Texting Do’s & Don’ts: “The Conversational Bible”
When it comes to texting/ messaging, a lot of people underestimate the power & full potential that you have at your fingertips. Your phone can make, or break your chances of getting a date, or even just getting a woman to respond back to your texts.
What is texting? I mean REALLY? Well, just like email, or chatting, or even verbally talking to someone face to face; TEXTING is a form of communication. That means, your phone is capable of allowing you to express your thoughts, feelings & ideas, just as well as any other way.
If you think back on the most memorable conversations you’ve had throughout your life, you’ll probably notice a common theme; the ones you remember most vividly had an emotional connection of some sort.
Whether those emotions were humor, happiness, sadness, fear, nervousness, anticipation, elation etc…. they trigged a response in your brain & caused you to “feel” something. (This is critically important to remember, if you want to have the best success with your text game!)
Why? Well, it’s because women react to situations & make decisions emotionally; unlike men who use the logical part of their brain. This is what creates the chasm that men have been trying to bridge, for generations after generations after generations…
I’m creating this guide with the aim of helping you understand HOW to create the most effective text messages in order to get the responses you want from women, as well as WHY you need to change the way you’ve previously been using your phone to communicate with them.
(I’ll also be including some of my own real life interactions as examples, so you can see how to apply them to your conversations.)
Being creative, interesting, humorous & fun is the key to mastering your text game, and achieving the results you want, the next time you send a text to that girl you’ve got your eye on.
So, let’s get started!!!
Sending the first texts : How to compel her to respond.
So, you have the girl’s number & you’re ready to send her a text. (But are you really ready?) Do you ask yourself; “What do I say? How should I phrase my wording? Should I ask her a question?”
Before you start typing on the keypad, think about whether or not your text is going to have an emotional effect. The BEST first texts are always the ones to make her laugh.
If you normally send girls messages saying, “Hey what’s up?” or “How are you doing?” or “Hi, how was your day?” etc… STOP!! Smack yourself on the hand, and promise to NEVER do that again.
How does it make you feel when you read those? Most likely, completely unaffected. So guess how SHE is going to react… Do you think it’s enough to make her want to respond? NOPE!
The secret to sending a bangin’ first text is to use something you already know about her or something you already talked to her about.
For instance: If she mentioned that she LOVES movies & TV shows about paranormal stuff, you could text her something like:
“Hey ghost girl, I hope you’re in good spirits today ;-)” It’s just a quick, fun text to say hello… instead of saying “how are you?” Or “How’s your day?” It’s the playful vibe that she’s going to remember, and the added *nickname will make her smile. (*more about nicknames later)
Here are a few more examples of fun, flirty, silly, totally random texts you could use, to get her smiling & make here WANT TO text you back: (I JUST sent this one to my GF moments ago while I’m here at work.)
ME: “10:00 Break… sunshine + humidity = uncomfortable.”
HER: “Just wait. This evening things are going to get even hotter But won’t be so uncomfortable!”
ME: “Wow! You would be the most amazing meteorologist… (and sexiest too!) ”
HER: “Well, you should see tomorrow’s forecast! “
(See how this was more effective than if I would’ve said “hey, just wanted to check on you & see how your morning is. Talk to you later” ?)
Here are some other ideas: (These are actual texts I’ve sent at one time or another)
“A basket of puppies & an ice cold beer … I could use ONE of these things right now.”
“Hey chicken little, it’s lunchtime. FOOD CHECK! Send me a pic of what you’re eating.”
“Hmmm do you smell that? It’s trouble… I hope you’re looking forward to it ”
“Ugh! Rush hour.. people playing bumper cars on the interstate. Be there ASAP”
“This Friday me & you.. g-string showdown! Bring you’re a-game! ”
“Ahhh ice cream… nothing sweeter on a day like this. (except your lips!) Can’t wait til later!”
“FYI, I feel like a mad-scientist today… are you feelin like a super-hero?”
