This gonna be quite a complicated and quite a long story but hear me out ok?
So I was in a relationship with this girl that I really liked. I have this special case of one-itis but please don't judge. We get on well and have the same sense of humor and I can just be myself around her. We're both in college but I have to say that this girl is seriously the girl I really want, as of the moment at least. She's sweet, cute, honest and just a great person.
One day, she asks me to meetup with her. It seemed kind of urgent so I did. We went on a honeymoon trip somewhere in the country and we both really enjoyed it but three days later she told me it wasn't working and that we were just too different (which I didn't believe). She mentioned something about my jealousy to which I admit I was being the typical AFC I was as I kept asking her bout her past although I did mean it when I said I never cared about her past. She also mentioned that it seemed that WE weren't happy even though I was but i didn't know about her.
The breakup was brief and was out of the blue and it hurt me a lot but she did hint maybe wanting to stay friends in the future but I told her i don't know. She cut me off as she was rushing into the lecture and I stood there dumbfounded and confused and my heart sank. On the same day, she went to a theme park and she posted a snapchat story of her and her girl friend having a good time which even hurt me more cos she looked really happy.
DAY 2 NC
I suddenly initiate no contact. For the first three days I still had her on snapchat and facebook. A day after the breakup I go to a house party and post a snapchat story of me having a good time trying to dhv showing that I didn't give a shit. I noticed that she viewed it which I hoped she did.
DAY 3 NC
Me and my friends decide to go on a night out clubbing. Although I was still badly hurt I still had fun in the club. One of my best mates invites me over to a house party back at his and we end up going. I go to this house party and stayed for a while. Out of nowhere my she shows up (we have mutual friends but none of which are close). I really didnt like the idea of her being there because for all I know he could be making out with another guy and I wouldn't been able to take that especially after a break-up so I leave the party. I noticed that she kept looking at me before I left and she looked as if she felt bad.
DAY 4 NC
I go to college the next morning. She sends me a snapchat message to which I ignore asking me if I left the party because of her. Six hours later, upon finding out that I didn't reply she sends me a long message saying that she was wondering if I left because of her and that she didn't want me leaving that house party on her account and she wanted to be civil because she hated the thought of me hating her. Once again I ignore this message. Even though i was still upset, I went to the local college bar/nightclub and I put up a snapchat story of myself enjoying myself once again DHVing. I noticed that she has viewed it too.
DAY 5 NC
Her friend's boyfriend was having a birthday party out of town in his local hometown and I was actually invited to it but decided not to go. She goes up and posts multiple snapchat stories of her enjoying herself during the party. It felt as if she was taking a dig at me. It made me even paranoid because for all I know she could be sleeping with someone else. I saw her friend's story as well and at 4am, her friend was lying down in bed with her bf, sister but not my ex. It made me think that she went off with another guy so upon seeing that... I block my ex both on facebook and snapchat.
WEEK 3 NC
I have bumped into my ex multiple times, once during college and I was with my friends enjoying myself smiling and she saw that. She had a frown on her face too. Second, there was this college event where all college students went to. She saw me four times even though I saw her only once but when she did see me, she saw girls flirting with me. Another DHV trick.
The real shit happens when it was nearing the end of the week, her birthday.
SHIT's GOING DOWN..
I go to the local college pub/nightclub on a Friday. It's also her birthday although in all honesty I 100% didn't know she was going to celebrate it there. Tried to avoid her as much as possible though, she saw me enjoying the night with my friends. But there were times were it felt as if she purposely tried dancing close to me.
But then suddenly, she ends up making out with a guy.. BAM!!
Didn't bother me too much cause for the past three weeks, in my head, she had already been with other guys and I have gotten over that but I was annoyed and angry that she did it in front of me!
I was speaking to my friend near the bathroom..then suddenly she approaches me and my friend:
"Hey..Happy Birthday" <with a firm look on my face, not smiling>
"Can we talk"
"Please, can we just talk.."
