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Thread: Out of nowhere: "Sorry, I think I don't love you anymore, bye bye".

  1. #1
    resistence's Avatar
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    Question Out of nowhere: "Sorry, I think I don't love you anymore, bye bye".

    Hey guys and girls,

    would appreciate some advice on this one here. Thanks in advance.

    The relationship was solid, almost 4 years. I'm 30, she is 26. It started as long distance relationship, she moved into my town after she got her degree, found work here and one or two female friends. We both made plans to move into one apartment within the next four months and had planed a trip to the US and A which she set up and an saving account - just a month ago - for. My idea was the trip, her idea was the saving account. During the week, she usually does her stuff and I do mine (I'm quite busy with university every week until all the exams are over) but we always see each other on the weekends. Always. She already has a job with an income but I'm still a university because I quit my job to get an higher degree which I will have in about six months.

    Anyway, about three weeks ago, she started doing fitness again. This girly workout courses to lose weight. At the same time my friend's birthday comes up and she tells me she is not going with me because she is going out with a female friend named Svenja from work. Strange since she was also at his wedding but then again it's usually all males and only one or two females so I guess it is understandable. Still the first time in months that we had not spend the night on the weekend together.

    Next weekend comes up, I tell her it is football on Friday so I'm going to watch football on my TV and she straight tells me she is not coming because she doesn't want to watch it. She is not really into football at all but still, I tell her the game is not important and I would love to have her over for a wine and stuff. She refuses. Next day she comes over in the morning and brings breakfast. After we had breakfast, first thing she does is going on my laptop and she starts looking for lollapalooza festival tickets. She had told me about the festival before but wasn't sure whether to go or not a couple of weeks back so I was a bit surprised. The festival is in another city where just recently a female co-worker moved, so she books her train and festival tickets. On that night, the two of us went to a birthday party of one of her female friends. Sunday was sexy time and a dinner afterwards.

    So she visited the festival from Friday to Sunday and we texted for that time, nothing special. She returned late Sunday and we phoned on Monday, I tell her that I'm super sick but that I have to make it to university no matter what and can't take days off. The next day, she offers via text to bring me soup to my place at 10 p.m. after her workout stuff but had to be at university until 10 p.m. but still, I say thank you. She sends me that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too.

    We agreed via text to meet on Thursday to have dinner. So we meet on Thursday and remember, we haven't seen each other in 10 days thanks to her festival visit. She is super excited to see me, all smiles and waving her hand for 30 seconds. Like seriously, seriously happy to see me. I tease her, tell her I'm still sick and I can't kiss her because than she would probably die that very instant because was still a bit sick at that time. She smiles and says: "I don't care, I want my hello-kiss. Where is my kiss?" I laugh and we kiss. We have dinner which was only okay because I was a bit off. She tells me that she is going to celebrate a birthday with her friends from the festival the next weekend. They would come from that other city to the one we live in. After the dinner I take her for a walk and explain that I'm a bit down because my mother was just diagnosed with breasts cancer and yeah, that obviously sucks. She hugs me a few times, says she is going to bring wine and movies to cheer me up the next day (Friday). I ask her if I could come with her to that upcoming birthday party since my mother will have surgery in the next days, so I will spend most of my time in the hospital with my mother and I would appreciate some new faces. She kind of agrees.

    We walk to the train station and suddenly she stops and asks me: Do you really want to come to that birthday party? I'm like, why? Why is that even a question. She replies: No, no it's not. I say I'm not a 100 % sure and I will let here know. We take the train and she stares at me for 2 minutes straight. I ask again: Everything okay? She says: Yeah, yes.

    We get off, kiss and say good-bye.

    Next day (Friday), she comes to my apartment as planed. Opens the door. In tears. "Look, we need to talk". We sit on my couch. "There is no easy way of saying this but I guess I don't love you anymore", she says in tears. I'm still calm and collected but I ask her if this is some kind of joke. She says no, cries, says she is sorry multiple times and that I'm more of buddy to her than a boyfriend. I want to hug her but she screams "NOO, don't touch me" and that one my friends, that one really hurt.

    Again, I ask her how that is even possible because of all her happiness she showed when she saw me yesterday, the waving, the full-time smile. She says that somehow a "button" was pushed in her mind and know she knows she doesn't love my anymore. We sit there in silence, she still in tears. I ask her to leave to have some space for myself, she agrees. She wants to give me her keys to my apartment but for some reason, I tell her to keep the keys as we can sort stuff out later. She keeps the keys, stays at my door and tells me that I could always contact her, always. I just stare at her, still sitting on my couch. I say nothing. A few seconds later, she complains: "Why don't you give me a proper good-bye"? I walk to the door, stare at her and realize she wants a hug, I say no and open the door.

    Next day, I call her in the morning. I just say hi and wait for her to say something but she doesn't say much so I offer to bring her stuff over but she says she can come over to my place and pick it up but I insist. She agree sand cries a bit on the phone. I go over there, super awkward moments, we both don't know what to say. The whole time she avoids to look into my face. But I ask her again: Like seriously, what happened, is it because of that stupid birthday party? Is it because of my mother? She replies: No, it's because of that "button" in her head.

    I ask for my keys and she reaches for the keys but her hand is shaking like crazy, like literally shaking as she hands over the keys. I go to her door, open the door a bit and close it again. She stares at me the whole time. As I close the door, I look back one more time and she opens her arms to hug me one last time but I tell her fare-well, wish her all the best and tell her that I don't want this anymore (to hug her). I leave and close the door.

