Break-up Game

Girlfriend:

So I have been with my girl for 2 years (Friends with benefits for one year) then went exclusive after that, we met at university and still live in the same town. We have such a laugh together, dropped the L word, met each others parents the whole lot. I did my PUA days in uni and the day I realized she was different it hit me like a thunderbolt, so we went exclusive. Going excusive didn't change anything and we were great for 9 months, going at it any chance we got, loved each others company, bounced off each other like we always did.

Situation:

However, for about the last month or so she has been distant. The sex died down and she wasn't her usual self, so a few weeks ago we had a chat and she said she wasn't sure if she saw me as a boyfriend anymore, she said all I did was complain about my housemates and wasn't myselF. I realized I had been a total AFC for a month or so and killed the attraction and Sexual Tension dead.I'd been moping around the house instead of manning up and doing something about it, I got a job in November so i have been pre-occupied with that. Was hard to judge the situation since she liked the atention but also felt smothered. So i backed off a bit, she'd end up texting me saying "not talking to me today?" and then double texting when I didn't reply. Good signs i thought, pulling her in instead of pushing her away.

So last night we had a talk as I was fed up of not knowing, we 'broke up'. I applied Matt Hustons Get your ex back techniques, so telling her to follow her heart, thats the way it is etc not AFC-ing and crying or getting angry which seemed to really throw her, she really wanted to be friends but i was hesitant to promise we would be. She ended up crying saying she needed me in her life, can't bear to loose me, loves me, and apologized none stop about breaking up with me. I kept my cool, as with Matt Hustons guide and agreed with the break up....


Problem:

Obviously I don't want it to end with this girl, but having AFC'd and killed attraction it doesn't look good right?

I know I was a total AFC, didn't give her the attention she wanted and was all needy. I'm back to me now, training for a half marathon, moving out my current house and plans to start my own busness with some friends from uni are taking shape so I've manned up and taking charge now.

Well she text me good night using my pet name and being affectionate, low and behold I woke up to a text from her saying she think she didn't think she made the right decision (Cheers Matt for the words!) and thinks maybe a break would be best. Now i'm not a fan of breaks and think they're just prolonged breaks and i thought I was dead in the water. So i asked about the break and what she would want, she now says she doesn't want to break up then regret it a week later and if she made a decision in the heat of the moment or if whether it was the right decision.

So the break up game seems to be working, just wondering how you guys would play this? I'm tempted to continually agree with the break up and act like I am ok with it as it only took her a day to regret her decision. I think no contact and agreeing with the break up with some push/pull would do it, and a social network jealously scheme. She's already openly questioning if she did the right thing,and snapped at me tonight saying "if you want to play games then I can't be bothered" - little did she know I was on the late shift at work and incredibly busy

Also, no contact is an obvious rule but what if she texts lots? I sense danger of being 'her friend' (or emotional tampon in the words of Matt Huston).

All advice is welcome!

I have no formal experience practicing breakup game, but I've had a few relationships start to Bounce back even tho I thought I wanted to end them. This is my input anyway

Play somewhat as though you're courting her to begin with, don't respond to most of her texts but reward her occasionally, when she says she misses you once and a while acknowledge you do too, but in general if you respond be fun and cool again
When the passion heats up and you guys are together eventually give in to raw passion again. Let her bring up any discussion on getting / staying back together-
Be cool when she does, tell her something like yea I've been thinking about it alot too, maybe we can give it a shot, etc (she's gotta introduce the premise)

Meanwhile I wouldnt ignore everything, just remember the rules of pickup to begin with, you gotta reward her when she jumps through your hoops or shows you big IOIs

Cheers Red Baron, it appears the break up game is working to an extent at the moment

It seems like a lot of your advice took place all over one texting session last night. She basically introduced the idea of getting back together, initially wanted me as a friend in case she made a mistake - I said I wasn't a doormat about to be given the run around. After a bit more chatting I was cool and fun again like you said, which prompted the response

"if it continues i may have to have you back, if girl X (girl X is the last person I slept with before her, been flirty on Facebook after the break up) hasn't pounced on you yet, maybe I won't take it off Facebook just yet"

So I was a bit Cocky/Funny telling her she has to earn me if she wants me as I'm not a piece of meat, which lead to a bit more banter. So it appears being fun (again) is pulling her in.

She continually pushed the idea of getting back together and said 'we should be single friends, if we get back together then we do', but I never answered this question due to answering new questions and onto a different thread. But she got the impression I agreed without me actually saying it, which I'm cool with. She said she still feels emotionally drained from when I was moping around the house as she put effort into helping me, and the emotions are still there relating to this. I mentioned about what would happen if I got with other girls and she joked I was a man slut and if we got back together she would be nosey about it.

I'm just wondering how much original game you would play? I haven't heard from her today, I haven't initiated contact either - part break up game/pick-up game. Because initiating contact and making all the effort will be total AFC, yet ignoring her won't go down well so it seems a fine line.

From what was said she see's me as a the grumpy, moaning AFC I was. So, how would you game her so she shakes off this negative perception of me? As it appears to be stopping her getting back with me right this moment. I think being fun and high energy is the way forward.

Also I think I'm in danger now of being stuck on the friend zone if I don't play it right (despite saying the break up was for the best and maybe this is goodbye). So I need to game her so she knows I want to fork her still and not wind up in the friend zone.

