I'm new to the forum, this is my first post.
My gf and I broke up about five months ago and I still very much want her back. Since the break up I have been reading various PUA material (starting with some get your ex back stuff, then some David D, now I am reading "The Game" and "Bang") and it has become pretty clear as to where and why things went wrong. It should also be mentioned that I have meet someone since the break-up that I have been seeing causally but I have no desire to get serious with this one, we just meet up a couple times a week, have sex and watch a movie, beyond that, I'm not interested.
I will describe the events of our relationship below, and do my best to keep it as brief as possible. Anyone who is good enough to read through it and offer up their thoughts is welcome. It would be much appreciated.
I meet this girl a year and a half ago and we hit it off right away. The first month was phenomenal. I was playing it cool, taking my time and not making any of the classic mistakes, but she told me pretty early on that she just started aa and is three months sober. This didn't bother me, I liked her, she was fun and funny as hell without any drinks in her, and I'm not a big drinker myself anyhow. The only thing is, you're not supposed to get involved with someone in your first year of sobriety, not as a rule but as a firm suggestion. But we continued to see each other and for that first month and it was great.
Then, out of the blue, she freaks. I suppose she was realizing that it was indeed turning into a relationship, it scared her and she turned her back on the whole thing. I was devastated. But still, I did play it relatively cool. I was understanding and it wasn't just an act. I understood that the girl had been through a lot, made a lot of mistakes while abusing drugs and alcohol and hurt a lot of people along the way. She needed time to get her life on track. So I waited.
The five months that followed were nothing short of a roller coaster ride. On again off again, dating but not calling it that, etc. During this time neither of us were sleeping with anyone else and I know for a fact that none of the problems during these months had anything to do with "other guys" or even me. I knew that she did in fact have strong feelings for me and that most of the problems stemmed from the conflict she had about me. I continued to play it as cool as I could have, but there were no doubt times where neediness and rejection crept in, how could they not eventually? I was in love.
It was finally around last December that I made the right move. I told her straight up that I just wanted to be friends and I'm not looking for anything more, a bunch of b.s., but I think she bought it. Shortly after that, we were "on" again. We planned a ski trip with friends for New Years and that trip ended up being one of the best weekends of my life. We had a blast and things we're really going to the next level with us after that trip.
It was after the New Year that we made it "official", you know, changing our facebook status and all that other lame sh1t. But it was great, and it was different then before. She was totally in love with me, obsessed, to the point where it was annoying sometimes. For the first time since the beginning, I had the upper hand. It was to the point where she was taking about kids and marriage, for which I didn't have too much response, but I never opposed it either. This was the first girl I've ever meet where settling down seemed like something I may want.
The "bubble" period lasted about two months. Things slowly started going down hill. Little things starting happening, outside of the relationship, that started effecting our personal lives. The biggest being her father getting diagnosed with terminal cancer in mid March. This put a devastating hit on our relationship. She was depressed, obviously, and I was supportive. But despite me being the rock, she still pulled away from me very much at this time and of course she was spending all her time with her family, as anyone would during that kind of hardship. I was now very much conflicted, on one hand trying to be supportive and understanding, on the other, missing my gf as well as the fantastic and frequent sex. So needless to say, she was slowly pulling away, I was trying to hold on.
Other mistakes that I made during this downturn were in my personal life. I was in a slump, unrelated to the relationship. Sleeping late, being super lazy and irresponsible. Just demonstrating "low value" patterns in general. This of course, didn't help things.
After holding things in for awhile and not talking about any of the obvious problems, we had a giant blow-up fight about my lazy and irresponsible lifestyle over those couple of months and this resulted in the break-up. This was in mid June.
For the first few weeks , things were in a bit of a transition period. We still talked a few times and saw each other once or twice. I realize now that this was the point at which I probably could have gotten her back, but in typical dumped dude fashion, I was an idiot. Made all the mistakes guys make when a chick breaks up with him. A couple weeks later, I lost her for good.
It was at this time that I picked up a copy of one of the "how to get your ex back" e-books. I was desperate. I put the no contact plan into effect and started doing my best to get my life back together.
