List Of sh1t-Test Comebacks

Hi guys. So here's a list of sh1t-test comebacks I've compiled.

However, keep in mind that many sh1t tests aren’t meant to be answered but they are merely meant to provoke an apologetic response from Betas.

Feel free to contribute and/or give feedback.

HB: I have a boyfriend
You: Wow, we really are connected. I just met you and your already telling me your problems. I'm here for you... Keep going. (Tilt head and look empathetic)
You: Cool, he can buy the first round.
You: That's fine,you got somebody to give you attention, while I'm busy.
You: That’s OK, I’m not the jealous type.
You: That wasn't what i asked.
You: Whoa, chill. Who said I'm your boyfriend?
You: I'm not your boyfriend...yet.
You: Me too! Lets compare.
You: Then we'll be discrete. (Mystery)
You: Want another?
You: So does my girlfriend.
You: Are you allowed to talk to other men without his permission?
(Multi-liner)
You: Hey, my dog can juggle.
Her: What?
You: Oh, i thought we were talking about sh1t that didn't matter.

HB: What do you do?
You: I'm a disposable lighter salesman.
You: Well... I'm not trying to impress you or anything... but... I'm Batman.
You: Nothing. I quit drugs years ago.
You: Define “do”
You: I’m not allowed to tell you that
You: The real question is... What don't i do.
You: White slave trade.
You: Brunettes, mostly.
You: I play Russian roulette with blanks.

Aren't you a player?
[Be careful of over qualifying yourself when she asks you this. Good answer if she is seriously concerned: "I used to be, but those days are behind me."]
You: Nope. And you just lost 5 cool points for even thinking that.
You: Nah, I'm the coach
You: World's biggest. One billion served.
You: No, I haven't played football in over a year.
You: Yes, I'm a professional scrabble player
You: Why? Are you attracted to that kind of guy?

HB: You're weird.
You: I never claimed to be like other guys.
You: Define normal?
You: You too... Its cute, but to normal. Everyone is different, therefor everyone is weird.
You: And your the same as everyone else? Look your cute and all, but beauty isn't everything... and you seem kind of boring.
You: I'm limited edition! (Florg)

HB: You're a jerk!
You: I'm sorry. I'm just really stressed out from my aunt dying. Im sorry for taking it out on you.
You: It was just a joke...
You: I'm sorry, i went on a trip to Chicago(or any other mean city) and i haven't quite got out of their social patterns. forgive me.
You: Stop yelling at me for being honest! Girls always say they want an honest guy, then when i try to be one... you yell at me. Girls are so full of it! (Walk off)

HB: fark you.
You: Please do.
You : Oooh, sexy bunghole ravaging
You: Not ever on your birthday
You: *pat her on the shoulder* We all have fantasies
You: What, like, right now?
You: At least buy me dinner first.
You: Actually, I'm good for now. But I can call you later if you want.
You: Is that all you wanted from me? Wow. I don't even wanna see your face anymore. (Leave)

HB: Do you think I’m cute?
Hold on. Let me get another drink.

HB: Why are you talking to me?
Oh, I forgot there was a no-talking policy here

*She asks you to do something such as get something for her, do her a favour, carry something, buy her a drink, etc*
- I think you have me confused with every other guy you’ve met.
- Does this always work for you?
- *if for example she asks you to give her the bag of chips/bottle of soda/whatever is edible and drinkable, do it, pretend you're giving it to her but right before she takes it out of your hand, take it back and start eating/drinking it.

HB: Are you gay?
No, but my boyfriend is.

HB: Why are you talking to me?

Because I find it's easier to talk to average girls

@ simpua : Unless you are talking with a HB10, they might get offended. Worse, it can come off as a dlv.

Her : ( pretty much every "neg" "tease" or whatever )
You : Did someone make that up for you?!

The boyfriend ones are easy. I joke when they mention them in friendly settings. It's the simple no or awkward stare that I need to overcome. lol

i good boyfriend come back that i use is

"you look like the type of girl that could use two"
and
"dont worry, he'll cook for us"

"don't worry, he'll cook for us" - haha brilliant! gonna use that one next time!

I heard this somewhere else...

Her- Either she says "Fark you" or says something sexually related.

You- Your gonna have to wine n' dine me more before that happens

Her: Fark you
Response: Can I borrow your lipstick? I like to look pretty before I get farked.

Not sure if it'll work but its hilarious. From the mouth of Cartman. Perhaps if she watches South Park, she'll think its funny.