All advice/ideas welcome

You're doing the right steps, these perceptions take time to shift

Definitely stay fun, high energy, and passionate when your with her

Absolutely don't worry about texting her all the time, She knows you're into her, some inconsistency will help. If you don't text her for a day or two it will make her wonder, but if she sees it when you're together it will make her crave it

I think your main concern is gonna be getting quick to sex when you're together. Have a cool date, like sledding or mini golf (more unique is better tho) depending on where you're at followed by a movie at your place, passionate make out session, bring all that energy back that was lost
That's going to be your opportunity to show her you're fun and everything she's looking to find again, meanwhile you're doing good, dont rush it and dont start overly texting her that can lead to the same ol emotionally dependent needy road that you're above

Yeah I think the her perception will take time to change. I'll definitely stay fun, high energy, and passionate when i'm with her

However, today I think I got gamed and nearly went AFC.

Here it is for your delectation....

So I text her around midday saying "No talking yesterday, Damn must be a first for 2 years" (true story) so she got moody saying 'well you didn't text me either' so I said I was too busy being famous and my lifestyle had changed (I was in the local paper about my up and coming business - dhv right? )

The convo died so 5 hours later I said 'you're rubbish....' she asked 'what you been up to besides not being famous?' which was followed by 'Don't have to talk to you, i'm single =D', so i told her i'd have to focus my attentions elsewhere if single life was treating her well. She got moody again saying 'what on girl X, she's come out the woodwork lately' so i said "never said my attentions would be on her =P",

She then asked how single life was treating me so i said i was alright (keep it cool), I returned the question and she said she was 'content', this is where I think I went AFC.

I said 'content? not sure I follow" which was greeted by 'you don't have to, I'm OK',so I joked saying 'not want to be my friend now?' which was greeted by another moody text saying 'why, cos I don't speak to you daily?' so I said 'maybe you changed you're mind....' and she said 'No, I'd tell you if I had'.

So, I had to fight my instincts to go AFC and ask what she meant by 'content' and what she was thinking, and if she wanted to get back together still. I didn't go total AFC, thankfully and we exchanged a couple more small talk texts.

I'm thinking now to go no contact as I have a night out tomorrow, Girl X will be there so pictures will be on Facebook - she seems jealous already, just want her to be a bit jealous and feel the sense of loss - not piss her off completely. And then Saturday I'm at a house party and a night out with the guys so I'm sort of expecting her to text me (to check up on me) and this would give me the opportunity to tease (bit of cocky/funny and push/pull) her saying she's checking up on me and then move it to the idea of what we could get up to if she was with me.

So, i'm wondering if she is trying to game me and what the next move should be, I'm thinking no contact for a few days so she can have a bit of space.

Can you tell i'm new to break-up game?

All ideas/opinions are welcome

It was AFC, but your instincts are good, you handled it better than a lot of people

Keep your confidence, your weekend plan is good too

Except - tone down the language of her checking up on you, anything like that has to be CLEARLY teasing, right now you run the risk of it Escalating and going in to definitions and rules of contact etc, like your last conversation which you wanna avoid entirely

Give her somewhat vague and fun answers, out with the boys spreading your fame or something, then move into your discussion, too bad you aren't out we could have some fun.... Or whatever

Really tho I think you're solid, your instincts are right just follow them and don't fall into an afc trap

So the weekend plan didn't go ahead, as she didn't text me =/ damn.

Probably a good thing my phone died just before midnight so I couldn't drunk text, plus I was texting girl X explicits so probably good on that front too - her boyfriend wouldn't be happy.


Definitely getting harder to stop going AFC, I must say. Think maybe I expected her to text/be making effort - got to stay out of the AFC trap!

Not much to report besides her drunk texting me Friday night saying she "Hated people and asked how I was?" So as I was awake (worked the late shift so my body clock was out) So I said I was ok, then in the morning she said "only ok??" guessing she wants/expects me to be miserable

So I joked I can be a higher state of being if she wished then asked if I had gone to my mates yet for the weekend drinking, said she had tremendous fun on her night out (trying to make me jealous?) and asked how my night out with girl X was as the pics have appeared on Facebook (couple of her kissing me on the cheek and dancing)

So I said that "It was good, there was other people there you know =P" as I'm stating to think girl X may be ruining my game as she posts on my wall a lot so the ex might be thinking I've jumped into bed already (Can guarantee the ex will be saying she can't be bothered or something to her housemate)

And that's where the convo ended on Saturday morning. Got a feeling her housemate is stopping her texting me, i'm still going no contact but i'd reply and be fun if she got in touch Just getting harder to not go AFC, starting to think she wants me to get in touch etc! Need game!

So, here's an update for those reading this thread or curious about break-up game, also any PUA advice on the following statement is welcome:

"I thought you knew I wanted you to win me back"

This completely threw me, and according to my female friends it means exactly what it says. So the game appears to be working, albeit taking a unexpected route, as she wants to be won over and give the relationship another go.

Obviously I'm not going to AFC out and buy her loads of stuff and be a doormat to win her over, might be time to throw some teasing, flirting and Escalating into the mix.

Any advice on where to take it from here as I'm expecting the meet up to happen soon, would it be bad to initiate it? I haven't seen her for 3 weeks now, she's making it sound like it is my job get things back on track but I still need some power in this as I'm not going to bow to her demands.

She also said she intends to come to my new flat and mark her territory, im guessing this is a good thing!

But she has gotten snippy and angry at me the last couple of nights, mainly because I didn't tell her I was going out - but it's what you get when you give me one word answers (no reply from me) so I called her on it, not looking for an arguement mind.

Any PUA advice on where to take this next is most welcome