Help me with breakup - long though

Hi everyone, as the title says - Here's a summary

HER
I was in a relationship for 18 months with a girl who was physically and sexually the best partner I've had. We had lots in common on got on well. The problem was that she had a lot of childhood trauma and because of this she's quite insecure and afraid of commitment... I was her first love. Before me she'd end relationships if she thought she was getting feelings for people. We did have a few hitches throughout the relationship. I always gave her space and acted sensibly and we'd sort things out.

US
Things progressed to the point of us discussing moving in but I never pushed the issue although did acknowledge what she hoped for.

For several months before we broke up we started to bicker more and she used to blame herself and started saying I deserved better and that she was a sh1t girlfriend and that she’d proved she’s rubbish at relationships. She also thinks I want to do the whole 2.4 children thing and settle down. I am honestly easy about it, I've been married before. Now I'd just rather take the companionship and be with someone I love and who loves me back, I’m not in search of settling down.

THE BREAKUP
Anyway, I acted like a complete and total AFC of the worst kind. I just couldn't allow distance between us. She said she'd have pangs of wanting me back and would be almost picking up the phone but would then stop herself. She still loves me and she misses me but she just keeps saying she can’t get over this issue in her head and come back to me.

I've sent her letters, texts and called her explaining my feelings and she's never rejected it, she's always said she loves the nice words and that it means a lot.

Last week she sent me a letter saying that although she loved me, she needed to move on as she couldn't get over these issues in her head. I replied by asking if by needing to move she meant sleeping with other People. I have a huge problem with this, it hurts so bad and I graphically imagine her doing the things she did with me with some other guy and it tears me apart. She got really upset with what I said and was offended.
The next day I checked the dating site we met on and she was on there. I texted her and she got really upset, said it was nothing and that she had been trying to prove to herself what a fool she'd been, that she hoped that if she saw other guys being jerks it would make her realise she'd made a big mistake.
By this point I was totally insecure and did the worst thing ever... I hacked into her mail account. I found that she had been sending messages to guys introducing herself. Nothing more than that but it hurt as I could see she'd been doing this why telling me she was confused about us. To her credit I did find a message from about 3 weeks prior explaining to one guy who wanted to meet her exactly her reason for being on there, which was the same as she told me.
Where it came to head was that I called her up (for a begging call) and asked her if she had approached anyone on the site, I asked her 3 times and she said no. That night I went on the site and made a profile and she went mental. She said she was hurt and we had a really nasty argument over email and said some really hurtful things. I admitted to hacking her account and accused her of not wanting me and not wanting anyone else to have me. She replied admitting to messaging other guys but said she'd never met anyone and had no intention to. She also admitted she wanted no one else to have me.
Yesterday she sent an email asking to meet somewhere mutual so that I can collect the rest of my things off her, she said she wanted us "not to contact each other and see what happens". She also said "as hard as it will be we need to forget to each other". To me this is the proper end but I want her back so bad. I've farked up, I've been clingy and I blew it. I've looked at get your ex back guides but I think we're past the stage of giving her 4 weeks without contact?? I sent her an email yesterday saying "I agree, this is so hard but I understand"
Today she text "Hope you're ok, didn’t mean to upset u anymore yesterday" I replied "Yeah I'm ok hun. Hope you are too x" she replied "cool yeah alright ta x"

I am not texting her unless in reply to her but I think this is too late.

I'm going to have one last meeting to collect my things and with the place she's suggested it gives us an opportunity to walk her dog (if she brings it) and go for a coffee at a cafe

Is there any chance? She still loves me and she's hurt by what I did and said in the argument and I'm also hurt to. We do both still love each other.... Opinions and help is really appreciated.

I had a pretty similar relationship last, girl haunted by her past and it caused us no end of problems. Ended up she left me 2 months after we'd moved in together and I tried the whole letter thing, poured my heart out and it didn't work. It seems to me if a girl has made her mind up it's hard to sway by keeping contact and being nice. I found rather than obsessing over her it helped more to walk away with my dignity and understand that if she's willing to put you through this, then she's not someone who is worth having in your life. It's the hardest thing to stop the texting and there's no worse feeling than heartbreak, but you have to know where to draw the line on fighting to get someone back, as if you don't do it tactfully enough you'll become her personal doormat if you do end up back together. Hacking her email and all that stuff wont do you any favours though mate. Your best bets to be blunt "Do you want me or not?" If she doesn't commit to it then neither should you, relationships should be 50/50 or they just don't work.

Thanks man. Things have moved on a bit since then. I've not intimated contact for a while now and she does text often to find out how I am and stuff. She says she hasn't slept with anyone and she says she hasn't met anyone who compares to me. She also says she has pangs of thinking she's made the wrong decision. All her mates even ones who haven't met me are telling her she might be giving up something really good and to think carefully.

I'm going away for 2 weeks so I'll be scarce, she asked me to let her know I'm okay whilst I'm away. This will be only time I initiate contact in the next 4 weeks. I'm just going to carry on following the ex2 system and if she hasn't contacted for a meet up within 2 weeks of me being home I'll give it one last throw of the dice and see if she wants to catch up.

i agree with sullym on the whole email front. i did the same with my ex's facebook and i never once benefit from it. if you ever get the urge again, just ask yourself 'will it actually make me feel any better about things?'. the answer will always be no.

hope it all works out mate, i'm rooting for you!

How to Get Your Ex Back and Win Their Heart Again!

We miss out on alot of good opportunities by just accepting things and

giving up, instead of fighting for a chance to be happy forever. If you

fail, so be it, learn and move on a stronger person. But when we keep

accepting defeat, we can never learn and we will never truly identify

the source of the problem. I must stress that this online book is not only for

you to get back with your Ex but it also shows you how to stay together

and prepare you for other relationships.

I will say one thing though mate, my ex suffered a lot with her past experiences and I massively regret not getting her to go to a psychiatrist and confront those issues, because if not addressed it wont just cause you and her a whole world of trouble it will effect every relationship she has in the future, physical or not.

Wise words Sullym. I have encouraged her to see a counsellor in the past as have a lot of faith in the process when a good therapist is chosen.. his is where i think I'm being quite selfless.... If not me then it would be shame if her she can't find true happiness with someone else due to her inner barriers.

PUA Forums will help you a great deal. The guys on here offer free advice and it is spot on. It's a great community.

Very true bud! On the flip side it takes a decent heart break to realise your a man, you may well work it out and all the best on doing so, but if it doesn't work out think of it as an opportunity as much as you can. Things always happen for a reason!

I'm going through something worse than this...I've been trying to collect myself and it's really painful especially watching her from a far and the distance between us, I really wish I could Get Her Back and rewind everything back. I love her to death, I know in PUA Jargon that's a forbidden line, you don't say that at all. But to me, I've spent so much time with her and devoted so many things. We broke up on our 11th month and right now her feelings are all mixed up, she said she needs a month or two to sort things out within herself. I'm deteriorating at a rapid rate knowing that I couldn't do anything atm but wait. I need help man. Badly.