Your thoughts: Am I "dead in the water" with this one? Comebacks?

So here is the story thus far. Over at the local college met this girl in my class. Have had about 5 or 6 classes so far. Got her number two weeks ago. I did this by getting her away from the "class" group by getting her to go to the drink machine. Bought her a water (which she got me back for the next class) and she hugged me being all happy. Touched her on the lower back since some touching was going on then got the number. She told me she was surpised I didn't ask for her number sooner. I didn't say this to her but I got to admit I might have if she didn't leave class early so much to go to work. So, I ask her to go out and do something and she said her schedule is super busy and won't have time until wednesday two weeks later (that wednesday is tomorrow). I told her I don't plan that far ahead but maybe we could work something out.

Pausing the story for a second here, my style is to not ask for numbers if I know I am going to be seeing the girl again somewhere such as the next class. So generally, I will ask them to do something with me and then get the number so I already have a reason in advance to talk to them on the phone. To me, just getting a number for the sake of getting a number is pointless to me unless you feel you will not see them again otherwise.

Back to the story, I text her on the weekend and she tells me she is working on homework and gym. Blah blah blah. I ask her to get some coffee with me and she says she will if she has time. This is a clue to me that something must have gone wrong or maybe she is just legitimately busy.

Fast forward to yesterday. We text a few messages. She tells me she is busy with homework then gym. Blah Blah. I ask her what gym she goes to and tell her I'm looking to take martial arts classes. She tells me they don't offer MA at her gym so I tell her most don't and then ask her in the same text if she would like to get together on her next day off (I know her day off is on Tuesday or Wednesday this week). Then the line goes dead. No response.

I know the rule is do not text back until you get a reply. I will be seeing her later this week in class. I feel I have at least a chance for a comeback (or to get back on track).

Any suggestions? Thoughts? Am I working too much on this one?

Just my 2 cents here. This sounded like me before entering this PUA forum and learning about Mystery and the Natural style. I think the mistake you've made here was giving her too much attention. I asked the girl I liked before 3 times to go out with me and she kept telling me she has dance classes and homework.. yadi yadi ya. If you hold it any tighter than it already is, she feels you're too easy and will lose interest. Try to relax a little and be a bit more laid back. Then, when you guys meet tell her more about parts of your life that would make her feel that she's missed out on. This is where the attraction can be rebuilt.

I think you are right that I need to just relax and be a little more laid back.

Got an update here:

So she texts me earlier today saying she does not have days off lol ... and that she fell asleep in the parking lot at the gym around 6 yesterday from allergy meds and that she decided to call it a day.

haha whatever...I find her timing a little unusual cuz she has told me she usually wakes up around 2pm so this would be very early for her to be texting me...I think I am gonna wait a few hours and text her back playing off her lines a bit

lol.. you haven't seen the worse yet. I remember I called the girl I liked before (Let's call her exHB for sake of referencing) and she would tell me that she's busy doing homework when I can clearly hear the TV running in the background. If it sounds illogical then she's probably pushing you back at this point. This means either she's begun losing interest in you or you're moving too fast. Good luck. I hope you win her back.

Next time she texts you about wanting to get together 'sometime', but how she is busy, you just need to tell her, that your very busy and you don't have time for her bs. Tell her to text you when she is ready to make an effort. Hopefully that will bring her around.

I like this idea. How much time do you think I should give before attempting to push it to a "closeout"?

I wouldn't push at all. If she doesn't pay any attention to you even when you say this, chances are, it's not going to workout even if you push it. In this case, let it go and try to find someone else.

^ Spoken like a true PUA...

That's definitely the correct advice.

This kinda goes with your other main thread Incognito. You don't want to appear as if you are supplicating or needy. If she doesn't want to give you the time of day, or she keeps flaking, you need to call her on that BS. If she doesn't realize that she needs to prove herself to you (because as a PUA you are a selective, high value man, and obviously would never take low hanging fruit, because you have values), then you drop her. There are other fish in the sea.

