This week we cover how to start building conversation topics while texting. This will be fairly generic information that should work in the majority of situations. In a later week I will like speak more about fringe cases and how to deal with them specifically.
The first thing I always do when I initiate texting is to send a message like “Hey there :P”. It's non-committal, can be taken as a little bit flirty, and lightly suggests that she should reply. If she doesn't respond soon, you just wait and try again later. I know a lot of guys make the mistake of trying to initiate with a “canned” texting game, but you blow some great material if she isn't at her phone, doesn't have the time to chat with you, or just isn't in the mood.
If she responds, one of two things will happen. Either she will give a rather non-committal response back: “Hey”, or she will tell you something about what she is doing. Occasionally a woman will acknowledge you, but then say she is too busy to talk at the moment. Most of the time this is a good thing. If she actually doesn't want to talk to you, she won't respond. So in this case, just eject gracefully by saying something like: “No prob. I'll catch ya later.”
If she responds to your initial text with a non-committal response, follow it with a “So what ya doing?”. This is different that “What's up?”. You want to phrase the question so that she is less likely to give you the traditional “Nothing” response. A lot of PUA's will tell you to not start with “boring” questions like these, but I feel they are crucially important in the early phases of texting a girl. This is a common texting sequence that they are used to, so you shouldn't get much resistance, and at this point, you haven't proceeded so far down the generic texting route as to have her put you on autopilot. The reason we want to go this route is to get her responding to us, to help us generate some early conversation points, and most importantly, so we can formulate a rough idea of where her mind and attitude are at the moment. At this point, if she still isn't giving you anything more that quick, useless responses, bag on her a bit. Say something like, “You're being boring. Can't you at least try to sound excited about [whatever she said], lol!”.
At this point, either she initially gave you a little preview of where her head-space is, or you cajoled it out of her. About forty percent of the time, she will already have given you a good “hook” to work with. “Hooks” or “Hook points” are important words or phrases which give you items you can use for further conversations. The magic of hook points is that you don't need to capitalize on them immediately. In fact, you shouldn't always snatch them up. When the current conversation thread gets boring, or you need to lighten up the conversation, just bring up a previous hook and change the topic. Another use of hooks, is to intentionally seed your responses with items that are easy for her to pick-up on and use to create new conversation. Later, in another section, we will discuss a more sneaky method of using hooks to help bring up sexual topics. Here's an example with several hooks in it:
ME: Hey there!
HER: What's up :P [Notice how she is putting the burden on me to carry the conversation]
ME: I'm just eating a delicious curry I made, and texting you. So what are you up to? [I've given her some hook points, and also turned the conversation back over to her. This is really “nice” of me. While I've put the responsibility of carrying the conversation on her (thus we will learn about her), I've given her topics if she needs a life line. Notice that the second hook point is also a dhv. It establishes that I not only cook, but that I cook exotic food.]
HER: OMG! That sounds so amazingly good right now. Curse my diet! [You'll notice that the hook points she leaves for me aren't near as easy to spot as the ones I intentionally left for her...get used to it. The first hook point is kinda subtle, but from it, we can derive conversations, about how I'm going to have to invite her over in the future for dinner, what type of foods she likes, if she can cook, ect. The second hook point, is a lesser hook point, but we can use it to discuss how we are going to take her out to celebrate once she finishes the diet.]
ME: I love Thai food...especially the eating part! What's your favorite cuisine? [I picked a route and got a conversation started that will lead to further conversation. I injected a mild bit of humor. In this scenario, I didn't pick the conversation topics that would have easily been steered to sexual areas, date topics, or future projection. The reason I avoided these sections right now, is that I barely know this woman at this point. I want to establish some Comfort and a wide range of conversation topics, before I start raising very much attraction. Also, remember what I said about coming back to hook points. If we text for a bit, and things are going well, I may come back to this opening statement (providing better hooks haven't come along), and future project about me cooking Thai food for her after her diet ends.]
I'm going to wrap this section up because we have covered a lot of stuff. This section is one of the most important parts of texting. There are lots of tips and trick that I will get to eventually, and we still need to cover how to build attraction, but I've just covered about 80% of texting. In review, you now know how to keep an interesting conversation going, how to illicit further information out of her, and get a bit of a handle on her mood. You've learned how to give her topics for future exploration, and how to control the conversation flow. If this is new to you, I recommend reading this section a couple of times. Feel free to ask me questions below, or PM me if you don't want to ask in “public”.
Next week is probably going to be mostly talking about the finer points of what I just covered, so if you are still a little confused, don't worry! We may actually get to building attraction, but we'll see...