Improving DHV's

What up guys, I need help with making my story more attractive, it's kinda funny but I feel it needs some improvements to make girls more interested, what kind of dhv spikes I should incorporate etc. Here it is

omg thr funniest thing happened to me yesterday, I was at a frat party with my friends just chillin, and at the end when we were about leave my real good friend Jay comes up to me super freaked out, and tells me he got jacked! he shows me that somebody cut his jacket pockets and he cant find his keys and wallet, so we go on a mission to retrieve his stolen goods, couple mins later some guy comes to us and says to Jay – dude you wearing my jacket! – Jay a bit drunk goes on a rant starts saying that it’s bs and it’s his jacket, and how the world is not fair etc, lol, and he goes on like that for like 10min. People gather, im holdinhg him make sure he doesnt do stupid stuff. And then he looks at the pile of coats in the back of tha room, stops and outa nowheresays… oh, there’s my jacket!!! everybody in the room just busting up laughing lol we find his keys and wallet and everybody leaves in a great mood.

never start with "omg"... you are a guy.

secondly, your story is about a stupid dude... dhv spikes is how YOU increase value .. usually with women...

thirdly, the story is kind of long, keep it short.

ideas... make up a story about
- helping out a random grandmother who slipped on ice.
- how an abusive boyfriend was ready to knock the sh1t out of his gf and you stepped in and controlled the setting.
- how you felt bad for the homeless woman and bought her a hot dog.

these make you look like a whole hearted hero.

anyone else want to add some DHV stories?

I already know this one isn't good for girls you just met, because its too long (and has vomit in it)- but people seem to like it once I know them a little. It's mostly true, and it dips to dlv mid-story to pick up dhv in the end (I think..):

So I heard about a Taco Challenge at Spicy Mike's. Supposedly the hottest tacos in the region. The guy who told me about it said after he puked the spice in his breath burned his eyes. Fun right?

So me and a couple work buddies head to Spicy Mike's. When we get in there, on the wall is a list of successes and failures, with 20 failures and 4 successes. I liked those odds! So they sit me down and put a Sombrero on me. The tacos come out and they pour globs of habanero over it. I take my first bite, and just to be a cocky son of a bitch I look up to the guy who served me the food and say "Could use some spice.."

Two bites in, something hits me. It's not even spicy and this point.. it just feels like something powerful has just entered my system. I keep eating, and the spiciness kicks in. And it is getting worse by the second. I get through my second taco, and my mouth literally stops working - as if to say "fark you, I'm done."

Now, I didn't want to give up that easily. So I'm trying to force this sh1t into my mouth, and the heat just gets worse and worse. Eventually I hit that point where I know it's coming out. I rush to the bathroom and a jet of red liquid flows into toilet.

At this point, I'm done with the contest. I head back to the table and chew on crushed ice for 20 mins - then we decide to bail. As we head to the cab, I call shotgun. Now we went there with a dude I don't really like. And he just jumps in the front seat.

I pull open the front door of the cab and say 'ordinarily I wouldn't give a fark, but my stomach is half-full of habanero sauce and I called shotgun. Get in the back. He looks at me and says "no".

Whatever. So I get in the back and he mentions how his friend Jay did the taco challenge and said afterwards it was the worst pain he ever experienced. Then he calls him a bitch.

I say "Man, you're a bitch. I bet you 100$ on the Taco Challenge - You said you would, got super cocky about it, then pussied out."

We trade a few lines then I say "Look, this is pointless and stupid, lets drop it." He keeps talking. I let one line slide if he is that desperate to have the last word. Then he keeps talking. "Okay," I think "Time to destroy his night."

"Man, I can tell this is really making you mad. I bet life sucks when you're that emotional." By this point, he wants to fight. I tell him "We're in a moving vehicle - are you retarded?" But he really wants to fight. So he swings back to me and tries to grab me. I pull his head down and just start popping him on the side of the face. The cab driver swerves and starts yelling in Arabic. Jay, the guy reaching towards me, rears back and I kick him forward. I say something simple like "That's right bitch."

Two minutes of extremely awkward silence later he turns to another friend in the backseat. "Man I don't know where Marbles gets off talking to me that way." "Oh I'm sorry," I say, imitating his voice, "I'm just trying to have a private conversation while the person who just kicked my ass is sitting right next to me."

"Man you better shut the fark up!"

"(still imitating him) I think I'm bad ass because I'm from New York - but I just got my ass KICKED by a pasty white boy!" (Not sure if that's a double-edged sword of DLV and DHV or what)

"I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy that way!" he shouts.

"sh1t, this isn't how I would talk to my worst enemy. You're far more peripheral than him."

Eventually we get home and I pass the cab driver an extra $10 for dealing with us. I go to sleep still feeling a bit of that Habanero burn, but I wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Then I go to the bathroom to take a piss, and it burns.