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  1. #1
    zero186 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    Ive delved into the PUA insights for quite sometime. Ive taken bits and pieces from different sources, to be able to come into my own and get what i want in life.

    Im not into finding a new girl every weekend. im more the relationship type of guy.

    with that said, I recently got dumped by my gf of 9 months. at the beginning I had control. I had most of the factors necessary to keep her attracted to me: Confidence , leaders of men, protector of loved ones, and the willingness to walk....but at some point, i got attached and my emotions grew strong for her, and i started becoming the AFC that i used to be. she was always a strong headed, confident, and overly proud kind of girl.

    We always clashed heads, because i was trying to take the reins, but she woulndt let them go at times.

    Ive always been a sensitive kind of guy, and always had trouble keeping my emotions in check, which is why i tried to change that with some help from the PUA material.

    with that said...near the end...i guess i messed up pretty bad. I felt her becoming distant (for whatever reasons...too many to get into), and so i got more and more...clingy i guess you could say. Although i gave her plenty of space...she would hardly contact me of her own free will. I knew what i was doing was right, but i wasnt getting the desired result (her looking for me), which caused me to look for her, by either trying to talk to her directly, or talking to her friends, or people that knew her, to try and figure out why she was so distant....but this ended up giving over the power to her for control in the relationship. she consequently got mad, because she found out i was asking advice from her friends and family,....and she dumped me.

    I took it in stride, gave it one last shot....and she still said no. The way she said it made me feel as if she hated my guts, but i hadnt done anything wrong, except try to find out what was going on and fix it. In essence, save the relationship. ( we had a few makeup/breakups prior to this)
    Later on i found out from one of her friends, that the only reason she gave for her breakin with me was because I was "stupid and annoying."
    While she may have found me to be that way, the only thing i ever did was care about her, and wanted to show her that, probably a bit too much...which is the reason for her calling me stupid and annoying.


    since the breakup ( about a month ago), Ive had no contact with her except when she asked me for my address to send me my stuff. it took her about a week and a half to send me the stuff....and i havent heard from here since.

    Is there anything that I can or cannot do, should or should not do, to try to get her back?

    The reason im asking is, shes been the kind of girl that says things when shes upset, but later regrets them...however, i think, that because of her pride and stubbornness, she wont admit that she misses me and wants me back....

    when we broke, I blocked her from my fb so i woudlnt be tempted to check her profile, and i initiated the no contact rule, and just waited it out...its been about a month...and still no reply. Im kinda stuck as to where to go from here....any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Perservere12 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    Hey man..a year ago I went through almost the same exact situation you're in with a girl that sounds very similar. When you're in that zone, u dont realize whats right and not right to do until time passes. There's nothing you can right now to change her, absolutely nothing, in fact it'll make it worse....if you want this to reverse, the only thing u can do is NC, switching your energy and focus back to your own life like before you met her, and cutting off that connection totally! As time passes she will be the one who will wonder what you're doing and why you're not hitting her up. That is the only way, but it's the powerful way. She'll only miss u if your not there. Good luck~

  3. #3
    zero186 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    Hey man. Thanks appreciate the insight. I have been trying to move on. just completely let go.

    I recently unblocked her and put up a new pic,of me and some friends out. One of my friends whos pretty cute, just happened to be sitting on my lap :P). I guess she noticed. I know i shouldntt have but i checked her fb page this past monday...and i guess she "replied" to my picture, by posting one of her own, with a caption that read "because im better without you "...shes making me out to be the bad guy even though i never did anything bad to her.

    however, it didnt really bother me, and honestly the intent of putting up that picture wasnt to start a jealousy picture fight. i guess you could say what i did was a bit immature, but i didnt do it to be immature...i was hoping shed be missing me by now (with NC rule) and that would make her see that im moving on and not stuck on her, and then shed come looking for me, but i guess shes just too immature and/or stubborn and proud to admit that she misses me. but her reaction is obvious that she still thinkins about me.

    For now Ill just walk on, with the advice youve given me. Just go and focus on myself and to try to make myself happy from now on.

    Any other insight or advice is appreciated, im sure others who are going through similar situations will appreciate it.
    Thanks.

