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  1. #11
    MAATHEWW is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Alright, so far I am understanding everything you are saying. I tend to use online dating, because apart from that I don't do much of socializing, long story short is that most of my friends overtime betrayed my trust and are no longer friends.

    So what would be the best way to follow through and deliver?

  2. #12
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Ask yourself if your body language when you're speaking to someone (either man or woman) appear to be of a calm and confident guy, or a nervous one.

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  4. #13
    MAATHEWW is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    I would assume a nervous one. But what subtle changes could I make, that would help achieve becoming more confident in myself and how I present it to other people?

  5. #14
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Practice. Fix your posture, stand up straight, pull your shoulder blades closer together, project your chest, straighten your neck, and slightly tuck your chin.
    Look at yourself in the mirror, look at your own eyes, then start looking at people in the eyes when you talk to them. Practice putting your arms on your hips, it'll feel strange at first but make a conscious effort and in time it'll stick.
    Fake it till you make it.

  6. #15
    MAATHEWW is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Thanks for the input Hands, I'll definitely make a conscious effort to do that. I usually when speaking to others look directly into their eyes so that I got down pat already haha.

    Any and all input will help grandly and will be appreciated immensely, I want these changes to better my situation and furthermore future situations.

    Okay, beyond all of this what would be the appropriate response or gesture if my ex messages or calls me?

  7. #16
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    First you need to think of her as any other girl. You need to de-prioritize her, she is just another girl. This can be extremely difficult, but it can be done. Talk to as many women as you can, men as well, get a feeling for this neutral communication, then apply that feeling and those behaviors to your ex when you talk to, or communicate with her. I'm giving you baby steps, I really don't know where you are in your social development, so stop me if I'm not helping.

    By treating her as a neutral you're attempting to reset the scales, where before when you were buying her stuff, and paying for everything you were pushing too much, giving here too much value and not pulling at all, not demonstrating your own value, outside of being a money machine and letting her come to you. The pull is about making her want to to do these same things, or in your two day report LETTING her do some of those things. The feeling I get is you're trying to demonstrate your value by buying her things, and putting her in a high priority, but she really wants some one that will level with her, and let her demonstrate her values in a relationship. Give her some room, pay for things you want to do, but not things that she wants to do, LET her come up with a way to do them herself. Separate money and women. And if all this results in her walking away from you, then let her. The more you chase, the more you devalue yourself, and making yourself into that boy toy you dread being. You have to respect yourself before you can expect that respect from women, or men respectively. RESPECT!

  8. #17
    MAATHEWW is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Thanks Hands, I understood everything you said. That is my priority, I was just unaware that there was A way to resetting the scales after they had been set, which is very helpful to know. It's been a few days since we last spoke, but I can visualize that I am already beginning to de-prioritize her also, the obsessive compulsive behavior is fading, haha.

    I am definitely considered the money machine in this scenario due to the fact that she doesn't have A job, but I am sure she can come up with her own way of gaining A bit of coin, which would enable her to level with me if we were too hang out because, surely enough is enough. I don't want to be considered some chump she can sponge from, just for secure reasons.

    Also, I am sure she will ring within the next two days because she wants/wanted to see me on Saturday and Sunday. But I feel, I am mostly going to turn her down and say "Look, I wasn't sure if this was a sure thing you didn't bother to let me know earlier. So I made other plans for the weekend." She won't like it of course, but she will have to deal with it, I don't want to come across clingy or needy like I have been waiting for her call all week, because realistically I haven't. So by doing that, it's enforcing that her actions have consequences now where as before they didn't, and that I no longer value her so highly that I would drop anything for her. Let me know if I'm wrong.

    Keep the train rolling, I am learning a lot from this and my god it feels good.

  9. #18
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Make back up plans, in case she doesn't get back to you, but if she genuinely wants to see you during the weekend, and you're not paying for anything, or going out of your way, then take her up on it. Its a chance to put into practice what you're learning. If you're still not very confident about controlling yourself around her, then bail. The point isn't to just shut her out and chase her away, the point is to create a back and forth interaction. Treat it as any other date, neg her here or there and see how she responds, if shes not responsive, then sit back and give it a little more time and space, try again a little later. If she likes it then escalate to Kino, and etc. If she is cold, or only friendly then cut out early, and follow up with your back up plan. Act like you're not getting laid that night, and keep your cool.

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  11. #19
    MAATHEWW is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    Okay, by definition is the fact that she lives an hour away considered as out of my way? Which would pose as A problem because like I said earlier, she has no money for transport. I could easily, get her to pay for her own things but how do I let her know that she has to pay for herself? I don't want to have to tell after we're out that she has to get her own food, then her not eat at all, because to me that seems like an asshole move.

    Okay, so I think I understand where you are getting with this, so really, I just have to be firm and stick to what I want to do instead of her taking control of everything, but also raise being playful when around her.

  12. #20
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I Lost Her, But Want Her Back

    My bad man, I missed that logistic. Make other plans, and don't contact her unless she contacts you first. If you have to put in that much effort to just see her it'll never work, because it all hinges on your ability to just walk away, demonstrating where she is in your life. Everything in my last post was intended for a different situation, one where it didn't depend wholly on you to make the hang out happen. Just keep that stuff in mind for the next girl. Don't over invest, match the girl's investment but don't be too nice. In this case you're already too nice by driving an hour just to see her, every other nice act you commit from there will only work against your favor. If she finds her way to you, just tell her before hand that you won't be able to pay for her, and if she doesn't have the money for anything then you come up with something that doesn't cost money, like going for a walk, or just hanging out, and don't suggest it, command it.
    I don't want to get too much into specifics, because I can't anticipate everything, I'm trying to give you a new frame/philosophy to operate under. What it comes down to is there always has to be an exchange, you can't just give, and not receive. And you need to have the discipline to enforce it. Good luck man.


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