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Thread: I just don't get it...?

  1. #1
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default I just don't get it...?

    Ok, so i am in college and i have been meeting a lot of girls now but it seems I keep falling into the friend zone and idk why. Like 2 girls they call me to hang out and stuff and then talk about the guys they banged last night or whatever.

    Then if were out at a party they are like "oh I hate him he is such an a**hole, he is full of himself, he is cocky, etc". but then I found out they banged him...like if he is such and a**hole why do you keep going back to him? I dont get it...

    Please, I need some help on how not to be in the friend zone and how to get out of it. Things i should avoid doing to not get there in the first place...please college virgin needs some help.

    What are college girls attracted to!? What do I need to change?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    The easy answer is just to start acting like an asshole, but you could overdo it. There is no magic pill to help with your situation. You will have to begin from scratch. Read The Game by Neil Strauss as a warmup to the idea behind PUA then you can go from there.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    Ok dude, I'm going to break it down for you because I used to wonder this question all the time.

    There's this one dude in my graduating class, we'll call him Matt. Now, last year I heard that Matt was a total asshole, just one of those guys that you don't want to have any sort of extended social interaction with. He was fairly good looking, but nothing special. I just pushed it in the back of my mind. But then I found out from my gf that one of our friends had hooked up with him. Then I heard that another, and another and another. It was like they were dropping like flies. And his reputation never got any better. No body defended the guy or talked about how he was actually decent. If anything he was thought of as even more of an asshole (probably caused by stunted hookups looking for their MRS degree and jealous freshman guys who wanted to hookup with the girls he was hooking up with.) But the dude got results, up until a rumor that he had an STD started spreading. I couldn't figure it out at the time.

    Then I joined the forums and started learning social psychology. And I realized that it's not the asshole-ishness that attracts girls, it's the confidence to be an asshole. Asshole's step on people's toes, say what they want without any thought as to who it will offend, and sometimes go out of their way to insult people just cause they know they can and no one will do anything about it. That's pretty ballsy. Being an asshole means that you've got the confidence to be rude, socially-unacceptable, and all the other traits that make you an ass. It's a "I don't give two f@cks" sort of attitude, and that's attractive. And that's why they get results.

    Here's the solid, honest to god truth. If you're going to be an alpha male, you're going to be a bit of an asshole. That's a given. You're going after what you want, and while you're not deliberately hurting people, they are not your number 1 concern. And that pisses most people off, and they'll be a little jealous that they can't do that. But it's attractive. So you have to accept it. Hell, you should embrace it. It means you're different, it sets you apart from all the AFCs.

    Now as to your friendzone problem, it's probably because you aren't going into this with the right Mindset. I may not have made that clear enough when I was giving you instructions earlier. You go in under the guise of making friends, but in your mind you're always thinking "She's going to be fun to take back to my dorm room." You have to keep telling yourself that she's going to be attracted to you, you're going to flirt with her and she's going to love it. Do not accept the friendzone. It's not an option for you anymore, you're better than that. You put people in the friendzone now, not the other way around. So from the get go you need to be flirting, making sexual innuencdos and references, make sure there's no mistaking what it is you're after. Hell, you come straight out and tell her if that's what it takes.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  4. #4
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    The easy answer is just to start acting like an asshole, but you could overdo it. There is no magic pill to help with your situation. You will have to begin from scratch. Read The Game by Neil Strauss as a warmup to the idea behind PUA then you can go from there.
    already got the book and read it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bandit View Post
    Ok dude, I'm going to break it down for you because I used to wonder this question all the time.

    There's this one dude in my graduating class, we'll call him Matt. Now, last year I heard that Matt was a total asshole, just one of those guys that you don't want to have any sort of extended social interaction with. He was fairly good looking, but nothing special. I just pushed it in the back of my mind. But then I found out from my gf that one of our friends had hooked up with him. Then I heard that another, and another and another. It was like they were dropping like flies. And his reputation never got any better. No body defended the guy or talked about how he was actually decent. If anything he was thought of as even more of an asshole (probably caused by stunted hookups looking for their MRS degree and jealous freshman guys who wanted to hookup with the girls he was hooking up with.) But the dude got results, up until a rumor that he had an STD started spreading. I couldn't figure it out at the time.

    Then I joined the forums and started learning social psychology. And I realized that it's not the asshole-ishness that attracts girls, it's the confidence to be an asshole. Asshole's step on people's toes, say what they want without any thought as to who it will offend, and sometimes go out of their way to insult people just cause they know they can and no one will do anything about it. That's pretty ballsy. Being an asshole means that you've got the confidence to be rude, socially-unacceptable, and all the other traits that make you an ass. It's a "I don't give two f@cks" sort of attitude, and that's attractive. And that's why they get results.

    Here's the solid, honest to god truth. If you're going to be an alpha male, you're going to be a bit of an asshole. That's a given. You're going after what you want, and while you're not deliberately hurting people, they are not your number 1 concern. And that pisses most people off, and they'll be a little jealous that they can't do that. But it's attractive. So you have to accept it. Hell, you should embrace it. It means you're different, it sets you apart from all the AFCs.