“hey what’s up? (THIS is NOT a text you’ll ever get from me, just so you know) ”
“what’s new puddy tat? Whoooooaaahhhh!! Where is this text going? – outie”
All of these are pretty much random nonsense, with only one goal in mind: “Make her laugh!” They don’t have to be “cool”, they don’t have to be “clever” (although in a sense, they kinda are) they don’t need to ask how she is, or what she’s doing… That’s not the point. We just want her to feel an emotional reaction when she opens her phone & reads our message. That’s all.
You can also stir up curiosity & suspense by sending a “cliff hanger” text. The purpose of that is to get her mind & emotions kick-started and her imagination working to create anticipation, drama, and uncertainty. They make great hooks that virtually guarantee she WILL respond.
Examples of “cliff hangers” would be:
“Hey little munchkin, you’ll never guess what happened…”
“Hey, I have a great idea…”
“Ohhh, if I had one wish right now, it would be...”
“So, I have to admit I’ve been thing about…”
“Oh jeeeez! I can’t believe it…”
“So, I’m driving to work today & one thing kept going through my mind…”
All of these messages are designed to pique her curiosity & intrigue. Women just HAVE TO know stuff! And when they don’t know, it drives them crazy. In turn it affects her emotionally, which is the key to flipping her attraction switches. So using this technique will result in a very high success rate for getting her to respond to your texts.
How to ask her out / Setting the meeting:
So, you’ve been texting & getting her to respond. You understand the importance of NOT sending lifeless texts, but instead you’re creating fun & emotional messages. Now it’s time to set up a time & place to meet up. Don’t blow it here! If you go back to old habits of being “traditional” in asking her out, she’ll quickly lose interest.
If you text her anything remotely like this, smack yourself in the head with a small hammer: “So, I was wondering… if you’re not busy Saturday night, would you maybe want to go out?”
Seriously! That’s a No-No! Remember; think about how to speak to her on an emotional level. Get her attention with something unique & interesting. And by all means…. BE A MAN about asking her out & setting the “date”. No more of this timid, wussy approach.
You want to have a plan in mind ahead of time. Women LOVE plans & hate indecisiveness. Women love confidence & men who are sure of themselves. So when you text her about getting together; be sharp, have a plan, be confident & make the text itself FUN.
A little tip for these sort of texts is, use “*odd times”. So, instead of saying 7:00 or 7:30, tell her 7:11, or 8:03 etc.
(*I started using this technique after reading about it in two other amazing text game guides – b4utxther & HOW2TXTHER you should check those out too! They go into even more detail about texting game)
One quick note about the “odd time” technique: It works because it’s silly & stands out. She’ll notice it right away & laugh…. Plus she’ll remember it! (I mean really, WHO says “7:27” instead of 7:30??? YOU DO! Cool? Cool.)
Here are a few ways to text her when you want to meet up:
“Craving pizza! Roll with me this Fri @ 8:13 you’ll love their hand-tossed crust!”
“Sushi time... tomorrow 6:06 PM. you GOTTA try the yellowfin roll!! ”
“Hey my little dancin queen, new club opening tomorrow. Get your boogie shoes ready - Pick u up at 7:33 =)”
“Hey mamacita, margaritas Sat nite. Come to my place & we’ll roll @ 7:27 adios mi amiga!”
“Tomorrow - Hot, 95 & sunny… I’ll be poolside with a cold drink. Bring your sunscreen! “
“Aloha little mermaid, get your tail-fin ready cuz It’s beach time! I’ll get u @ 1:02”
These types of messages show her you have a plan; that you’re already going to be doing something & she should come along for the fun, AND are presented in an entertaining, interesting way that she won’t just ignore.
If you were to ask her, “Hey, I was wondering if you might want to get some pizza with me sometime? Just let me know ok? Thanks.” She’s most likely going to decline. You haven’t done anything to spark interest or flip any switches. DON’T send those kinds of texts. OK, Moving on….
When to respond/How soon to reply back:
Whenever a girl sends you a text, you want to change up the amount of time it takes for you to respond. Why? Because you don’t want to be "predictable", and you want to establish the frame that you are a busy guy and aren’t sitting around waiting for her to text you.
Sometimes you’ll reply back within a minute or two; sometimes after an hour… maybe longer. Sometimes you’ll shoot a text back immediately.
