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  1. #1
    4ad
    4ad is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Ex just starting to see another guy, and likes him (time sensitive)

    So If you read some of my previous posts you may know a bit about my situation.
    Thing is she really liked me at first (were together for about 5 months and almost instantly clicked). She always said she loved me and so on and was the one who pushed to actually be my girlfriend. However, later on she started to complain about my drinking habits, lazyness etc (I was not at my best during that time, lots of pressure of many sorts, including intensive law studying).

    I told her a bunch of times I was gonna stop drinking (at least till I got back to normal and stopped it affecting my life in general - (because it was, and also was not careful enough about my appearance; got a big belly etc. although I consider myself good looking and above average and she too bbut I just wasn't the person I could be). I was really going to do it but needed to find the right time. But she did not believe it and I kept telling her youll see... (She had told me if I continued that way one day she'll leave me).

    Well when I finally started to quit drinking in late november and hitting the gym at last the most dreadful thing happened. I went to her bday and got drunk and embarrassed her in front of her friends. The next day was my sis's wedding and she was supposed to go with me and not only she did'nt go, but restricted me on facebook. Didn't reply to me in like 4 days where i kept calling and messaging wanting to know wtf. Then she finally added me again. That was early december. I haven't seen her since then.

    After that, after a few conversations she said If I went sober one day and was serious about changing she would consider coming back. Once she even told me call me tomorrow when your sober (I had called somewhat drunk- yes the breakage didn't help my problem at all, in fact it worsened it...I started drinking a lot again and sopped hitting the gym. Well I wrongly thought I shouldn't make it so easy on her since I was also mad at her for the way she dumped me and because she didn't go to the wedding.

    This is when it gets really ugly: She had been showing signs of interest until last week, even till friday afternoon when she even agree to go to the beach with me and maybe stay over at a friends. She still had a bit of faith in me. (She always said it's a waste I'm so intelligent and good looking but so autodestructive at the same time). Well that same day, I got into her Facebook. (She left her password sored on my PC by chance so I can check it whenever I want And since we broke up I kind of have been obsessing over what she does and says (I know, a bit unethical and unwise but I just couldn't help it). Until that day she was still somewhat interested in giving it another shot (last Friday afternoon). It should be noted that this was our FIRST breakup... Normally you get at least another chance I think.

    However that day I saw her messages, and a guy who she barely knew and had not spoken to in like a year messaged her, they chatted for a bit and he proposed doing something later. I didn't worry too much because I thought this must be another loser that wants to tallk to her, hang with her or whatever (She has tons of those and normally she does't take them seriously. Really it was mindblowing the amount of idiots wantig to get with her. But somehow this dude played it cool and managed to take her out that night. The next day I called her and she gave me an excuse for not calling me when she woke up as we had arranged. She said she got up early to go to the beach, got into her car (she was supposed to pick me up after the call) and found out she forgot her cell phone so she just headed alone to the beach. I don't know how true this was, maybe she was just hungover or thinking about the guy she went out with the night before or whatever. Maybe I put too much pressure on her talking about staying at a frind's house for the weekend and even implying something about sex. Maybe she was feeling guilty or something about going out with that guy or didn't know how to tell me or wanted to tell me or lie.

    But she wasn't with the guy I know that for a fact, since, during the incommunication time I logged in again to her FB and the guy started messaging and said: "Hey, how was your day at the beach". I had the suspiscion that they had gone out so I replied, pretending I was her, "how was last night?". And this is when it really got gloomy for me. He replied "Yesterday I had a great time with you, I couldn't even sleep afterwards with a big smile on my face". I then erased the question so she wouldn't notice, so it looked like he was just talking for his own sake and hoping he would come across as needy or too interested and not a challenge or something like that. Well after that they kept messaging normally so I thought I still had a chance. But it seems that this took exactly the opposite effect!!! Just yesterday she sent her a message saying she just saw that part of the conversation and that seemed to draw her interest even higher (maybe cause she doesn´t trust men too much or because she was hoping that he had thought that). After that she's been taling to him a lot, flirting and everything, talking about wanting to meet again etc. The guy is a writer and she is into "smart" guys and may think this guy is everything she wants (after being with a couple troglodites before me).

    So the bottom line is, She seems very infatuated and him too. She even sent a message to a friend of hers today sayg how happy she is things are looking so good now she'd call her to tell her everything, and how things are going great and so on.

