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  1. #1
    A_Steal is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Touchy situation with an ex

    So I'll try to be fairly detailed so that everyone can get the just of the situation. I have been fairly exposed to the PUA community for a few years now. Anyways, I had been friends with this girl for about 5 years. We were close friends, then last April we became really close. In June we started dating. Everything was going great. I fell for her, and she told me she had fallen for me. Then right after thanksgiving she just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. I behaved rather AFC after a few days of not hearing from her, and after awhile she sent me a text saying we couldn't be together anymore. When I asked why she said she didn't love me. Then she asked me to leave her alone. I remained in the AFC state of mind for a few days and still kept trying to talk to her to figure out what had happened. Eventually I learned and stop talking to her like a smart man would do. Then one of my former friends, who is now in rehab for cocaine abuse, started really harassing her about everything. The guy didn't really have any boundaries and wouldn't leave her alone for like a month or so. Finally she ended up forwarding a few emails of his to me. I apologized to her for his behavior and eventually got him to quit. Shortly after that I went to rehab for alcohol abuse. I am sober now and my life has really turned around. The issue is, I play in a music group that frequently requires me to go to and gig at a night club that she works at. I will be resuming my work with them next month. I don't necessarily want my ex back. I would date her again under the right conditions because she was a genuinely interesting person, but that isn't really the goal. The thing is, I know that I am going to be seeing her around. We haven't actually spoken since the break up. I don't know if she will talk to me at all, or if everything will be just fine. I would like some advice on how to approach her when I see her though. Playing at the club she works at and having to see her all the time if we aren't talking to each other could be rather uncomfortable. I never called her names or got pissed off at her. So that isn't an issue. I was just a little pushy when she wanted to leave, and my former friend who did call her names and was a total jerk to her could have cause big issues.

  2. #2
    Bobbeybouchet is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Touchy situation with an ex

    Sounds like your intentions are sound enough.

    You didn't do anything wrong in the moral sense and you sorted the problem out with the other guy.

    If you look at my post which is currently the top thread you will see that I'm definitely no expert at handling breakups but I do know a lot about generic conflict avoidance. I suggest on of two things ~

    1) Send her a brief text or email hoping that she's well and explaining that you'll be playing at her club very soon. Explain that the reason you're sending the email is because you wanted to show that there are no hard feelings between the two of you and you didn't want her to feel awkward when you got there.

    2) Don't contact her prior. simply turn up, if you happen to make eye contact then give a polite nod, wave in her direction and get on with the gig.

    Has to be said I personally prefer no.1 but thats just me.

  3. #3
    A_Steal is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Touchy situation with an ex

    Thanks man. I mean I do still like her, and we were friends for a really long time but between me trying to talk to her after she left and my ex friend being a total jerk to her I'm not certain how mad she is at me. It has been awhile so hopefully she has just let it go and we can be in the same places without confrontation. I don't really know what's up with her these days or anything, so she could still be rather bitter. She was a firecracker... that's for sure. I'll try your first approach though. I'll shoot her a message just saying what's up and giving her a heads up that I may be around in the future and stuff. I really would like to at least get back to a point where talking to her isn't weird. I'm not sore about anything, and like I said, I'm not doing all this just to get her back. It would be nice, but if it never happened I wouldn't be overly heart broken.


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