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  1. #1
    scrapp is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Long relationship break-up

    Hey, first post on the forum. I'll try to keep this as short as possible.


    I met my ex late 2009 and we were really young at the time (I was 17 and she was 16). We started flirting which led to hanging out, making out and then we moved on to a relationship. It was my first serious relationship and I was a little bit afraid of serious commitment and wasn't sure if I loved her enough to be in a serious relationship with her, but I let things run its course.

    At first everything went smooth, we had sex after 6 months or so (we both weren't virgins at the time but I'd say it was our first serious sex experience), but after 1~2 years, although I cared for her and lover her I still couldn't completely commit to her and started picturing myself with other girls. Time went by and occasionally we had discussions about our relationship which where mostly motivated by her noticing I was starting to become absent (it happened because I would think if she was the one and if I loved her enough to justify the time we had been already together which made me look distant when we were together). I never really was a romantic boyfriend (or at least not as much as she wanted me to be) and we did pretty standard bf and gf things.

    Last year we had a great summer and things were going really well, on September I took her out to dinner for her birthday and it was the last time we were together, then we started college and faced a complete month of absolutely not seeing each other and very little contact (not because of distance). On October she sent me a nice sweet text for my birthday in which she told she would call the next day, but I was stupidly cold with her which upset her and she didn't call. After a couple days she texted me telling me things were different and that she grew apart during the last month (on purpose) and I didn't reach out to her, so another couple days later (mid October) I went to pick her up at the train station, to take her home from college, and to talk about what was going on and was that night that she broke up. I understood perfectly the reasons why she was doing so. She always looked up to me as her man and was nuts about me (I know that for sure) but we were already together for 6 years and she needed more from me, which I didn't deliver, because I was never able to lower this defenses I raised and this doubts I had and I just couldn't stop overthinking and over complicating stuff. I felt an immense frustration knowing that I'd had been so stupid for not realizing how much I loved her and for not really giving us a chance and because of that I couldn't keep it cool and cried in the car in front of her. Let me say that I never cheated on her and always treated her right, listened to her and despite all I always felt like we had a really strong connection, but in the end she was tired of waiting for me to step up and commit 100% and being the one to always have to reach out for the other. Also I always was the dominant one on the relationship as she was more of a follower.

    I never thought it'd be that hard and the following days I felt this urge to contact her and make things out but decided not to because I didn't want to make a mistake by acting hot head, so I needed too cool off and meditate a bit on the subject. As days went by I started to feel more comfortable about the break up and we had NC until Christmas on which she texted me wishing a merry Christmas and telling she didn't text me because I didn't as well, to which I politely replied (I was gonna send a text regardless she just happened to send it first). Then on new years eve I texted her wishing a good year and she replied with the typical new years message. Then we had NC until late January. I had an health problem and had to be hospitalized for 3 full weeks. Because I was so confused about what was happening I didn't tell her right away. When I did she texted back worried about me and told she couldn't come see me until February because of college. When I got out of the hospital I warned her and suggested we go out for coffee one day and she agreed. After like a week she texted me telling me we could have coffee that day to which I replied I couldn't because I had already started going to college (was finishing my Masters thesis at the moment) and told her that from that point on I was only available at weekends but she didn't text back and we ended up not meeting for coffee. Then time went by and on early May I started to think a lot about her and getting back but like the time we broke up I waited to see if that was only a momentary thing or if it would last, and it did. So on early June I texted her just with the regular 'Hey, hope everything is going well. I know you must be really busy at the moment with college but we should have coffee one of these days' but she didn't text back. 2 weeks later I texted her again because I was doing an important presentation at college which, the night we broke up, she told me she wanted to attend to. I knew she wasn't going, but at least I wanted to let her know when it was. She texted me the night before the presentation wishing me good luck and telling me she hopes I'm doing good.

    I don't know why she didn't reply to the first message but I can guess it either was because she still doesn't feel comfortable with being with me as friends or she is with someone else. I strongly suspect it is the latter, although it might be a rebound. I'm determined to get her back because I know I blew things up by not being the man that she needed me to be and this time apart was really good for clearing my head and work on things that I needed to, however I'm not sure how to act from here.

    Sorry for long post and for any grammar mistake. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    alphabeta is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Long relationship break-up

    Hi Scrapp

    This is a Sad situation and I know how you feel, because almost the exact same thing happened to me at the age you met your girl.

