The big list of DLV on Facebook

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

Two of my past FB statuses:

Who loves you more, your dog or your girlfriend? Your dog. Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car and wait an hour. Who's still happy to see you when you let them out?

I locked the keys in my car in front of the abortion clinic. When I went inside and said I needed help they asked me if I wanted to speak to the doctor. I said "No, just give me a wire coat hanger and I'll take care of it myself." They gave me the weirdest look...

Oh, and since Xavier's posting sexist jokes, here's another one:

A female friend came to me with a problem. She said "My boyfriends always telling me to go make him a sandwich. Whats a good comeback I can use when he says that?" To which I replied "Uh, if I were you I'd come back with a farkin' sandwich."

when will women be equal to men?
when they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly and still think they are sexy