a 2 week period and we have a blast together. More drugs, sex, and fun adventures than you could imagine. 1 year passes and we drifted apart. I'm starting new relationships here and she's making new relationships in other countries.

    Time comes she finally comes back back. I'm excited, this is the girl I used to drink with and fuck 5 times a day. I am my usual cocky and flirty self. I joke around, move in for the ever smallest kiss, a sure fire move. But the unthinkable happened! It's never happened before, I mean I did everything right. SHE BACKED AWAY?!!

    I was devastated. Of course I didn't show that. I just played it off with my normal cocky attitude. A few hours later we're splitting a six pack at my house. The conversation comes up, "I wanna talk about us". She said she wants to get her life sorted. Has a lot to deal with and wants to stay single. Oh and I quote, "and no fuck buddies either". I knew things between us were off ever since she backed away from that kiss but I didn't think things were this bad.

    As a recovery I told her that back when we were dating, I used to really really like her. But a year is a long time. Feelings change. To be honest I thought you were going to ask to move in with me and be your boyfriend. I'm not ready for that". Something along those lines. We changed the subject and drank some more with some obvious flirting/touching. But nothing more than light Kino and a few sexual innuendos. The night ended with me hugging her goodbye and her driving into the distance.

    Fin.

    Other than forgetting about this girl, what advice can you give me? How should I play this from here on out? I want to be with her, personally feel I'll be able to make her fall for me again with random hang outs. Have one planned already with a group of my friends. But wanted ya'lls advice as well. It's your time to shine.

    Thanks you sexy beasts.

  2. #2
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    Thinking more about this, I have a game plan. I just want to know if you think I should make any changes to it. We still hang out as she's hitting me up for more and more things - like go shopping together, go to parties, etc. I'm going to continue to hang out with her. But become less emotionally involved. Talk to her about other girls I'm dating. In reality, she dumped me. But I can be the one who friend zones her before she friend zones me, if that makes sense. Continue to hang out with her, but not 100% of the times she wants to so I'm less available. Friends is how it all started. I feel every girl I ever dated started as friends. I know I have an awesome personality and am really fun to be with. I'm very confident in myself and show it when around other people. Slowly she'll start to fall for me again just like it originally happened and then one drunken night we'll hook up. Like I said I'd rather be with this girl than anyone else right now. But that can easily change depending how the situation goes in the near future.

    I know I'm over analyzing things and should just go with the flow but that's the kinda person I am. I'll never change in that aspect. Of course I'm going to keep my options open and date other girls. I already have other dates planned with other ladies. Whatcha all think?

  3. #3
    flyingwhale is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    Quote Originally Posted by OG_PlMP View Post
    I'm going to continue to hang out with her. But become less emotionally involved. Talk to her about other girls I'm dating. In reality, she dumped me. But I can be the one who friend zones her before she friend zones me, if that makes sense. Continue to hang out with her, but not 100% of the times she wants to so I'm less available. Friends is how it all started.
    I am no master in this but I've been through something similar. I'll share some thoughts, not meant as advice, but it might help to see how others deal with this:

    - As long as you're not together with her but you still hang out, you're already in the friendzone, she doesn't need to say it explicitly. She knows that you'd want more, she has the upper hand.

    - In this situation I think very good about what I want, I don't want to be friends with her, that time passed long ago, now it's different, either we're together or nothing.

    - What I would do and I did in my case: cut contact completely. It's the best thing to do, whether you want her back or wanna get over her, cutting contact will help you. Besides, if you do it now, while you guys are still hanging out, it's the best, cause she'll be intrigued, how come suddenly you're not available? if anything it's gonna make her miss you. I wouldn't say it explicitly, just politely decline each time she contacts me.

    - If she's really insistent, I'd meet her but keep it cool, positive, see what she has to say and keep it brief, whatever she says, I'd say I'll think about it, end the meeting with a very positive note.

    ...this way you'll have the upper hand. You must never appear needy. You must appear that you're in charge and that she's about to lose something good.