    I sold a little Sailing dingy to this guy who invited me to a Party, I nearly didn't go as it was Snowing and the roads were bad.

    But in the event I went along and did so on my own, because of course at the time he only invited me.

    When I arrived at the Party I felt well out of it, because he was the only Person I knew and guys and gals were making out in every room in his house.

    Then I saw a group of four girls and asked the 'least hot one' to have a dance.

    I must have looked very desparate, as She turned me down.

    Then I asked the next one and She also said no but then after asking the Third one who also turned me down I'd had enough.

    But just as I was about to turn around and Walk away, the Forth one who was really Hot (and the one I didn't dare ask) called me out in front of her friends and said 'don't go, you haven't asked me yet'

    The attraction between us was instant and in seconds we were snogging each others face off and then continued to do so, for the next Two Hours! where we became a permanent fixture, as we lay horizontal on this Party guy's Settee.

    After which I drove her home in my very first Car and as we arrived outside her bedsit, the Snow was gently falling and glowing in the tungstan light of the Street lamps.

    She invited me in for a Coffee and then asked me to stay the night, where we both lost our virginity, in the warmth of her big double bed.

    It was absolutely perfect and even to this day, has to go down as being the most romantic time of my whole life.

    And then I went and lost her, exactly for the same reasons you did, because I wasn't ready to commit in the way that She wanted.

    A massive mistake on my part which I still regret to this day, as although I've had many girlfriends since, I know She was 'The One' but my pride just kept preventing me from going after her.

    So forget about all the Pick up routines, being Alpha, holding your Frame and all that sort of Stuff.

    If you know She is 'The One' then swallow any pride you have and just turn up right out of the blue and talk to her face to face and then tell her exactly how you feel.

    I would almost take a bet that regardless of who She 'MAY' be seeing, you can get back together, as relationships that start at that age are almost impossible to break, assuming you had something really worthwhile going in the first place.

    Don't lose the 'Love of your Life' like I went and did.
    The Power in a Relationship always goes to the one who cares the least

  3. #3
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Long relationship break-up

    You are both way to busy to commit. Just let it go, be polite and when you have both finished college and the dust is settled. If she hasn't asked for that coffee, take her to dinner.

    For now: College.... Plenty of vagina.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  4. #4
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    wildstorms is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Long relationship break-up

    These things are soft and fragile, as a man being the dominant one and having everything we tend to take things, especially people for granted sometimes, we don't realize what we've lost till its gone. It ruins relationships for me too.

    Challenges are great teachers that help us grow, as a man this emotion thing is not always helpful, but it keeps us alive and feeling every beat of life.

    If you are still talking to her and able to get in contact, stay cool and don't break down in front of her and don't ever say sorry. Don't tell her how you're going to be the man she needed, BE the man you know she wants when she lets you show her. We just need that familiarity - that security of someone being there for us on a day we may be sick at home.

    The routines and Pua terminologies are all great for getting the girl, You are the one responsible for keeping her. Stay cool. Grow to be a better person with what life throws your way.

  5. #5
    scrapp is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Long relationship break-up

    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrone1991 View Post
    You are both way to busy to commit. Just let it go, be polite and when you have both finished college and the dust is settled. If she hasn't asked for that coffee, take her to dinner.

    For now: College.... Plenty of vagina.
    I've just recently finished my masters and graduated, so no more college for me. She must be going through finals right now, so yeah...I guess she must be super busy until, at least, mid July. But how should I approach? Specially if she really is with that other guy. Text her again? And when?

    Quote Originally Posted by wildstorms View Post
    These things are soft and fragile, as a man being the dominant one and having everything we tend to take things, especially people for granted sometimes, we don't realize what we've lost till its gone. It ruins relationships for me too.

    Challenges are great teachers that help us grow, as a man this emotion thing is not always helpful, but it keeps us alive and feeling every beat of life.

    If you are still talking to her and able to get in contact, stay cool and don't break down in front of her and don't ever say sorry. Don't tell her how you're going to be the man she needed, BE the man you know she wants when she lets you show her. We just need that familiarity - that security of someone being there for us on a day we may be sick at home.

    The routines and Pua terminologies are all great for getting the girl, You are the one responsible for keeping her. Stay cool. Grow to be a better person with what life throws your way.
    That is totally true...and I admit I took her for granted most of the times.


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