If you're thinking right now that the part in the parenthesis isn't you, you're missing the point. That is what you need to become, and what image you need to always project.

Just saw your posts and I have an update from last night:

To make the story short...things went good in class we had some good conversation...after class got out we are walking together and I ask her to go out....(my motto has been to always keep going until you get a "no")....so then shes says something like 'you can't wait to go out with me?'....feeling like this a loaded question with no correct answer I reply back 'Remember (insert girl's name here) there are other fish in the sea. What am I suppose to do? Wait until I'm dead?'....lol.... this appeared to have moved a gear in her head...she told me she wanted to go out with me and we worked out a day and a time....

We talked for a few more mins and she told me her birthday is on Tuesday....blah blah.....I proceed to leave and she asks me to text her and I tell her I will text her soon...I get in the car and already have a text waiting...I respond then start driving in traffic...I look down at my phone and see I have 4 texts in a row waiting from her (she never sends that many in a row)


So responding to your posts:

If she ends up flaking on me I am gonna use that line gunglory...."I'm very busy and if you are gonna be a flake I don't have time for that bs." ....this way i can forget about her and push her out of my mind

They way you asked her out was a bit weak. I am willing to lay money on the fact that she flakes in the future. You are actually worse off than before. She took a physical, one - on - one conversation and down graded it to text game and a future group setting. She isn't interested in you, she is either wants to let you down nice, or throw you in the friends bin.

Sorry that sounds rough, but unless I am missing some facts, that's the situation. You just fell for the nice guy treatment hook, line, and sinker.

I didn't quite understand gunsnglory's post at first, but re-reading the way you told the story incognito, it seems like she's able to root out that you're desperate for a date. In this case, she's got the upper hand at that point. It didn't matter too much what you said after to try to save yourself.

Here's what I think: If a girl is dying to be with you, the first time she should've said yes like instantly. If you ask the second time (I'm assuming on a different day) and she says "no" again, then that's a bad indicator. If I was in your shoes, I would ask her once and if she says "I'm busy" or some BS like that I'd say "ok, np, I'll go with (insert another girl's name here) then". That will show her more obviously that you've other options. If she changes her mind then, you can then turn the tables and say "oh so you wanna go out with me now?" That would make a whole lot of difference.

Again, if she doesn't respond the way I've written above and instead says something like "ok" then you've lost her and it's time to move on.

I hope gunsnglory will come back to see this post. I'm currious to know why if incognito's been place on the friend's list, she would suddenly send 4 txt msgs to him? Isn't that giving him illusions that he still has a chance? what's the point of it?

Her question about, "You can't wait to go out with me?" Means he is pretty much screwed, especially if you don't handle that type of question correctly. That isn't the time to ask the girl on a date. The four texts happened in the past, and sound to me to be mostly shit tests. The girl wanted to see if he would be man enough to stand up to her, and if he had other things to do. The correct response was to call her on that crap, and also let her know that he had other things to do, when she started to do that. Instead he just kept trying to set up new things with her. He accepted her bs excuses. Unfortunately, in a perfect world, a woman should recognize nice guys like Incognito, because they are obviously careing, loyal men. The world doesn't work like that. Women blow them off completely or make them into friends. I learned that, very much the hard way, once upon a time.

This is the most weirdest things I've come across in life. women complain about how much of a jerk the guy she's with and yet, they love it! Unfortunately, guys like us have a hard time changing from being a nice guy (in hopes they would see us attractive) to this jerkish attitude.

Incognito, it's been a good run. I'd highly recommend going for another target.

Women don't want jerks. They want men who are masculine. Men who know what they want, and go for it. Men who don't fall apart emotionally when things don't work out, but move on. Men who can be secure when they hang out with other men, friends and such. Men who will make a move. All of those qualities either exist, or appear to exist in your average jerk, jock stereotype. The difference is that those men accomplish it, not because they are necessarily secure, but because they devalue women, and could care less what women think. Go back through that list I just posted, and you'll see exactly what I mean. You almost can't blame women for it when you really understand what is going on.