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Thread: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

  1. #11
    filmdad3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Mias,

    you said it right there. You're basically afraid no one will match his sexual skills. What do you think he does to get you so turned on? That's the cue right there. It's emotional for you. So, basically, YOU are the reason the sex is so good. You ALLOW it to be. Get in your own head, kid. If you find another man, allow yourself to see him as attractive emotionally and mentally as this d-bag you're dating, the sex could be even better! It's really in your own mind. I guarantee sex outside of him is just as good because you're not hurting afterwards.

  2. #12
    MiaS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    As far as my guy goes, he gave me an overview and kept it focused on self-help.

    I think if he would have gamed me a bit it would have been okay, but he took it to a level that has wreaked emotional havoc on me. Keep it interesting, yes, but at this point I'm desperate to get over this guy. (I'm failing, clearly) I'm sure that was not his ultimate goal with me.

  3. #13
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    The truth is, you are using this as an excuse. "Game" isn't some mystical thing that has magical abilities to make women lose control and drop their panties. Anything you do is because you have allowed it to be done and unless and until you take responsibility for your own feelings and emotions, other people are going to have control over your life.

    As The Red Baron said, it sounds like you are lacking self-confidence yourself and need to work on some personal growth of your own. It sounds like you have some attachment problems, because if you are relying on someone so much that you can't cope of the thought of not having them, that is not healthy. You need to learn to be self-sufficient and self-enforcing.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  4. #14
    MiaS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    I'm trying.....but I'm in love...with a user...

  5. #15
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    You're doing a good job because the best way to deal with this stuff is to become informed. Read about "love" from an analytical point of view. Once it's dissected from a biological and evolutionary perspective, it's much more difficult to logically maintain the cognitive dissonance that you're expressing.

    As a society, we all too often resort to stating that we're "in love" as an excuse for irrational behavior. Hollywood, popular media, and corporations have all sold us on romanticism and love. The truth is that "love" is much more mechanical than society wants you to believe. Learn the processes that lead to "love," affection, attraction, bonding, etc. Once you know the processes you it will be much more difficult for you to use "love" as an excuse for self-destructive and irrational behavior.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  6. #16
    MiaS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    One thing I wanted to add- it's not even the act of sex itself that is so amazing with this guy- it's not like he's doing circus tricks....
    It's the physical affection. He's so affectionate by the time he even kisses me I'm ready to faint.

    I do need to get into my own head and realize it is emotional. It's just that often guys don't give that much effort. They slack off in the affection department. It's such a small thing to do, and it makes SUCH a difference for women.

    I'm sure there are more suitable guys for me out there....I just need to somehow mentally distance myself from this one. It's like I will be all ready to break up with him, and then I see him and 10 mins later everything I was about to say just flies right out of my head.

  7. #17
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    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Quote Originally Posted by DirtyOnPurpose View Post
    I don't see why he would share any of the pua stuff with you anyway if he's not one of those boot camp organizers that will use you as an example. Anyone else find that weird?
    My now girlfriend and mother of my newborn son used to post on here, when we were just dating. She was a little pissy about some of the things I said and did, but she also really liked getting on here and trying to help people out.


    Mia,

    In the average abusive relationship, it takes the victim seven times before they finally leave the abuser, forever. Leave him. If you're lucky, he won't take you back when you come crawling. You will go crawling back. Don't let that get you down, though, that's normal and expected. If he does take you back, focus on building up what you need to leave him, again.

    You didn't say, or I missed it, but how old are you two? Are you dependent on him for money, living space, employment? If not, you don't need him. If you are, you need to look for alternate means, in whatever area. Notice, I didn't ask if you were dependent on him for affection. You're not.

    I had a college professor who used to tell us: "Men fall in love with the women they find beautiful, women find attraction in the men with whom they fall in love."

    It's been posted prior to this post, and it's correct. The affection is so great because it's what you have learned to associate with the ideal sex/touch/love.
    Because of this, if you do separate, and find another lover, you will likely find him to be less than your standards. Why? You have already decided no one is as good as the current man. Again, don't let that get you down. Women's minds control their bodies to a greater degree than men's do. When you're able to move past the current man, the new ones will start to fill that void. It's a crawl before you walk, type scenario. There will likely be many falls. That doesn't mean you just lay down and give up.

    You seem to be addressing some of the underlying causes of your tepid self esteem. That's really good, but only so much can be helped by posting vaguely about it on the internet. Have you considered speaking to a professional? If you need help finding someone appropriate, I can recommend someone to get you the best help available, all over the United States.

    As cliché as it sounds, you don't have to do this alone. This thread has already proven that. Please keep us posted and do what you have to do for the best way for yourself.

    Hell, I'm surprised you haven't had a bunch of guys trying to work the moves over, on you, on here. Surprised. And a little disappointed.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  8. #18
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Hey, dont be too mean with the guy.

    A guy who cheats a lot, especially if he needs to use the game to do it, he probably just has confidence issues, no matters what he says. It helps him get validation, he needs girls approving him to feel good about himself

    So yeah, it sucks for you, and we're sorry you feel like that. But he's not a douche or even a bad guy, just a guy who tries to feel better about himself
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  9. #19
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Mikal I'll agree with your analysis but not the conclusion

    A guy who cheats is really insecure himself and requires proof of outside approval, but it's still his decision

    You can't say he's a victim to his cheating, especially If he has a girl that will give him everything he needs, yea id say he's not a good guy

    And Nik, well put
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  10. #20
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Well, I used to be like him.

    Very insecure, only felt good when there was a girl, but sucked with them. Started PUA, found some great girl, but couldn't help but cheat on her, because I figured that the only way I could see myself as a great guy was if all the ladies liked me.

    Now I got better and more confident, I became an adult - and maybe he will too, but right now he's basically just an insecure kid who wants everyone to like him.

    (I dropped a hint of how I think we should approach the issue to help our ladyfriend. will you find it?)
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.


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