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  1. #1
    Dermo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default A little advice would be nice

    Hi Guys,

    Here is my story - I had been in what I would call a pretty good honest relationship for the past year with a girl I really do love.
    There is a 7 year age gap I am 29 and she is 22, however this has never been an issue for us.

    I'm an Irish guy and have been living in Australia for 2 years and this is where we met.
    She is almost finished university while I work full time. We have never even had an argument which in my opinion and from my experience is a pretty good sign of a strong relationship, I love her and she loves me, she has always said so.
    She broke it off with me 5 months ago and I really thought I would have got over it by now but I still miss her like crazy.

    I did make some mistakes, I drank way too much alcohol at times and that hurt her and she said that to me. There was an event/party in her parents house and I drank way too much and kind of embarrassed here in front of her family (many generations of her family) I have been at many events like this before I they worked out just fine. I was just a drunken idiot - which i apologized for and she said she forgives me. I have since massively cut back on my drinking because it was affecting my life.
    I also made the usual mistakes of acting like a soft fool after the break up and pushed her away even further.

    At the moment she is in Sweden on the last month of a university placement and I am in Ireland for 2 months.
    We had no contact since September after she sent me an email saying that she needed space for a while and that having contact between us was difficult for her and making her enjoy her trip overseas less - she said she wants to stay friends but just needs some space for a few months while she is in Sweden.
    I had booked a flight to Sweden while we were together as I didnt want us to be apart for too long. She made contact with me a week before I was to leave for Europe and asked if my plans for coming were still the same.
    I sent her a fairly lengthy email explaining all my plans which included going home to Ireland for 2 months via Sweden and then returning to Melbourne for just 2 weeks and moving to New Zealand for 6 months to a year. I then went on to say I would like to meet up in Sweden if she wants to and also that she is welcome to visit me in Ireland if she wants.

    She replied saying the following:
    I am too busy with her university work to spend time with you, I have a project to hand in on the 19th - its best to leave it for now.

    What does she mean "leave it for now", bit confusing
    I think she may have been upset that I was moving to New Zealand for a while - but i'm not sure as her email was so brief.
    I was a little pissed by her brief response and the fact she didnt want to even see me after I was coming all the way to Sweden - I sent an angry email back to her and deleted her from Facebook, (all our contact has been through Facebook while we have been in different countries)

    When I arrived in Ireland I realized I had made a big mistake sending her that angry email and deleting her so I sent her another email saying sorry and that I hope we can resolve some kind of friendship out of this mess.
    That was almost 2 weeks ago and I have had no reply.

    I am pretty sure she will make contact again - probably when
    she is back in Australia. I was thinking of cancelling my visit to New Zealand and trying to fix the relationship with her instead but again I dont know if its possible to fix - its driving me insane thinking about it all the time.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    The needier you are, the more you're going to drive her away

    Don't cancel your trip

    Go hang out with other friends and girls, you don't have to date but you do have to get your mind off of her

    Temper your responses anyway. When she contacts you wait till the next day to respond, show a slight bit of distance to make her wonder and she will pursue you slightly harder

    Just leave her alone right now, play it right when she contacts you again and maybe you can set your meeting while you're traveling anyway
    But if you act too needy it's never going to happen

    First and foremost tho live your life, no girl is worth changing all of your plans for, if it's meant to be it will work out later
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    4ad
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    Man, listen to The Red Baron, he knows what he's talking about. I am doing what he recommended on a post of mine and it seems to be working.

    I agree no girl is worth changing your life for her (unless it's a positive thing for you and you really doit for yourself) or going out of your way for her.

    I had a similar situation, was "advised" several times to cool it off with my drinking, till I got drunk at her birthday and acted like a fool in front of her friends. That's when she dumped me. Also went through some of the stages you went my self (The acting soft and needy, angry message, etc). Now we talk on facebook quite regularly (trying to not overdo it) and am keeping it cool and she seems more curious and wanting to prove herself. She may be regretting what she did but I can't know that for a fact.
    Anyway I'm keeping it cool and think I don't like/need her so much after all.

    Sometimes even though you know the answer deep inside you are your worst advisor, especially in these situations. Give your mind a rest/break and try to stop obsessing, keep it cool and don't act needy. Try doing things you like and dating other girls or meeting new people. I know, easier said done done. If that doesn't work then almost anything will. Quit calling her for a while.

    Your situation, however, seems quite complicated since there are different countries involved, trips to be made, months or years to go. Personally I wouldn't even bother unless she gets back to Aus. You need to have a clear mind in order to win her back or to get other girls. I would say it's not worth it but of course you must decide. And I wouldn't go all the way to Sweden just to see her unless I had other businesses or reasons to be there.

    Hope that helped.

  4. #4
    Dermo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    Thanks for the advise guys.

    How I feel is this, I have been in a few relationships over the years and I have been dumped before. Usually I just cut ties and feel better after a few weeks.
    However with this girl cutting ties just makes me feel worse. Its been 6 months now and very little contact, I still feel the same about her as I did before we broke up.
    I can truly say now that she is the one for me and I know for a fact she was upset when I said I was going to New Zealand and not staying in Melbourne, which says a lot about her feelings (she has some problems expressing her feelings and she is as stubborn as a mule). Also she has always said she still loves me.

    She is back in Melbourne at the start of February and I will be there at the end of February. I just hope that she can put all the bad things that have been said between us since the break up behind her.

    I have to try fix this or I will definitely regret it, I have decided to stay in Melbourne for a few months at least and if nothing happens between us then I will continue with my travel plans.

    Cheers

  5. #5
    4ad
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    Man, if I where you I'd give it one last shot when she's in Aus at the same time as you. Otherwisw next her....I'm sure there's thousand's if not millions of pretty girls down there.
    Cheers.

  6. #6
    4ad
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Last edited by 4ad; 01-10-2012 at 11:42 PM.

  7. #7
    Dermo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    Obviously there is more than "the one" but one thing I know for sure there are not many of them... that is one thing im sure of.

  8. #8
    4ad
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Last edited by 4ad; 01-10-2012 at 11:37 PM.

  9. #9
    Dermo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    OK so I guess this is a dead duck, below is an email I received from her today.
    Note - I was not smothering her at all, I just sent her an email.
    I don't even believe she has met someone at all, I think she is trying to push me away - its not her style to start a relationship that will go nowhere, i.e with a foreigner that will obviously end when she goes back to Australia at the end of the month.
    But that being said it doesn't really matter does it? - the fact that she sent me this email kind of says that she is trying to push me out of her life and not see me again??? what do you guys think??
    She mentioned "friends" a lot as I was kind of trying the distance approach saying that I would still like to be friends.

    "Sorry I didn't realise you were writing to me I never look at this email account... I would like us to be friends but it would be best to have space for a while.
    As life is never planned and you never know what is going to happen in the future, I can say that I cannot see us together in the future, and we can only be friends as I have met someone in my travels here in Sweden and I am very happy.
    As I said before I would like us to be friends, but your smothering me with trying to contact me. Just give me some space please"


    DEAD DUCK???
    Last edited by Dermo; 01-10-2012 at 10:48 PM.

  10. #10
    4ad
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    Default Re: A little advice would be nice

    Man I really see a dead duck here. My situation was very similar. My ex gf tld me the exact same words so I told her ok you'll have your peace. I guess she's feeling a bit lonely now after like a month and she's even considered hooking up agin (on her terms of course) whish I'm not sure if is a good idea.
    However, If she doen't want to talk to you don't bother. Only time could help you on this instance. But get on with your life, and leave her alone, don't contact her whatsoever for at least a month or when she gets back. Otherwise youre sabotaging yourself.


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