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  1. #1
    Danger is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Extra Stubborn Ex

    Hey all,

    So my ex and I have been broken up for a month or two, we dated 3 years. It didn't really end well. We were a couple who never fought so both of us took it hard. I was long distance for a time period for work and she thinks I did not make enough effort then.

    Anyway she is an extremely stubborn girl and currently is ignoring any communication despite the obvious fact that she isn't over it at all (posting breakup memes on social media all day, yada yada). I'd like to connect with her, but how to a work around that stubbornness and get a reply? Do I just go NC and become scarce?

    Before you tell me to find other girls, I am. I just want this one too.

    -Danger

  2. #2
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    Hi Danger

    I've had long distance girlfriends too (as well as stubborn ones) and it just doesn't work, as they seem incapable of appreciating the time and effort required to go and see them.

    In my case I've found its not worth the effort, so if She lives more that a few miles away then I'm not interested however hot She is, unless She is willing to come and see me sometimes.

    As for Stubborn Girlfriends please don't get me started, as they are the worst ones of all.

    I used to know this older woman, who I really liked 'we got on great' She was only a 6 and I'd known her for years and in all that time I never screwed her, because She very simply wasn't hot enough for a Chauvanist Pig like me Lol.

    But looking on the plus side, She did have a great personality, which went on to make the the ideal dinner companion and even better we always used to split the Bill between us, which meant that we could go to some very nice Restaurants.

    Then one day I upset her, by giving her best friend a lift and She never forgave me!

    All the going out together stopped and She wouldn't even speak to me, as She had 'Queen Bee' Syndrome and mistakenly thought that She could not be replaced.

    Even though I appolologised (though I don't really know for what) She kept this Stupid Stubborness up for TWO YEARS!

    Although that didn't stop me for dating other girls.

    And so I took some photo's of places that we used to go but with other girls in the pictures instead of her.

    As well as pictures of other Girls enjoying a great day out in her favourite Car that I own.

    Then when I showed them too her, as part of a conversation we were having, She just broke down and cried her friggin eyes out 'serves her rights!'

    That was the moment it dawned on her, that She was not as irreplacable as She thought (What took her so long!)

    At which point She went all girly and appologised to me.

    Now we are back on very good terms and She's the one I go on dinner dates with and now acts as my 'Wing Woman' when I chat up other girls.

    I'm not suggesting you do the same but you might consider appologising (even though you've done nothing wrong in my book) as simply a ploy to give you 'The Moral High Ground'

    She cannot expect you to do any more than that, especially if you write her a note and send her a dozen Red Roses.

    Now while I know that some may look at this as some sort of Climb down, that you should not entertain and may even advise you to forget about her.

    If you really want her back, sometimes you have to do this kind of Shit, as it doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you get what you want.

    Then after you've sent the note with the Roses, cease all contact with her until She contacts you, as I'm sure that She will (eventually!)

    At least She will know that you've tried and can't do anymore (So you've really put the Ball in her Court)

    Then when you get back together, as I'm sure you eventually will.

    Wipe the slate clean, talk it over and establish some reasonable rules for long distance dating, ie She must be accepting that She must also make an effort to come and see you.

    If She isn't Cool with that, then move on and forget her, or you will only make your life a misery.
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least

  3. #3
    Danger is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    Great reply, very relevant and insightful. I was mostly expecting some "quit being beta!" type answers.

    Yea my job has moved me back as of a couple weeks ago so we're both in Boston again. Which makes it more ridiculous that she ignores the situation. While at the same time making like social media posts not mentioning me specifically but totally referring to me as some sort of asshole type bf. Ehhh immaturity was always her least attractive trait. Yea I apologized before, though I shouldn't have really. The situation was complicated but I was definitely putting in effort considering the circumstance. Balls in her court. In the mean time like you said, I'll get some photos of me out with ladies. I know her, and she'll lose it.

  4. #4
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    Hi Danger

    Be careful with that one (The Photos!) as that is the Nuclear option, which might blow things for all time.

    It all depends how much you want her back but do whatever you have to, in order that you are able to stabilise the situation and get her talking again.

    Assholes don't send love notes or Red Roses but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, in order to get the result that you are after, which is a situation where you are back on speaking terms once more.

    But let this be the last time you back down, or She will get the impression that you are a push over, everytime She goes and throws the toys out of the pram.

    All you are really doing is Engineering a Situation, where 'YOU' are able to give her one more chance and if She doesn't take that as an opportunity, then its probably time to look elsewhere.

    As stubborn people seldom change and can be a real PIA.
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least

  5. #5
    flyguyinMN is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    Danger,

    Follow Cody's guide below (A true Master PUA)

    How To Get Your Ex Back By Cody

  6. #6
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    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    Just say "You're right! I didn't make much effort, you deserved more from me"

    Watch her open up. If you have pride, they will too and be stubborn. If you take all the blame even though it isn't all you, they will admit to there wrong doings. Then you can have a more deep conversation.

    It's quite funny to watch actually, vulnerability attracts vulnerability.

  7. #7
    Danger is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    I gave it a go Tyrone. Though I'm not expecting to hear anything back. You have no idea who I'm dealing with, major PIA.

    Anyway that's the last I got to say to her. She can respond, not respond. I don't like tossing away someone I've known for 7 years, but I don't play someone else game.

  8. #8
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Extra Stubborn Ex

    In my experience, going back to an ex is the worst possible thing a person can do.
    No matter how close you felt, or how long you were together, exes are exes for a reason.

    "Winning my ex back" was how I stumbled into game. But once my eyes were opened, and had the chance to get her back, I knew I didn't really want her.

    The only reason I did originally, was because of "familiarity".
    But I knew shit would blow up again, even if things started out on at first.

    I wouldn't be truly happy, and all that past damage had been done...

    When I realized I had the ability to CHOOSE my path in life, and the partner to share it with, I knew that I never had to worry about being alone... which was also a part of why I THOUGHT I wanted my ex back.

    There are literally BILLIONS of people in the world... exes can (and will) be replaced by someone much better as you grow & become the best version of you that you can be.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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