    20 minutes after I left her place, I get an e-mail, basically saying that "she really wished to spend her future with me", "she tried to push her feelings away but was overwhelmed in the end and that's why she never had the courage to say anything", "she had loved me very dearly and deeply and hopes I know that", "she doesn't expect an answer but for the future, I could always contact her for whatever reasons, always".


    That was a week ago, I haven't replied to her e-mail mainly because I still have no clue what happened here. It can happen, people stop loving, sure but to my understanding it starts with less sex, less "romantic" talk in the text messages and you wouldn't be that stoked to see your partner.

    Looking back, I noticed that she told me cut my hair in a different way (but I'm happy the way it is, which I told her) or at out last visit to the mall, to buy these hip new pants (which I didn't buy because I like my style). She works in the fashion industry and designs clothes, I have an skate and surfing background so I wouldn't say I don't care about the way I dress.

    What I also noticed, that some female friends she met at her company all have been single for years and that she never introduced me to any of these friends. She showed me pictures of them and always told me about their dinners and parties but there have been only a few over the past year. It just picked up the last four weeks ago when she met some new female friends at work and they went to these super hip places, places my social circle and the two of us would never have gone. Usually she doesn't drink much when we go out with my friends but there she would get more than a few beers, she would go for cocktails, shots and what not.

    For me, it came out of nowhere. The last time she was on my laptop, she looked online for lamps and furniture for an apartment. So yeah, I don't really know what to do. Any ideas? Thanks again for reading.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Out of nowhere: "Sorry, I think I don't love you anymore, bye bye".

    I don't really know what to do. Any ideas?
    the only thing you can do. walk away, cherish the good memories you had together, keep improving yourself and move on to better things.

    there's no sense in worrying over why she left, it will just haunt you and eat your happiness if you don't learn to let it go.

  3. #3
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Out of nowhere: "Sorry, I think I don't love you anymore, bye bye".

    Honestly I'm probably the last person you should take advice from as I'm in a very similar situation. You could see my post in the same sub-forum as yours (and read the advice others gave me as I feel it all applies to you) if you would like to compare. I don't think any of us could answer "why" it happened as we know as much as you do. But I can answer how I would respond to all of this. Again, take my advice with a grain of sand.

    I assume in this situation you don't want to just move on and never see her again. So I'm not going to say never see her again, even if that is the right thing to do. We both know it is, but at the end of the day you want things to work out with this lady, so giving up isn't an option at the current time.

    For whatever reason, she's losing her feelings for you. It could be a lack of excitement that you two used to have when you started dating. Or maybe she's starting to fall for someone else. It would make sense as he could likely be at the birthday party and that's why she didn't want you to go. How I would react to this: pull way back. Go a few days without any contact. Pretend like you guys were never a relationship and like you just are really good friends. If she reaches out to you to hang out, decline. Tell her you would love to but you cant because you already were going to _______.

    She'll start to miss you more and more when she's not seeing you. I'd wait 1-2 weeks without much contact then invite her to do something (very fun) with you. Maybe after some fun chit chat on the phone, bring up you have a groupon that's going to expire soon. Ask if she wants to come with. That'll show her you have a reason why you want to go out other than to relive what you guys had in he past (nobody likes to waste money!).

    If she agrees, I'd keep things friendly. Don't talk about your relationship at all. Be friends who have a blast together. When it comes down to it, a good relationship (something you used to have) is finding that girl you could spend all day with because she's that much fun, but you're getting some ass while you're doing it. At least that's what I see as a good relationship. If you are good friends when you hang out without any sex or making any moves, she'll start to miss you more than ever. She'll realize how awesome you really are. Don't get too upset if she's dating other guys or talks about them. Most likely she'll compare them to you in her head and realize how much better you are. You guys dated very seriously for 4 years. Thats a long time. Obviously she loved you a lot to be with you that long.

    After you guys meet up a couple times, I'd try to make a move. Make sure things go right and if everything's cool make a move and have sex with her. Most likely she'll be very confused about you two and will go for it. If you guys do have sex or at least do things that "just friends" wouldn't do, make sure you talk to her or hang out with her the next day. If you do, be exactly who you were with her. Just friends. She'll likely be wondering if it was a mistake to sleep with you, but when you're just as awesome as you always are to her, she'll see you as more than just a friend.

    Really all I feel you need is a little time. Like I said, make her miss you a bit. Be there for her if she really needs it and she'll come back to you. Still date other girls at the same time and make sure she finds out about it. Bring it up in a very passive way. Like if she asks what you're doing tell her you went to (insert date activity here). Don't bring up a girl but she'll make assumptions.

    Again, I'm not the best person to give you advice. But I feel like this is how I would react to the whole thing - and things usually work out for me in the end. Its not a sure thing, but its better than giving up cold turkey and living the next few months in regret. If she isn't responsive in the way you expect just slowly pull further and further away. She'll either get closer to you at this point or that will be the end of you two. Good luck my friend.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Out of nowhere: "Sorry, I think I don't love you anymore, bye bye".

    I agree with meteora, just move on.

    Personally I don't believe in "Getting Your Ex Back", people break up for a reason & they should stick to it. Invested relationships are not something you should give up then try again, work through it or not at all.

    That being said, I want to high light what you say about how she changed you... ie. hair cut & new jeans. Being too comfortable in a relationship is something that people are always afraid of, but that's not the issue. Changing who you are because your girlfriend wants to play dress up is the issue. Guys fall into this shit all the time & it only ends in her project being complete.... then they leave.
    I wish I was little bit taller
    I wish I was a baller
    I wish I had a girl who looked good
    I would call her - Skee Lo, the OG AFC

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