    So now I think I'm pretty farked up and don't know what to do. She has only seen him once (Max twice) and I'm pretty sure they have at least kissed fooled around. He sends her a "HOT "(hardcore)" kiss" (she uses that word a lot) to which she replies playfully and acknowledging. He even sent a crap song that she instantly posted on her wall (and made it invisible to me). The smartass even sends her witty poetry and phylosophical lines and quotes and stuff for god's sake.
    For what I have seen she's totally into him and he as well. I stupidlly sent idiotic messages during the weekend and called her several times and then sent her a message saying why dont you answer, damn your farking strange. (By the way I was sober again and hitting the gym and ready to make things the right way this time but now this SOB appears and everything goes to shiat again...... Kind of paradoxical, ironical and gruesome how things are turning up for me.

    All this has happened in less than 5 days!!!! I think I'm farkedup now! What can I do? Is there still hope? She's only seen him once or twice but will definetely see him this weekend. I'd like to at least try firing a last bullet before she's gone forever, that wayat least I tried. Every second that passes harms my possibilities more. If she gets to be his girlfriend I'll never want to have anything to do with her again. So maybe this is the time to take action, and not play or hard to get or disappear (won't work at this point). If I do nothing this is gonna progress into a relationship for sure as I see it.

    So please guys give me some advice, I'm afraid to call her because chances are she won't answer. Should I message her? Should I wait for her outside her house at the time when I know she comes back like a stalker (may be the only way to see her and talk to her). Or should I just surrender and accept the battle is lost??

    She just posted on her wall "what you're seeking is seeking you" and he gave it a "like" (of course I'm banned to see that comment).

    The more time passes the worse things are getting. This might be my last chance and if I'm defeated at least I want to know I tried in the end. Thank you for reading this long post, which could be the last one related to this girl.

    Seriously confused about what to do. Please give me some ammo, insight or advice and not only read. I think this guy is full of sh1t and well, maybe my ex too. I'm pretty sure it's my last chance if I ever had one.....no time to wait? I haven't tried to contact her since sunday (3 days ago with no reply). What to do I'm about to lose her for good, no PUA techniques to help me in these scenario as I see it??!!!

  2. #2
    4ad
    4ad is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Ex just starting to see another guy, and likes him (time sensitive)

    Just want to point out that I'm not the kind of guy who suffers from "one-itis". I learned not to do that many years ago. But I don't know what happened here...maybe it is because last year I broke my leg and was handicapped and alone for almost a year and still limp a bit... and also because of the way things ended that I'm so depressed and my confidence is very very low...Maybe it's the fear of not being able to find a high quality woman. I'm not sure. I didn't even want to be this girl's bf at first, she pushed it...I just went on with it for social proof and to improve my confidence and not be lonely during a dark period...But look the hole in which I am now....In fact, I used to like being single and had no problem with that and didnt need a gf to feel worthy. But now I'm feeling like sht and am losing my brain over this.

  3. #3
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Ex just starting to see another guy, and likes him (time sensitive)

    I'm sorry dude but you are suffering one itis here

    And checking her Facebook is pure no-go. That's stalker like crap. You gotta cut it out

    You've done a lot of damage, and if it's going to be fixed you gotta stop worrying about her and focus on you for a bit

    The harder you push the worse it's going to be. You can't just push this guy out, you have to make yourself seem more appealing

    Here's a related post I put up on some of these topics. You're giving her way too much value
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-talk-gi...html#post32986

    Sorry again man but this is a mess, and youve gotta back off

    Erase her password from your Facebook first, it's for your own good
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  4. #4
    danhats is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Ex just starting to see another guy, and likes him (time sensitive)

    hey,

    i'm going through a similar thing at the moment. been broken up for about 2 months now and went nc after new years... turns out this was kinda my downfall.

    so in the past week we've been texting and she has told me how much she misses me and thinks about me all the time. since xmas i had always been suspicious that someone else was in the picture and it got confirmed last night. she was working in my area today and text the other night hinting at whether i could put her up last night. i made the offer and last night she came round, i made dinner and generally had a nice catch up. then she told me there was someone else but they've only been seeing each other casually as she still has feelings for me. but the only reason this guy got a look in was cos i went nc and she thought i was over her.

    in some respect, going nc worked as it made her miss me even more but at the same time, it allowed another guy in.

    not really sure where to go from here.

  5. #5
    dirtymitts is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Ex just starting to see another guy, and likes him (time sensitive)

    Honestly man give it time, I know it's not what you want to hear but trust me it helps, then get back on the horse and start improving yourself before you even talk to her, there's so many girls out there its insane


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