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  1. #1
    kadak8 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Facebook password and dark secrets...

    Hi! I need advice about my ex. Like if I wanted to get her back how should I do that. I'm 25 my ex is 22.

    The short story is that we spent 4 years together. During those 4 years I read lots of PUA material and I was wondering if I could do better. The funny thing is that I was never a 100% committed in this relationship, except for now when she dumped me. Now I even feel like I wanna marry her! Total mind-fark.

    She was so into me and totally in love for about 3 years. But than last summer she went abroad to Holland for 6 months to study. We spoke on skype every single day. She used to mention having kids together but I always wanted to wait with that. In November she asked me on skype if I wanted to move together with her once she comes back in December, I hesitated and told her to wait a bit. Than in December she did come back home and I decided to give her a test: I didn't initiate having sex and I wanted to see how long it takes for her to want me. It took her 3 days when we were both drunk.

    Than after Christmas she said she needed some time alone because I was so cold with her and she wasn't sure about this relationship. She even told me that I could have sex with anyone during this temporary period! I said ok. (it later turned out that she wanted to end this relationship forever but she didn't say, I thought it was only a break for a few weeks).

    So than I gave her a total feeze-out for about 3 weeks and than I finally asked her to meet me. We had dinner at a restaurant and than went back to her place, but she didn't let me fark her. Strange. I told her that I picked up and farked 1 girl but she didn't seem to care she said that she was kissing with one guy in a club... BTW she figured out that I wanted to get back together with her even tho I was gonna cover it. I still thought that is was only a temporary break and I might have a chance. Than I didn't contact her for another month again... but now I asked her to spent the weekend together to see if we still wanna be together and how we felt for each other. I picked her up on Friday night from a bar and went to her place to sleep. She was drunk so we had sex 3 times during that night till the morning. Than once more later that morning, she came like 2-3 times. Than she sobered out and no more cuddling. I told her that I still love her and we might had a chance if we both worked on this relationship. She said that she didn't feel like working on it and wanted to be alone. But let's just be friends she said. She also said that she regreted having sex with me and it will never happen again! Also she wants to move to England at the end of this year. I left on Saturday night, we didn't spend the whole weekend together as planned. This happened just yesterday.

    Additional info: I got her fb and email password now so I just logged into her email and facebook account so I partly know what she did and thinks. Here is what I know from her messages: From October-December she was meeting other guys while being abroad. She probably slept with 1. Than she asked for a " temporary break" on Christmas. In January she met a guy and asked him if they could be fark buddies but I don't know weather or not they are actually doing it. In an email she wrote to her best friend that she knows that I wanna get back together with her but she doesn't want that. She wants to be in love with someone and wants a new relationship. However she wrote that I matured a lot and I'm making a lot more money now than before. Her girlfriend replied that I might just be 'showing off' and don't be fooled.

    What can I do now? How can I get her back? What should I say if she calls me for any reason? How can I make her want me? Any help and advice is really appreciated!

  2. #2
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    Dude. first of all. You HAVE to get rid of her passwords and stop checking her sh!t. Somehow, you need to get her to change them without letting her know you have them, forget them yourself, or use self-discipline to NEVER check them again.

    I don't know how you're going to do that, but YOU MUST. I used to be hacker magic guy and learned things about some stuff that I would have been much better not to know. The burden of violating someone's privacy IN ADDITION TO that of knowing secrets that will tear you apart is TOO much. It is NOT healthy to know this stuff. It will NOT gain you any secret advantage. After all, it's just information, not emotion.

    Second, in a relationship where things are emotionally so-so, you ALWAYS feel like you're wanting more and to be 100% committed when the OTHER person dumps you.

    Third, re-read the "second," and think about what you really wanted. Re-read your fifth sentence above. I learned the hard way that prolonging a unfulfilling relationship so I could feel better about myself just made things worse for me. I wanted more/better/different, to sow oats, sleep around and have fun when I was your age. But instead I got into this relationship and for nearly five years wondered what it was going to be like to experience other women.

    There is truly only one case, IMO, when a man should try to get his ex back. And that's when he has had enough relationship experience and sexual variety to know that one woman stood above all the rest, and she would be worth building a life with.

    Not going to tell you how to do that, because I'm pretty sure it's not what you want.

  3. #3
    kadak8 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    These are extremely good points. I'm so glad that someone can fully understand my situation from another perspective (and not be emotional about it like me).

    I wanted more/better/different, to sow oats, sleep around and have fun when I was your age. But instead I got into this relationship and for nearly five years wondered what it was going to be like to experience other women.
    ^^^^ this is sooo true. That's exactly how I felt durning those 4 years.

    This password thing... It's really hard. It makes me feel a bit like in that Mel Gibson movie where he could hear/read women's thoughts. I do feel like it is an advantage. I would never use it against her tho.
    Do you think it would be beneficial if I _asked_ her to change her fb and gmail passwords? Then she would obviously realize that I know how unfaithful she's been. Should I also tell her that I'm deeply disappointed? Would that help ever reconnecting with her?

    It was so easy to alpha her out when she was only 18, but now she definitely has some skills and can read me very well. For the first 3 years I had so much control over her but now I feel like I'm becoming her puppy and she can do whatever she wants. And we are not a couple.