Things were going well, despite the fact that I missed the sh1t out of her. About a month later, I had no choice but to contact her. Not only did I hear that her father went into remission and wanted to give my best wishes, but we also happened to be working on the same film project together and I need to talk to her about that. When I called her I acted cool, positive, and casual, but she acted weird and was very short with me. I hung up feeling a little disappointed, only to find her calling back a few minutes later to confess that she was very upset by a couple of girls that were e-flirting with me on FB. She was getting insanely jealous. I told her she was being ridiculous and I wasn't going to talk about this, She continued to call and text me and was really worked up. I loved it. I was hoping this was the first step to us getting back together. The next morning she texted to apologize for the way that she acted. I replied with only 'no worries'.
It was a few weeks after this that we had to see each other for this film project. I felt so prepared, knowing in my head exactly what I should do and what I shouldn't, but I psyched myself out and got impatient with things. We saw each other once or twice after the project, but she could tell I wasn't over her, she saw right through me. One day when I wanted to hang out, she said she couldn't, so like an idiot I drove over her house to find out why. I was paranoid that it was another guy but it only ended up being her girlfriends. Regardless, it was a huge neediness indicator. She then tells me that there are mixed feeling between us and we shouldn't be talking or seeing each other any more. That night, I made the worst mistake I ever could have. I called her, had a huge fight and made her feel guilty and cry, then I drove to her house and banged on her locked door, then on the way back home, I called her 15 or 16 times. Not my best moment. It gets worse though. The next day I demand all my stuff back from her house, including a diamond necklace that I gave her for her b day. I texted her saying that I didn't want a goddamn thing to do with her and that she doesn't deserve to have my diamonds. She speed over to my house, stormed into my room with tears in her eyes, handed me the necklace and left. After that I felt pretty bad.
I not only felt sh1tty about acting like a total d-bag, but also about taking the necklace, a gift, back from her. A week later I drop a sorry card and the diamonds into her mailbox (the necklace also had a new chain on it, because the old one had broke). There was no response. We went two months without talking, except for a text at some point where I told her I still feel bad and she replied saying that she is no longer upset.
Come late October, there is another forced meeting between us for this project. Our encounter is light and causal, we go outside for a smoke and catch up, but there couldn't help but be a little awkwardness in the air. A few hours after the meeting she texts me though. The text was about the meeting itself but it was something that she did not in anyway have to send me. It was more small talk then anything. I answer her text a few hours later and after that, nothing for the next month.
Then, in November, two things happened. One, I was getting tired of this girl I was seeing and really starting to miss my ex again and two, I had my appendix removed. Two weeks ago, which was about a week after my surgery, she texts me, saying that she was looking at my FB profile and saw that I had surgery and wanted to make sure I was ok. I waited several hours before getting back to her with a reply, which was a light joke about the surgery and then asking her how she is and how her Thanksgiving was. She responds quickly with her answer and I respond again with another light joke, to which she jokes back. After the five texts back and forth, I decide to stop. I let her have the last word, and just put the phone down. I haven't heard from her since.
What the hell do I do? I miss her now more then ever, as the holidays are approaching and this was the time last year that we had so much fun. It's messing me up. The worst part of it all is that I know everything I did wrong, both in the relationship and afterward, and I know that I won't make same mistakes again. All I want is another shot, if things don't work after that, then so be it.
In closing, it should be said that I know she is not currently dating anyone else. Though whether or not she is seeing anyone in a causal capacity, I don't know. It should also be said that although the PUA material I have been looking at has helped slightly with my Mindset, most of it is not news to me. I have never had much trouble with the ladies, I'm a decent looking guy and I like to think that I'm pretty fun to be around, so getting girls has never been the issue. The issue is, is that I'm in love. I'm 30 years old now, kind of done with the whole bar scene, and I as much as I love banging hot chicks, going out to try and pick up drunk strangers at a club is not really very appealing to me anymore.
Forgive me for the lengthy post, but if you did make it all the way through my sob story, I would love to hear your thoughts.