By changing up your response time you’re creating suspense. It’s going to hit one of those emotional buttons like we’ve been discussing. You want her to experience a wide range of emotions to keep her interested.
When you’ve just spent 10 minutes in “Rapid Fire Reply”(RFR) mode, & then sort of drop off for a little while, she’s going to feel a bit of uncertainty; wondering things like, “Is he mad? Did he lose interest? Did I say something wrong? Did I send the text to the wrong person??” etc…
This is good! Seriously. Because, when you DO text her back again maybe 20 minutes later, or an hour later, she’ll feel that sense of relief & excitement. She’ll get butterflies from the adrenaline rush that your text delivers. It’s that kind of pleasure you feel, ONLY AFTER you’ve had a feeling of loss (or at least “potential” loss).
Yes it IS totally OK to respond right away. In fact, you SHOULD from time to time. It’s also perfectly fine to go into “RFR” for a while. So don’t make the mistake of thinking you always have to wait a long time to reply. She’ll just get tired of texting you altogether if she knows she’s going to have to wait forever to hear back.
Just be unpredictable, & you’ll be golden!
Nicknames / pet-names:
Girls LOVE little pet-names; especially if they’re personal & significant between the two of you!! In many of my example texts you’ve seen how I incorporated the use of a funny, cute, playful nickname to call her. This technique is great for bringing a smile to her face when she gets your message.
My favorite method of coming up with nicknames is to connect it to something specific about her; maybe something related to her personality, or one of her favorite activities, or even about her looks.
On PUAForums.com we had a thread about favorite pet-names/nicknames we’ve used with girls. Some of them are classic, traditional ones that everyone has heard & used before. Then there other that are more unique, more creative & definitely more humorous!
Here’s a list of great examples (including some of a more "sexual" nature) you can use, taken straight from the “Pet-names” thread on the forum. Some also have explanations about their origin.
(Try interchanging bits from different ones to come up with more!)
Snorkle Bum (use your imagination)
Honey whacker (she smashes all the girls out the park)
Indiana Jones (because she is the boss and likes to whip you into shape, at least let her think this it will show you’re not controlling)
Tongue Slider (kissing her is like the best theme park ride ever people queue up from miles around but there is a height restriction)
Sassy-Pants (This one has always been great!)
Skitty (after I call her my little "sex kitten/sex kitty")
*Dork Butt (I’ll include an actual text exchange where I implemented this one)
Speed Racer (for the girls who drive to my apartment in record time!)
Chatty Cat (when she won't shut up)
Little Candy Striper
Motor Crotch (This one is great for sexually confident girls... not so much for the shy ones)
Little "Squirt" Gun (for "those" types of girls)
Sugar Glider (for the petite, little cuties)
Cranky Puss (when she's getting b1tchy)
"Moaning Lisa" (named after the famous painting, but with a twist - for those girls who are vocally talented in bed)
Bigfoot (when the girl has TINY feet!!)
Lap doggy (semi-sexual, for the ones who constantly sit on your lap)
Juicy Fruit / Juicy Lucy (for the girls who get really wet during foreplay)
Cyber Slave (for the ones who send you "naughty texts")
Stupid Head(when you're being playful & both razzing each other)
Little Sucky Face (for the good kissers)
Crazy Legs / Little Pretzel (for those extremely flexible girls)
Grabby Hands (for the ones who always touch you)
Squirmy Pants (when she's all aroused & can't sit still)
*Here’s how I came up with “Dork Butt”... during a text exchange: It was totally on the fly & the spur of the moment:
I was texting with my current chicky-poo. (Lots of playful bantering/razzing each other) & I told her about my "House Rule" the day she was coming over, which is: "Clothing is NOT permitted. Period!"
She texted back: & said, "I don't like your house rule"
My reply: "Bite me Dork Butt!! That rule is AWESOME!"
Her: OMG that made me spit coffee out my nose! I hate you now!! LOL
There you go. Don’t be afraid of using little special nicknames when you’re messaging your girl. In fact, I highly suggest it! It adds so much fun to what might otherwise be a boring text. Plus, when you throw these in from time to time, she’ll absolutely want to join in & she’ll start making up crazy names to call you. So, let the fun begin!!