  4. #4
    Perservere12 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    That's good bro. She's doing that out of jealousy, n it's easy to react and say something to her but that'll just drive her away again. Don't be a kid about it and make her think you're purposely going back n forth. The best way for this to work is if u truly do shift your focus to all the awesome things u have n can do in life...rather than sit and wait on a girl who doesn't even appreciate u. The only way u break NC is if enough time goes by for negativity to go away and she contacts u respectfully. Best of luck, n live ur life!

  5. #5
    zero186 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    well...she contacted me...was it respectful? no.
    was it disrespectful? no, not that i can see.

    but it was only a halfhearted attempt on her behalf.

    One i believe that merits no response.

    She messaged me on FB at 3 am on saturday, and the only thing she put in the message was "a"

    Thats it.

    I know now, for sure that shes thinking about me, but idk if its even worth responding to...

    If i try to respond she might just dismiss it, and say it was an accident, or ask why am i txting her, etc...you know just basically throwing it in my face.

    for all i know she was drunk when she sent me that...so my question is...does it even matter whether i reply or not?

    I really cant lie and say that im over it, but ive been doing well with NC, but this stupid message has just been buggin me...

  6. #6
    zero186 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    its been a while now...since the last time i was here...

    Lately ive been thinking. The hurt is gone.
    I still miss her, but i was holding off on making on contact...
    I decided to look at her profile this morning...and to my surprise...she was posting stuff publicly...why? your guess is as good as mine.

    one thing stood out to me though...a music video...with the lyrics in it. its a spanish song. heres a chunk of the lyrics translated:

    I look into infinity (im still lost)
    And in the footsteps of your kisses
    In one of your cigarettes (I'm crazy about you)
    Waiting till exhaustion
    And you've thrown me into oblivion ... (I'm desperate)
    And luck is a sigh escapes me
    And you're going out of my reach ... (Your gone)
    And it breaks my life into pieces
    And I
    I cry for you

    Dreaming that what we have any choice
    I cry for you
    Is there no way to forget your kisses
    I cry for you
    Is that I keep thinking how much I love you
    I cry for you

    I want to be honest
    And I've been thinking about you all day
    Quit this rebellion
    Cry cry and the bed still empty
    You are my joy
    I live in agony
    For you I lived
    Without you I would be nothing
    Stop, talk to me a bit
    I turn myself crazy crazy
    Because I cant feel your skin
    I have been faithful to you
    and now live with the problem of having you so far


    Yes. I know im looking into it probably way too much. but It is what it is. Thats just how i am.

    anyways...i took some thinking and consulted some female friends. The consensus was that she missed me, and probably wanted me to know...which is why she made it public.

    However while consulting with a friend, I found out that she has been dating someone. I know it doesnt matter, or shouldnt.

    Im trying to just reopen the lines of communication.

    I saw an oppurtinity and I took it.

    I gave her a call, expecting her to be standoffish, but i actually got somewhat of a good response.
    She answered and asked who this was. I simply said it was me. she said oh, hi. I asked how things were? just making small talk. she said hey im on the phone right now with someone else, but can i call you back? i said actually i have to go back to work. she said "awww" I said id call later. and with that we said bye and hungup.

    How should i approach this?
    Im going in a little slower this time, and alot wiser...trying to rebuild attraction is my number one priority....

    any specific tips for this type of situation?

  7. #7
    In The Tropics's Avatar
    In The Tropics is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: lost my ex...probably because of dominance change...suggestions ?

    Dude. you gotta let go I think. focus on putting your best self forward, and maybe she will come back. Doesn't sound too promising though. I think that you just need to find a new girl or more than one new girl to occupy your mind with. There are plenty of them out there waiting for you to approach them.

    If you are well versed on PUA material, then you have got to get over this oneitis thing. I used to have the same issue, now I just talk to as many girls as I can. I don't try to sleep with as many as I can or anything like that, but the one you really want will know it if she is the only one you want.

    that is the best advice I can give to you man. But it sounds like this may be irreparable.
    Last edited by In The Tropics; 09-23-2011 at 06:45 PM. Reason: typo


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