Summer is here and so is the season for breakups. With new outdoor bars and clubs opening, women are dressing more and more provocative. Teasing men with low cut shorts and tub tops that would make my grandmother shriek with words of skank and slut. But how do men handle break ups. There’s tons of material and self-help articles from Cosmo, Teen, and Glamour. Not a lot for men. If you do type in “girlfriend” and “Breakup” into a pua google search then all you get is how to “win” her back. Which is an entirely different scenario with a whole other mentality behind it.
Everyman who goes through an emotional detachment asks themselves one thing, What did I do wrong? Blaming themselves for a relationship not working out. But should they? Should a man hold sole culpability for a relationship working out or not? I don’t think so and you shouldn’t either. Relationships may be the most complex situation to understand, two highly complex people trying to create an emotional, physical and spiritual connection.
I found myself asking these questions after my last breakup, “What did I do wrong?” and “Should I have done something different?”. Blaming myself for a 1 month relationship that seemed to end just as fast as it began. Feeling detachment and fault for this inexplicable occurrence I sat down and thought about what was happening here. I wanted the relationship to continue. I thought it was going well and I could not understand someone not wanted to be with someone who seemed to do everything right.
There I found my answer, I, I, I, me, me, me. All I could think about was the I part of the equation. No wonder I was blaming me. I couldn’t grasp the concept that, maybe I didn’t do anything wrong at all. Maybe as a person she had feelings and events going on in her life that are completely out of my control. Things like, another guy, a death in the family, severe trouble at work, so many things can happen in a persons life to make them prioritize and sometimes a relationship just is not at the top. So it wasn’t, “what did I do wrong?”, It’s just, “it didn’t work out”. As people we’re too complex as it is. Lets not make things worse by over complicating a situation that you may never find the honest answers to.
Next time you go through a breakup I want you to think about one thing, is there a possibility that you were a perfect gentleman, a good lover and an excellent date? What more can you ask for in a relationship? Hold onto your integrity and you’ll never have to blame yourself ask what you did wrong. Instead you can learn from relationships and apply it towards the next one.
Integrity is the key, it embodies loyalty, honor, respect, honesty and character. Integrity will help shred insecurities and create strong foundations. You’ll also never have to wonder if you changed something about yourself maybe it would have worked out. Having integrity means you are being honest with yourself and everyone around you. You’re not putting on fake masks to hide insecurity and self-doubt. This ensures that if someone doesn’t like you for you are, there is nothing you can do to change that and it’s their problem if they don’t like you.