Goofing up indeed

Boy did I goof up. At least I think I did.

Been dating this girl for a while, shes been into me forever. She thought we were going to enter a serious relationship together, so we stopped things. She wanted to have fun and enjoy her life more before committing herself, but she does want a serious relationship with me in the future. However, I wasn't going to "wait" for her.

We remained close friends that acted like a couple. Nothing to complain there, friends with benefits, even though she didn't want to kiss cause she was worried we would enter a relationship......so more like cuddle buddies. Fun.

Lately I told her that I was moving on. A day or two afterwards she comes up to me with the same argument - she was moving on. She has a habit of repeating stuff I do. Like I don't log in yahoo messenger for a day, and the next day she doesn't log in.

Trying to save atleast the cuddling part (I really want something to happen with her, though not onetites. Dammit im becoming needy.), I told her that I really liked her. I never say this kind of stuff so she was touched, apparently she only thought I wanted her to satisfy my physical needs. She always complained that she was confused about us. She admitted her feelings for me too and agreed to remain as we were. However I still want the other physical stuff.

Any advice? I froze her out a couple of times before. They worked, but she would later come complaining about her confusion again.

Do you know what you want out of it? Your post sounds like you're a little unsure.

Sorry about that, I wrote it at 3 in the morning.

Well what I really want is a relationship, but apparently she doesn't want one yet. The next best thing would be full friends with benefits.

OK this is getting a little bit outside the pickup game and more into the relationship realm, but here goes my theory.

You either want a LTR with this girl or you wanna be FBs. You will drive yourself absolutely crazy if you're being FBs bu you want something more meaningful, because you're going to get crushed. It's basically putting yourself in the wrong frame. I don't think the advice for guys is much different than the advice for girls on this one - don't settle for less than you want. Here's the key question to ask yourself if you can be FB's ... can you handle it if you go out one night and see her making out with some dude in a corner? Can she tell you about farking some guy all night long without you getting jealous? If the answer isn't yes for both of you the FB thing won't work. If the answer is no for both of you, why not try a relationship. With one yes and one no, the person with the yes is in trouble because there's no power balance.

Best advice here is to let that one go. You're not going to really be able to move on while you're trying to halfway have a relationship with her. If it's just about getting physical needs met, go find you another one. As for her wanting to eventually end up with you, that rarely happens because she'll change, you'll change, and the dynamic will change. The only way that kind of thing ends up working is when you run into each other a few years later and strike something back up (and mostly that doesn't). As Mystery said, it's much easier to pick up a new girl then to fix something when it breaks.

You are letting her control the terms. You are supposed to control this. You are at her whim in regards to a relationship, you're giving her the sole choice, it's not mutual or up to you at this point, it's up to her, and you gave away your power. I know this is sounding super David Deangelo'ish, but he is good with this stuff. You should have gave her one shot in the past - relationship or nothing. Don't give her time to screw other guys and stuff before she gets into a relationship with you, that sucks. How would an LTR hold her back from doing anything else? You will find a much more stable, decisive girl in the future, with the looks to boot, so no worries.

You guys are right, enough with the bullsh1t.

I'm going to confront her once and for all. If I get rejected, no problem. If not, yay.

Cheers and thanks.