Facebook Opener

Hey guys, I was just wondering... Is it better to send a girl a message on facebook before or after you send her a friend request?
Its a lot easier opening her up if you have mutual friends.. but what if there are no mutual friends? What can you say to her exactly that will open her up on both occasions(before you send a friend request and after you send a friend request(this is after she accepts ofcourse))???

p.s if there are any books out there that discuss online openers please hit me up!

if you want to learn about online game read the matchbook method. its a great resource. in short, friend request shows you are too interested. you gotta message back and forth until she friend request you.