Online Dating / Email / Messaging – How to get responses & results:
If you use Online Dating sites such as: POF, Match.com, OKC etc… (Even Facebook) you may have discovered it can be a daunting task to get women to actually respond when you email them. But we’re about to change that!
There are only a couple things you need to do, in order to start seeing immediate success with your online dating game.
Firstly: make sure you have good profile pictures. At least one good, in-focus face shot, and a few more pictures showing you doing some fun, interesting activities.
Also- DO NOT under ANY circumstance, post pictures of yourself posing in the bathroom mirror with your shirt off, or pulled up to show your abs!!! Doing this will result in the girl hitting delete on your email, INSTANTLY!
Secondly: Your actual written profile (“about me” section) needs to stand out from the other thousands of schmucks who are on the sites.
The key here is to be funny, entertaining, interesting…etc. Do NOT tell everything about yourself! Don’t talk about your likes / dislikes / hobbies, etc… There’s a separate box for that info.
You want to leave some things to mystery about yourself. But, you must convey the fact that you are more interesting & fun than anyone else on the site.
(This means, you’re going to have to get creative!!)
I would also recommend browsing anonymously before you sign up, and read the MEN’S profiles for a while. WHY? Because you’ll see a trend…
You’ll get an idea of all the CRAP a woman has to wade through when she’s looking at profiles & pictures! THEN, you’ll know what NOT to do in your own profile. Trust me; you’ll be SOOOOO glad you did!!
Creating your prolife description and sending messages to women on dating sites, should be much easier & more successful now! You can use the same ideas & techniques we’ve discussed about texting, with your online dating game!
After all; we’re talking about COMMUNICATION, so be sure to communicate effectively. (Use spell check, punctuation etc… )
When you send an initial contact message, you want it to stand out! (Again, I'm beating a dead horse here… but think about how we made the text messages more fun, in order to get replies back from women. The same rule applies to emails, chats, IM’s etc..)
The next thing you want to make sure you do is READ HER PROFILE!
When you email her to introduce yourself, you need to mention a couple things about it to let her know you actually put a little effort into contacting her, and you’re not sending the exact same, identical message to every woman you write.
Now, I’m going to give some examples of ACTUAL emails I sent to women on POF & Match.com, as well as, what they replied back with.
You’ll also see how I was able to get phone numbers from them with basically zero effort. (One girl even gave me her number in her reply to my very first email to her…)
Pay attention to the descriptive words I used, the style of writing & humor I added, and a couple easy “cold read” techniques.
All of those elements combined, created a message that flipped switches in her emotional brain & compelled her to respond. You’ll see what I’m talking about when you read ahead…….
RE: Thank you!
I'm working, but was off all last week so no complaints. My Tuesdays are easy anyway, so it’s all good! Enjoy your day off...any plans?
RE: Thank you!
My plans for today include: learning to speak Cantonese, building a time machine, and relaxing.
I realize I probably won't be able to accomplish all of those, so I'll probably just stick with the relaxing part.
Ha! Relaxing is a goal you can easily obtain so go for it! Have a good one!
Ohhhh, if it were only that easy!
I'm always running at full speed, so relaxation does its darnedest to elude me.
Although, sometimes it finds a way to catch up; but it stinks when you have to "WORK" at relaxing.... (I REALLY need to fix that..)
BTW- we've been chatting for a couple days now, & you don't seem like the traditional stalker type.
AND.... I see a bit of a witty, goofy, somewhat "sassy" side about you. You don't mention it in your profile, but your eyes TOTALLY give it away.
That said, I'm leaning towards being OK with exchanging digits with you.
But.... there's one burning question which must be answered first.....
What's that one burning question?
My Reply: (after waiting a little longer to respond this time)
Well Laura, that question would be: What's your number? ~ heehee!
And just for fun, what was the first concert you ever attended?
The answer to that burning question is 615-xxx-xxxx
First concert was journey...what about yours?