    Could you kindly tell me that ex-back strategy, in case I needed it later (durning the next 60-70 years)? Deep in my mind I know that there are better girls out there but she is also very good stuff.. I have this "checklist" of 10 things that I want in a girl and she has 7 of those crucial things.

    I'm really looking to hear your thoughts on these and the strategy.

  4. #4
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    I would not recommend telling her you know what you know. Our motivation for doing this kind of thing is selfish. We want them to hurt as badly as we do; we want them to feel as if we have some kind of power over them.

    You probably shouldn't say you're disappointed, because even then, you are alluding to the fact that you know something. You're just trying to prod her into asking why so you can feel justified in telling her.

    If you felt exactly like that in those four years, how can you truly feel any different now? You haven't met your goals and explored yet.

    I can't say I can tell you the strategy. It's probably one of the more uncharted territories in relationship management. Message Bill Preston (owner of the forums) and ask him about his "get her back" program.

    But honestly, go out there and do your thing. And as for the password, just remind yourself EVERY TIME you are thinking you want to check her stuff, "By doing this, I am going to learn things that just hurt me more. It would be unhealthy for me to bear the weight of this. I do not need negative thoughts." And then close your eyes and remember how you FELT the last time you internalized what you discovered. Like a wretch, a fool, and weakling.

  5. #5
    kadak8 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    If you felt exactly like that in those four years, how can you truly feel any different now?
    What happened was that after she broke up with me in December I didn't really care. I felt like a trapped bird finally released from its cage. So I did spent 2 months hooking up with as many girls I could. I found that my ex was superior to all of them but one (that girls had a LTR tho, and she didn't wanna see me again). So that was the point I decided to get my ex back.

    Now I just wish she loved me again as much as she did during the first 3 years.. I know I facked it up because I was constantly sabotating this relationship by not being comitted.

    If you have any more thoughts on these, please let me know, I really appriciate it and its helping me a lot!

  6. #6
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    seriously, how could you really get to know these girls in two months? And how many are we talking about here? (don't answer that). You weren't likely to b giving them a fair chance... by measuring every one of them up against your ex. It's what we do in rebound. We have to learn to enjoy and appreciate the differences as much as the positive similarities.

  7. #7
    kadak8 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    Quote Originally Posted by JonTylerDiPrince View Post
    You weren't likely to b giving them a fair chance... by measuring every one of them up against your ex.
    Okey, that might be true. I'm afraid I did that unconsciously and probably consciously too.

    I've been thinking about the password thing and it would really be selfish to tell her about it or trying to hurt her.

    I have to have the self-discipline to stop logging in to her fb and email acc. It's madness and it's literally tearing me apart it hurts so much to read messages about her hooking up with guys and explaining how sex was.

    I will keep re-reading this thread many times in the future because it makes me realize what I have to do, no matter how really farkin hard it is: get over her. It is the right thing to do even if it's the complete opposite of what I feel like doing.

    What happened to you after your 5-year LTR ended? How did you get over her? Has everything been alright since then?

  8. #8
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    hahaha. I guess I've been waiting a while for this thread to happen. Was born to answer it.

    As for the password thing. I'll go total disclosure. I hacked into my dad's email while my parents were still married. I'm intuitive, and knew he was having an affair. I learned graphic shít about his extra-marital relations I didn't need to know. The kind of things you don't want to imagine your parents or teachers doing. I sought therapy, and your thread reminded me of exactly what the counselor told me: "You already know it is happening. You do not need to know it again and again."

    Accept it for what you know now, and resolve to not need any more information. It won't help you. Tell yourself you are better than that.

    As for the five-year thing, I semi-stalked her secretly for about two years. At about the 1.5 year mark, I had a relationship with a girl who didn't have the same passion, but also didn't have any of the same baggage. It demonstrated to me that it was possible to have much more of what I was after in a relationship. At about the 2.75 year mark, I stopped crying (literally) about losing the long-term GF, and was indifferent towards it.

    I was really messed up, but I got through it. If I had NOT dwelled on it sooner, I could have drastically accelerated the healing process.

    Now I'm focused on enjoying life, and scoring with multiple babes. I don't always have success, but my life is MUCH better. I'm on a mission to learn game. When I have mastered it, I will have total selection and the knowledge to discard women that will not work for me, and the compatibility/power to keep the ones that do.

  9. #9
    kadak8 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    Wow.. that really is a tough story. Can I ask how old are you now? I do hope that it won't last that long for me. 2 years is a very long time. After all this time are you ready for another LTR or marriage now, or rather feel like playing the game?

    Now I think I'm one tiny step closer to letting her go. I won't contact her again, however I will emphasize the apha size of me more (which can come in handy for other girls as well).. I will start posting party pics of me (and some random girls) on facebook and slowly send amazing infos to her about me through our social circle. And score as many girls as I can in the meanwhile.

  10. #10
    JonTylerDiPrince is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Facebook password and dark secrets...

    Those amazing things about you, past, present, and future, are for you. Not her. Don't worry about her.

    36. not even close to marriage. no desire. IMO, it's irrelevant and the silliest of all "institutions." Our governments complicate it. Divorce trivializes it. Just find someone you want to be with for the rest of your life and let that be enough.

    A change of frame from my previous suggestions on not checking passworded stuff: when you find the urge bubbling its head, instead think "I think only of the positive. I move only forward. There is peace and emotional tranquility for me. I am going to take my mind to it now. And follow with my body."


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