This is not the usual ex-girlfriend-post or maybe it is:
- 1.5 years ago I met my ex. It was the wildest thing, we were together every day for three months. Had so much fun, fecked all the time, met each others family/friends etc. Then I start having commitment issues, like I use to get in all relationships. When that starts to occur, its like, theres is nothing to do, so 3 weeks after, I left. I know it sounds silly.
- She broke down (I found out later), she was really in love with me. 2 months after, in the meantime we hadnt spoke a single word, we are meeting randomly at the street and the same day, we are kissing and making out
again. She really wants me, telling me reallt often, how much she wants me and thats I know need to take the step further. I was afraid to take the next step (knowing that it went bad the first time). This went on for 4 months, I was hesitant to introduce her to my family/friends, but met some of hers. One day she said: Why am I not going with you to your friends. I said, because we are not boyfriend/girlfriend. She broke down because, she taught we where and she was crazy in love with me. It sat the relationship on break for 3 months.
- The january 2016 we met again and start seeing each other again. At that time I started with a psych, to talk about life issues (the girls doesnt now). It was clear to the psych that I had commitment issues and fear of being in something not 100% perfect. I still didnt told the girl about this, but I was thinking a lot about it.
- So we were seeing again following the usual pattern. She wanted me, but I was still holding back. Often she was saying: "We have to move all in or we cant do this", but there wasnt any conseqences, when I didnt. But at some point we were seeing each other a bit less (like once a week), but still very passionate, when we did.
- 2 months ago she told me, that she found a new guy and if I wanted 100% (relationship), I had to go now, so she could tell the new guy, that it wouldnt work with him. I hesitated again and we still met and did all things.
- 3 weeks ago. We had a date, but she cancelled it the very same day telling me, that she needed time to think, whats was right to her. First I said, cool ok, but then I began to think (with the conversations with my psych in mind) and start to realizing, that she was the best girl and I was a fool not taking the final step.
- I texted (bad, I know, should have went to her door) telling her the things, I could see and how I would change, and it should be her and I. She answerred she was really happy about me wanting to change, but she had been hurt so many times with me and she wasnt sure, I really wanted to change these things now, so she needed more time.
- The I did all the needy stupid things. Texting her a lot about it and even wrote a letter. It wasnt like 1000 messages or anything, but basically it was 5-8 and her answering, that she was happy I wanted to change, but she wasnt sure, she could thrust it.
- One week ago she answerred, that she was with the new guy (the guy that she earlier wanted to leave for me), so "for now it was a bit to late to some degree". Boom. I said I was sad about it and if she wanted meet for coffee. Tried calling her.
- Then she texted me, that she wanted "her and I" out of her life and not contact her again, since it made too much noise in her new relationship. I respected that and deleted her on every platform (fb, text, insta etc.).
- Now one week after, Im feeling really sad. Sad that I didnt took up to her door in the first place and telling her the things. I chose the easy route with the text messages (she even told me several times in the days we were together, that she thinks texts was the easy way and I should man up sometimes and stand in front of her door with flowers saying I want her.
- Right now I have no contact with her for a week and I wont get it, since I deleted her on all platforms. And we now live a bit apart, so we will definately not meet ever.
- I really want her. Should I wait two weeks, then go to her, telling her that I want her (letting her see, I mean it)? Its like my only choice, since we are not in contact and before she moves further on with the new and forgets about me. Im 100% sure that if she could believe what I said (she would chose me). But Ive been and asshole eho couldnt commit a numberous of times.
Im really confident and a good "performer", so its not like I would go and be an excuse for myself.
- Hit me