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  1. #1
    topri's Avatar
    topri is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default On off On off ... WTF

    Hi guys

    This would probably make for an excellent field study lol but I am at my wits end. Let me give you some background. Must say again: I've read this forum from top to bottom, it's really good.

    Met this girl a year ago. I did some work at her apartment and again and again. Eventually we got chatting, later on wine, went out three times. We got along very well and still do, nothing wrong with our communication. Fast forward 12 months and I want to escalate the matter.

    She realized this when I told her 1.5 months ago that I came to visit HER ... and not to fix something! For the past 1.5 months I have spend about 20 to 30 hours, visits, some emails and sms. We have touched, hugged and kissed (once). But somehow I battle to kclose and fclose. Why? There is a lot of flirting, bit of teasing, bantering and jokes. She even mentioned that we are getting closer over recent times.

    About six months ago she had a short lived affair with a married guy which went south bigtime. The wife got onto them and called my target the big S. Is this still haunting her, is she afraid of a repeat? The thing is, when I push the envelop, she sometimes shows mild resistance. Then I would pull back and try again later. Other times she would be more willing, almost submissive.

    Yes there has been awkward moments, but we shake if off and carry on. She keeps contact. It's not as if she is avoiding me. But is she doing this to be polite/save my ego/doesn't want to harm my feelings? She has also said we can and will never be more (via email). But then we talk about porn which she has never done with a guy a before?! If she doesn't want me, then why does she allow visits and contact? I am not a fan of hers and I am not a newbie, but neither do I wish to become a PUA. There are excellent material out there but I cannot get myself to read a whole book/course when actually I only have a problem with closing.

    Should I go for a high risk high award move? Please give me you comments or ask questions if there are any blanks spots. I'm missing somethings here. Thanks

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: On off On off ... WTF

    Well the way I see it is you should have made the high risk high reward move 12 months ago. That's when you needed to escalate yes? You are probably now the guy who does work on her apartment and 2ndly her friend. This is why she feels comfortable talking to you about porn and her fling with a married man (you really want to be persuing her??). Did she do that 12 months ago? Does she know what your love life has been like the last 12 months? So your in limbo because you also enjoy her friendship but want more. That is not sustainable in the long run. If you make a move make it with 100% conviction and maybe ask her out on a proper date again, don't follow the usual path of just visiting her. Or open up about what your love life is like in a way that makes her curious. Tell her you have lots of sex or something. The results are going to be good no matter what. If she declines you can move on with your life to start heating up new girls without wasting valuable time and if she accepts, you get what you always wanted. You have to decide what you want and take it or move on swiftly if she's already made up hers. If your not a fan of hers then do you just want her physically? You might be seen by her as the guy who has taken a year to really make a physical move and the guy not aggressive enough to push through mild resistance. May aswell go hard or go home.

  3. #3
    topri's Avatar
    topri is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: On off On off ... WTF

    Thanks Whitedragon for your insight. Let met just clarify.


    Yes, according to the principles of speed seduction I should have made a move 12 months ago. But in real life you don't go to fix a tap and then screw the tenant during your tea break, do you lol? And yes, for 12 months I was the guy who fixed things for her, too nice and we became friends. BAD hey?


    Month 1 - 12: we never discussed sexual topics, we went out three times (casual dates), we did discuss emotional issues (on her side). During month 7 and 9 she had affair. She has no idea of my sex life. She is aware of my one LTR, but there are others as well.


    Month 13: I want to take this physical level because I'd like to have a local friend and lover. In a subtle way I've let her known its game on. We now talk about sexual topics, from time to time. Touching is introduced, we tease, play, etc.


    Month 14: We got closer, she mentioned it. She texted me twice one evening to come and sleep there. I ignored messages. The next morning she apologized and claimed drunkenness. Then I messed up on something for which I sincerely apologized. Shortly afterwards she messed up. Big fight, I dealt with it quickly but in a civilized manner. She acknowledged that it was a f@@kup.


    Not a fan means I do not take sh!t. I am nice to her, I care but I do not take nonsense. Instead of cropping something up, I deal with issues immediately.


    Mild resistance mean: sometimes she would just pull away when I try to touch her, but she does not slap me!


    Lets look at Monday's visit. I phoned her and she was home. It was a 30 minute visit. So I went there. We each had a glass of her wine. She did not want me to remove her shoes for a massage and neither did she want to return the favour. We sat diagonally in her lounge. She showed me a picture on her Blackberry of a guy who wanted to date her/did date her over the weekend. I didn't make anything of it in case she was testing me. Then I got up and sat next to her, occasionally touching her leg, and held her hands to check Cutex she had applied. Then she showed me a picture of herself in undies on her phone. But she didn't want to show a full naked one to me duh :-) Do you see the conflicting signals, or am I imagining things here?


    Tuesday: no visit or contact from my side, she texted me late, I texted her back that I was out (not true) and I will contact her on Wednesday (no intention).


    I want to wait till Friday.


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