    Now as to your friendzone problem, it's probably because you aren't going into this with the right Mindset. I may not have made that clear enough when I was giving you instructions earlier. You go in under the guise of making friends, but in your mind you're always thinking "She's going to be fun to take back to my dorm room." You have to keep telling yourself that she's going to be attracted to you, you're going to flirt with her and she's going to love it. Do not accept the friendzone. It's not an option for you anymore, you're better than that. You put people in the friendzone now, not the other way around. So from the get go you need to be flirting, making sexual innuencdos and references, make sure there's no mistaking what it is you're after. Hell, you come straight out and tell her if that's what it takes.
    Bandit, thanks again for a very helpful reply. But is there anything I can read on how to become an alpha male? I don't want to meet a girl and say something that makes me look like a complete douche so she just stops ignoring me...

    And yes, I have made sexual jokes with them but they just see me as the guy friend to call and go to lunch to talk to, to come over and just watch a movie with...so I remember with one of them I was like "well, since i can see you only see me as a friend your gonna be my new wingman." then they responded with a quiet "yeah...okayy" kind of like brushing it off.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    I could never figure out why I always had TONS of girl "friends" growing up, but getting a "girlfriend" seemed much more difficult.

    BUT.... I've since learned what I was doing wrong:
    I was building too much rapport from the beginning.
    I thought talking to a girl about things you had in common, & having a great conversation with her, was a good thing. (But it's NOT).

    What DOES work is flirting, teasing, bantering, & showing minimal interest. (You DO have to show some interest though... but only enough to spark curiosity in her).

    Don't care about the outcome... just have fun with the interaction.
    When you show indifference about whether or not you "hook up" or "get together" with a girl, THAT'S what she notices. It shows confidence & an abundance mentality... and girls find that to be very attractive.

    (That's what an Alpha Male does.)

    You don't want to be too sexual right from the start, unless you can do it confidently & be congruent with your body language. Otherwise the girl might see it as creepy.

    I usually use sexual innuendo, rather than making sexual jokes. (There's a difference.) Sexual jokes & comments are to blatantly straight forward & leave little to mystery.
    But innuendo makes her wonder what you're really saying... & keeps her guessing.
    That curiosity is the foundation of attraction, & is the key to staying out of the friend zone.

    Rapport without attraction = "friend".
    Attraction with (but before) rapport = "lover".



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    I'm going to try and sum up your problem in the fewest words possible:

    1. You get into the friendzone for two reasons:

    -A lack of Kino.
    -You allow yourself to be put into the friendzone.

    2. Validation seeking isn't gender specific. Not seeking other's validation (a.k.a. not caring/being an asshole) applies both to men and women. You have to seek no one's validation, male or female. Stop caring what she thinks and that's why she'll like you.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  7. #7
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    Quote Originally Posted by tmalonetn View Post
    Don't care about the outcome... just have fun with the interaction.
    When you show indifference about whether or not you "hook up" or "get together" with a girl, THAT'S what she notices. It shows confidence & an abundance mentality... and girls find that to be very attractive.

    (That's what an Alpha Male does.)
    could you elaborate a little more on this? i sort of understand but not fully..

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    I'm going to try and sum up your problem in the fewest words possible:

    1. You get into the friendzone for two reasons:

    -A lack of Kino.
    -You allow yourself to be put into the friendzone.

    2. Validation seeking isn't gender specific. Not seeking other's validation (a.k.a. not caring/being an asshole) applies both to men and women. You have to seek no one's validation, male or female. Stop caring what she thinks and that's why she'll like you.
    Thanks for the reply Cody, always good to hear from you. So basically I just have to stop caring...? Like about what though? Specifically?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    A lot of guys make one of these mistakes:

    They either show NO interest at all, so the girl just assumes she's only "friend" material...

    OR

    They show too much interest & focus on the outcome... which shows neediness.

    The key is- express SOME interest, but don't worry about whether or not things work out with a particular girl.

    When you have an "abundance mentality", that means you're used to having lots of options when it comes to women. At first you kinda have to "fake it". But it doesn't take long before that's actually the case & you really do have lot of options.

    When a girl thinks that lots of other women are interested in you, it's basically a form of "pre-selection"... and subconsciously causes them to pursue you more.

    So instead of focusing on the outcome with a girl (meaning- trying too hard to pick her up) just have fun with the whole flirting/attraction process.

    Because when you're having fun & you give off a fun vibe, the girl will have fun too. And when a girl is having fun, that's what makes her want to spend more time with you.



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  9. #9
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    Quote Originally Posted by tmalonetn View Post
    A lot of guys make one of these mistakes:

    They either show NO interest at all, so the girl just assumes she's only "friend" material...

    OR

    They show too much interest & focus on the outcome... which shows neediness.

    The key is- express SOME interest, but don't worry about whether or not things work out with a particular girl.

    When you have an "abundance mentality", that means you're used to having lots of options when it comes to women. At first you kinda have to "fake it". But it doesn't take long before that's actually the case & you really do have lot of options.

    When a girl thinks that lots of other women are interested in you, it's basically a form of "pre-selection"... and subconsciously causes them to pursue you more.

    So instead of focusing on the outcome with a girl (meaning- trying too hard to pick her up) just have fun with the whole flirting/attraction process.

    Because when you're having fun & you give off a fun vibe, the girl will have fun too. And when a girl is having fun, that's what makes her want to spend more time with you.

    Gotchya. Two steps forward one step back...

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I just don't get it...?

    Thanks for the reply Cody, always good to hear from you. So basically I just have to stop caring...? Like about what though? Specifically?

    What she thinks of you and the end result of your interaction.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:



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