The big list of DLV on Facebook

Hey bro's i thought since Sitfab started a list of status update dhv and he and i are mortale enemies (kidding the guy's helped me with a lot plus we've never met) i thought it would be funny if i start a list of dlv status updates and i want all of u guys to chip in write the funniest and stupidest status updates u've seen or can think of:
_ I am dark and handsome. When it’s dark, I’m handsome.
_ If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.
_When I say "wow, that’s crazy", 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
_A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
_"Magnets destroy credit cards." Not nearly as much as happy hours and women.
_Sex burns up 350 calories each time. Please help me, I’m on a diet.
_A married man should forget his mistakes; There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
_Dijon vu: the feeling you’ve had this mustard before.
_Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
_I wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.
_Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
_Everyone has that one friend you just can’t bring anywhere cause they always embarrass you. If you can’t think of who that friend is, it’s you.

hahaha, most of those are actually very funny!

Hahaha Xavier, cool sarcarstic jokes

Whats the difference between a woman and a job, the job still sucks after 10 yrs

I kinda liked them too. But then, I'm obviously not female.

Check this one : I have the smallest weener on Facebook

So i'm curious as to how you are supposed to use FB status to dhv. I mean I can see it working to a point, but wouldn't multiple interactions during a certain period, or multiple smaller periods be sufficient to DHV ?

of course yes but what about the girl u wanted to go out with in high school but were too shy to ask out?, what about the girl that u thought was smoking hot but was going out with u're friend? how r u going to get their attention again?

Completely get this one. I guess I have never been to keen on trying a direct pickup on facebook, as I prefer in-person myself. I guess it would be a trick though to get them to stop their busy lives long enough to make time for you.

status update...."im bored does anyone wanna come play xbox, wait i forgot i can just play with myself."