So I thought I'd do a timeline explaining my breakup from my first love. Wondering where I seem to have made mistakes?
March 2014 - August 2014: Incredibly intense relationship with quite an immature girl. She seems to trust me hugely, teling me all about her issues with her parent's divorce, bulimia, how she needs attention from guys etc. Also tells me she cheated on her ex after 2 years together. Says things like "I feel like I've met my soulmate; I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and "If I was to get pregnant, I might not have an abortion" etc.
August 2014: Both moved away to uni - possible cheating on her part after just 2 weeks. Had still been calling me soulmate etc. up until this point. Goes home with a guy on the very night I'm coming to visit, completely forgets. Then messages him in front of me for the whole evening I'm there. Totally confused following her apparent devotion.
August 2014: December 2014: Occasional contact initiated by her, short online conversations.
December 2014: I remove her from Facebook, she messages to say how much this has hurt her, how she misses me etc. I tell her that I am seeing someone else (to inspire jealousy) and suggest that we don't speak for a time. A few days later she phones me, claims not to have been seeing anyone (may be untrue) and says that she thinks she made the right decision because of time commitments at university.
Easter 2015: I have a bad car accident. She, concerned, asks to meet up and go for a walk. Unfortunately, I am still hurt by her behaviour so I act badly, perhaps a touch rude (in her words: "a bit of a twat").
Summer 2015: She suggests that we go for a late night drive, apparently so that she can apologise. She tells me that she has heard from a mutual friend that I had suggested she might have some kind of personality disorder (due to her sudden change in feelings one reaching university, and potential cheating). She says she understands why I might think this, apologises for seeming "heartless" and hopes I can forgive her. She says that she had never felt as strongly for anyone as she did for me, and calls my "charm" "pretty perfect". Because of this, I come on too strongly, perhaps, and call our relationship "kind of life-changing" and joke about moving to London. She says it feels like old times and makes a move on me, and we end up having sex.
Apparently, however, she has been on off seeing someone for the past 6 months (they were currently off) and had been to visit him the weekend earlier. He comes to visit a week after our having sex. For the days following this, she makes considerable efforts to message me, saying "for heaven's sake this is confusing", "I'm not sure what to feel/think", but also "I don't want to get back into a relationship with you, int the least harsh way" (I had not mentioned this, although maybe she got the impression I was still interested. Nevertheless, she continues to message me and we do so for the next few days. I am probably too full of praise for her during this messaging. The night after our late night drive, the online conversation turns sexual. I suggest meeting up (ostensibly for sex, since she has said she is not interested in a relationship), but she refuses, on the basis that it would be too complicated. She still continues to message me on occasion across the holiday. She describes the late night drive as "extreme nostalgia" (she had been reading her diaries from when we were together) and messaging stops after about 3 days.
November 2015: She is now in a relationship with this guy she was previously seeing. We talk and I apologise for the personality disorder suggestion, telling her this was a misunderstanding - am I making it too obvious I'm still into her? (talking about the relationship again...) She claims to not feel as strongly for the guy she is with as she did for me, and to not have found the same level of trust, although this may be a short term thing I suppose. I again maybe come on too strongly by telling her that she's an 'incredible person'.
Christmas 2015: She again messages me randomly during the evening, making a joke about me sitting in my window. When I respond to her message the next day, however, she is uninterested in talking.
Xmas eve 2015: We run into one another at the pub. She seems to be showing off whenever I am around, although I am not certain of this. I initiate a conversation and we chat briefly - seems fine, although perhaps a little bit of friction on occasion. Being drunk, I become more sociable, so chat to one or two of her friends, whom I do not really know - does this again show that I'm still into her?
And that about sums it up. Apologies for the long post, but I thought I ought to explain the situation in full. I am still HUGELY confused about why the relationship ended so suddenly, how she could go from "you're my soulmate" to spending a lot of time with another guy (as I know she was) so quickly.
I also worry that I have messed up opportunities since with the suggestion that I was seeing someone else, by saying we shouldn't speak and by not being enough of a challenge - praising her too much etc.
Does the fact that we had sex mean that she is still attracted to me, or was it just guilt/nostalgia? She descibed it as extreme nostalgia, saying it was good closure. Her new boyfriend is somewhat better looking than me, and I feel thoroughly inferior to him. They also share their university friendship group, have more in common and are both in London. I am hoping to move to London in the next year.
Would appreciate any thoughts on this. Cheers boys.