"You already said what you needed to say.."
I walk off and i noticed she stormed into the bathroom crying..
At the end of the night she comes out and stays despite the bouncers trying to kick everyone out of the venue. People usually stay after the music ends for a while. I notice she was still crying and speaking to her friends. I flirt with girls as she does this..
Her bestfriend comes over and tries to reason with me for two hours beggine me to speak to her.
Her bestfriend says that he has never been with a guy even during her boyfriends party out of town.. in fact she slept on a couch isolating herself from everyone because she still wasn't feeling right about me. Her friend points out that the guy he made out with on the dancefloor was the first guy she has every touched because it was her birthday, she was drunk, her friends pressured her into it and that my ex thought I hated her..
My ex, I noticed from afar talks to my bestfriend too in attempts to speak to me.
After two hours of me not wanting to speak to her.. I figured the four of us were the only ones left in the club. The rest of her other friends have left the venue so I speak to her.
TO SUMMARISE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED:
- She cried speaking to me, saying she wasn't over me at all.
- She grabs my hand and holds it tight.
- She said the jealousy was an issue.
- She misses me, and not the idea of me.
- She still likes me.
- In one of the college events she saw me in, she admitted getting jealous when girls were flirting with me
- She felt we weren't happy during the honeymoon date because of conversational tension between us and that she felt we would have enjoyed it more as friends.
- She wants to take it slow.
- I treated her nice and she loves that.
After an hour of crying and expressing feels. To sum it up I end up sleeping with her at night.
THE MORNING AFTER WE SLEPT TOGETHER
She claims that:
- We moved too fast and thought it was a bad idea
- She doesn't know what we are.
- She claims she still cares about me and likes me.
Although we left each other that day being civil. And we did kiss, she was very unsure about the kiss as she said "I'm still not sure what we are".
3 DAY NO CONTACT
The next three days were awkward. I did not contact her although I did add her on facebook back and unblocked her.
I figured there was still a lot of things we had to discuss so I spoke to her and met up with her.
I spoke first and apologized for my jealousy isssues and asking too much about her private life. Pretty much me owning up to my mistakes. I then told her I'm willing to change for the best and willing to give it another go. I probably shouldn't have done this as it made me quite beta.
- She didn't wanna hop back into a relationship.
- She was afraid of the future, staying in something and commiting to something that may not be there. She infact mentioned her ex as an example, although he didn't treat her right she held onto him for quite a while which she shouldn't have done because there was actually nothing there.
- It wasn't me, it was her.
- She still cares about me.
- The weeks when i went no contact, she prolly felt the feeling of "Wanting something you can't have" with me.
- Not sure about being exclusive.
- She didn't like labels.
She hinted being casual to which I agreed we should so we established a FWB situation. I figured no point in forcing someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship to be in one so may as well benefit from it.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS:
- We tell each other whom we made out with.
- Not to do it in front of each other.
- I can sleep with anyone I want (although she kinda was weird about it at the start)
- She says we can try again after our exams but don't have expectations to which i agreed.
- When I ask her if there's a chance of us going back, she didn't say no, she said we'll go with the flow.
- If I find someone, she's not cutting me out of her life.
- Same first two as hers.
- If she sleeps with anyone else, I'm cutting her out of my life completely (she seemed shocked about this though)
So yeah, the next two weeks we were having the best sex ever. I made sure I pleased her in bed. She even said that she has never felt this sex before with any other guy. We chat, have sex, and even get food and all that and she even makes efforts with me.
At the moment I AM NOT HAVING EXPECTATIONS of getting back together. Although I would really appreciate getting back together with her. The thing is:
- I can handle her making out with other guys but if she sleeps or dates em I can't
- She is busy for the exams week so she won't be able to meet other guys apart from me.
My questions are:
- How do I make her want me and see me more than just a fuckbuddy and get back with me?
- How do I make her want to be exclusive with me?