Ask & ye shall receive!
It's all about being Confident, UNIQUE, Confident, Playful, Confident..... get the idea?
Then you spin it like she needs to qualify herself to you. And if you do it correctly, (and confidently) she'll totally buy into the frame & take the bait.
You establish the "Higher Value" in a playful way that goes under her radar & bypasses the "b1tch shield".
Then my friends, the gold is there for the taking.
Here's an email transcript I used yesterday on one of the "big" dating sites. The girl I wrote to I would consider a 9.5
Anyway, the main thing is, you need to take each profile on a case by case basis. What works with one girl, may not work with the next.... so you can't use the exact approach with every girl.
That said, here's what I sent her in my FIRST email, along with her response: (And after 3 email exchanges she gave me her number & we're meeting up tomorrow)
*Also note that, she obviously looked over my profile... just as ALL women are going to do, so be sure to have a bangin profile put together!!
I wrote: SUBJECT LINE: "Hey Spunky Brewster!!!
So, I'm reading your profile & you sound like a super-normal, regular next door neighbor sort of woman.
However; your pictures capture an unmentioned quality about you...
Something in your eyes gives away the fact that you're a bit spunky/sassy. There's a more upbeat, playful, adventurous side that you didn't describe, but it's totally noticeable.
I'm Mark by the way.
I hope your weekend has been full of awesomeness!
100%, without out a doubt, the most fantabulous email i have ever gotten!!!!!
And.... Just maybe.... I might have a little spunk in me!!
A man that has or is going to read 50 shades.... Yep.. I will say that that too is a plus!
I am actually anxious to get your next email!!
Btw.... I’m Kellie
The BIGGEST thing to remember when emailing SMOKIN' HOT girls is: DO NOT blend in with the 100's of other schmucks who are writing her. Be original & creative.
Show her you actually read her profile & noticed UNIQUE details about it, as well as her.
Here's another opener I used on a girl who I'd say is an 8 or 9.
Again, make sure you read her profile & customize the email accordingly so that it's personal to her.
(I got her number in the 3rd email exchange & we're meeting up tomorrow)
Here we go:
I wrote: subject line: You have impeccable grammar
I'm not sure what got my attention the most; but I DO know that the spelling, grammar & intelligently written profile had a lot to do with it! ;o)
Also- I sense you possess a wonderfully sarcastic side & could probably be given the nickname "Miss Sassy-Pants" & it would be well suited to you.
If you come across this clearly in written word, I bet you're an absolute riot in real life!
Have a happy 4th!!
RE: You have impeccable grammar!
Thank you Mark!
That is so refreshing that someone would complement me on how my profile is written, I can assure you.... IT.IS.A.FIRST!!!! And, I wrote it all by myself, no help, honest!
Although I cannot say, I never use slang or abbr. but I believe there is a time a place for both sides of me.
As far as my sarcastic and sassy pants side.... let's just say that I have never been accused of holding in what I really think. I get it honestly, it runs in the family.
I do enjoy laughing and making jokes, even at my expense. I feel there are too many areas in life that must be serious, so if I can find a loop hole here and there, you better believe I am going to take it.
Hope you have a Happy 4th as well.
Remember, be original and confident.
It's TOTALLY OK to compliment her on a unique characteristic; especially something about her profile. DO NOT say things like, "You're so beautiful" or "WOW, you're gorgeous".
She gets that sort of stuff ever day & hits delete.
Just be sure to make it personal to her, & not a generic carbon copy that you send to every girl.
Hopefully by now you get the idea! You should have a much better understanding of how to take your messaging to the next level… & beyond.
The key to being consistent is to remember a few main points: Be creative. Be funny. Be interesting. And create your own style, rather than just relying on doing a copy/paste from these examples. (Although they ARE a great springboard for starting out.)
But, you’ll want to get to the point where this style & these techniques begin to come naturally for you.
If you keep those main points in mind when you’re messaging a girl, you’ll be coming up with the perfect text or email on the fly in any situation!
I’ll update this guide again in the future, as I have more interactions & interesting conversations that come up. So, stay tuned!