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  1. #1
    Fernando2826 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Have I messed up here??

    Evening all,

    So I thought I'd do a timeline explaining my breakup from my first love. Wondering where I seem to have made mistakes?

    March 2014 - August 2014: Incredibly intense relationship with quite an immature girl. She seems to trust me hugely, teling me all about her issues with her parent's divorce, bulimia, how she needs attention from guys etc. Also tells me she cheated on her ex after 2 years together. Says things like "I feel like I've met my soulmate; I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and "If I was to get pregnant, I might not have an abortion" etc.

    August 2014: Both moved away to uni - possible cheating on her part after just 2 weeks. Had still been calling me soulmate etc. up until this point. Goes home with a guy on the very night I'm coming to visit, completely forgets. Then messages him in front of me for the whole evening I'm there. Totally confused following her apparent devotion.

    August 2014: December 2014: Occasional contact initiated by her, short online conversations.

    December 2014: I remove her from Facebook, she messages to say how much this has hurt her, how she misses me etc. I tell her that I am seeing someone else (to inspire jealousy) and suggest that we don't speak for a time. A few days later she phones me, claims not to have been seeing anyone (may be untrue) and says that she thinks she made the right decision because of time commitments at university.

    Easter 2015: I have a bad car accident. She, concerned, asks to meet up and go for a walk. Unfortunately, I am still hurt by her behaviour so I act badly, perhaps a touch rude (in her words: "a bit of a twat").

    Summer 2015: She suggests that we go for a late night drive, apparently so that she can apologise. She tells me that she has heard from a mutual friend that I had suggested she might have some kind of personality disorder (due to her sudden change in feelings one reaching university, and potential cheating). She says she understands why I might think this, apologises for seeming "heartless" and hopes I can forgive her. She says that she had never felt as strongly for anyone as she did for me, and calls my "charm" "pretty perfect". Because of this, I come on too strongly, perhaps, and call our relationship "kind of life-changing" and joke about moving to London. She says it feels like old times and makes a move on me, and we end up having sex.

    Apparently, however, she has been on off seeing someone for the past 6 months (they were currently off) and had been to visit him the weekend earlier. He comes to visit a week after our having sex. For the days following this, she makes considerable efforts to message me, saying "for heaven's sake this is confusing", "I'm not sure what to feel/think", but also "I don't want to get back into a relationship with you, int the least harsh way" (I had not mentioned this, although maybe she got the impression I was still interested. Nevertheless, she continues to message me and we do so for the next few days. I am probably too full of praise for her during this messaging. The night after our late night drive, the online conversation turns sexual. I suggest meeting up (ostensibly for sex, since she has said she is not interested in a relationship), but she refuses, on the basis that it would be too complicated. She still continues to message me on occasion across the holiday. She describes the late night drive as "extreme nostalgia" (she had been reading her diaries from when we were together) and messaging stops after about 3 days.

    November 2015: She is now in a relationship with this guy she was previously seeing. We talk and I apologise for the personality disorder suggestion, telling her this was a misunderstanding - am I making it too obvious I'm still into her? (talking about the relationship again...) She claims to not feel as strongly for the guy she is with as she did for me, and to not have found the same level of trust, although this may be a short term thing I suppose. I again maybe come on too strongly by telling her that she's an 'incredible person'.

    Christmas 2015: She again messages me randomly during the evening, making a joke about me sitting in my window. When I respond to her message the next day, however, she is uninterested in talking.

    Xmas eve 2015: We run into one another at the pub. She seems to be showing off whenever I am around, although I am not certain of this. I initiate a conversation and we chat briefly - seems fine, although perhaps a little bit of friction on occasion. Being drunk, I become more sociable, so chat to one or two of her friends, whom I do not really know - does this again show that I'm still into her?

    And that about sums it up. Apologies for the long post, but I thought I ought to explain the situation in full. I am still HUGELY confused about why the relationship ended so suddenly, how she could go from "you're my soulmate" to spending a lot of time with another guy (as I know she was) so quickly.

    I also worry that I have messed up opportunities since with the suggestion that I was seeing someone else, by saying we shouldn't speak and by not being enough of a challenge - praising her too much etc.

    Does the fact that we had sex mean that she is still attracted to me, or was it just guilt/nostalgia? She descibed it as extreme nostalgia, saying it was good closure. Her new boyfriend is somewhat better looking than me, and I feel thoroughly inferior to him. They also share their university friendship group, have more in common and are both in London. I am hoping to move to London in the next year.

    Would appreciate any thoughts on this. Cheers boys.

  2. #2
    lifestylebible's Avatar
    lifestylebible is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor Achievements:
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    Default Re: Have I messed up here??

    Oh Brother, where art thou's intuition? (jk I know where you're coming from, I've made much worse decisions with girls trust me)

    I can tell you this, I was looking for a mistake that may have been possible in this huge post... and found two right away. You got into an exclusive relationship with a girl who previously cheated, and talked to you about it. Not to say that people can't be forgiven and trusted even if they made mistakes in the past... but you can't forgive just because. You have to put her through a little trial run, or the "talking" phase as we like to call it in the millennial generation. A sort of pseudo relationship where you learn more about her, almost like moving in together before you marry to see how it would potentially work out.

    Now your second mistake is to KEEP TALKING TO HER. I am sorry, but it appears you are emotionally invested in this girl, and your brain is not letting you let it go... normally I'd say scrap it up and keep the change, and keep fucking her but don't date her... but dude, you keep giving her chances. Some people don't change man. Get the fuck out of this, go talk to other girls, and live your life the way a man should.. with abundance of girlfriends bro, growing, not dating anybody. You're cashing in your prize way before the jackpot.

    Start doing some daygame man! Get out there. You'll soon realize it's as if you are a monkey at a banana buffet. It's fucking great. You'll wonder why you ever stuck with her in a few months

    I hope this gave you a "swift kick in the ass son" as my father would say (while he actually kicked me in the ass lol). Sometimes us men need that.


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