    Final thought: It's mostly about what's in your mind and what you want. It was easy to have her before, now you can't have her. We want most what we can't have... simple as that. The best way to get her back is to first get over her.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    Great ideas and advice so far. In my opinion, non-exclusive relationships don't need to be handled much differently then traditional ones once they fall apart. A few quick hits of advice:

    ->Like mentioned above, your best chance to re-obtain a sexual relationship with her is to NOT BE FRIENDS with her.

    ->Start caring less now and keep thinking with an abundance Mindset. Be 100% ready to walk away from the situation.

    ->Say one thing but DO THE OPPOSITE. Tell her you guys are friends and everything is cool but don't do any of the things that one would expect from a friend.

    ->Be a challenge and start taking away the things that you had together. Make plans with her but then cancel them later. Variate the length of time it takes you to respond to her text messages. Have a couple exchanges back and forth but then don't reply for several hours. If she calls you at night, return her call the next day. She's going to be wondering what you're up to. This is exactly how guys with an abundance of women act naturally. They're too busy to give all their attention to any particular girl.

    ->Start meeting and dating other women if you're not already.

    ->Don't bring up relationship talk with her what so ever while you're doing this. You want her to chase after you. After doing all of this for a while, meet up with her and build attraction and see if she reciprocates. You'll know whether it's there or not.

    Best of luck!

  5. #5
    flyingwhale is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dizzie View Post
    ->Say one thing but DO THE OPPOSITE. Tell her you guys are friends and everything is cool but don't do any of the things that one would expect from a friend.
    I just realized that this is exactly what I do, I didn't even think about it but it is true... I would totally do that, I think out of instinct.... hehe

    I agree too with the above mentioned only my style would be a bit more radical, I'd just completely stop contact with her. Even if I bump into her (like it happened to me recently) I say hello, vey positive, but after that keep distance, ignore her. This way she'll feel like she's losing something or she did something wrong. It sounds manipulative - and it is - but essentially that's life

    No Victor Believes In Chance

    C.

  6. #6
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    Quote Originally Posted by flyingwhale View Post
    I am no master in this but I've been through something similar. I'll share some thoughts, not meant as advice, but it might help to see how others deal with this
    Quote Originally Posted by Dizzie View Post
    Great ideas and advice so far. In my opinion, non-exclusive relationships don't need to be handled much differently then traditional ones once they fall apart. A few quick hits of advice
    Update: Hangout 1 was already planned before things went downhill, It was a success. I know you said cut contact completely but this was an event planned long ago with a group of my friends and we all paid a lot of money for it. I treated her just as a friend. Nothing more. I did lots of flirty Kino but nothing more than some leg rubs and arm touches. We all had an absolute blast. I believe I could have easily fucked her but that may be counter productive (her having afterthoughts, too soon, blame on alcohol, etc) for my endgame goal.

    On the ride back it was just me and her and we talked about all our adventures during the weekend. Then we started talking about all the fun things we used to do together back in the day. She started bringing up all the things she wants to do with me in the future. I was mostly aloof, saying things like, "maybe, if I have time". Then later she said "we should be a couple", but quickly hesitated and changed that with "or not, I'm not looking for that right now". I laughed and replied "don't worry, I'm not ready for a relationship with any girl right now either". She seemed kind of upset but trying to hide her emotions. Night ended very positively with a kiss on her cheek.

    I tried following your advice. Just as you guys said she's been in control of the entire situation but I feel the power is slowly shifting from her hands to mine. The only thing I need now is a little time, I'm thinking 1-2 weeks of little to no contact, then invite her out for drinks and game her as if she were a fresh girl... although I know everything about her. I know what she likes and what she doesn't like so I can game her accordingly. To me it seems almost guaranteed success.

  7. #7
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How badly did I play this? How much hope do I have?

    I guess my question now is how long do you think I should wait before I meet with her again? And do you think I should make a move on our next hangout or should I wait a little longer? I'm thinking I should just go with the flow and when the mood and time seems right I go for it and have sex with her. That's usually how I do things.


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