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Thread: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

  1. #41
    nik's Avatar
    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Mia, expect to experience some or all of the Kubler-Ross "five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They usually go in order and sometimes repeat.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  2. #42
    After Hours is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Break up with him, and cut off all contact. If he committed to a monogamous relationship with you and is cheating on you, he's not a pickup artist he's a piece of shit. Its clear that you have some personal issues that come into play in this situation but if it is being that detrimental to you then he is not worth it. And trust me you will eventually find somebody who will satisfy your sexual needs on a much higher level and he'll leave you quivering and dripping regularly. Get the self worth to find something better.

    I hope this doesn't negatively impact your impression of the community, this does not reflect us as a whole and even Style, who was once rated as the best PUA in the world, when he committed to a monogamous relationship he honored it. When I was first introduced to pickup there were a certain set of ethics that accompanied it; Here's a couple exampled:

    "With great power comes great responsibility."

    "Always leave a girl better than when you met her."

  3. #43
    Atlas's Avatar
    Atlas is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Not sure if anyone has brought this up yet (and pretty sure it's not at all what you want to hear), but in the community the standard, accepted cure for oneitis isn't self esteem enhancement and further introspection; it is to go out and sleep with ten women. make of that information what you will.

  4. #44
    MiaS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Quote Originally Posted by After Hours View Post
    Break up with him, and cut off all contact. If he committed to a monogamous relationship with you and is cheating on you, he's not a pickup artist he's a piece of sh1t. Its clear that you have some personal issues that come into play in this situation but if it is being that detrimental to you then he is not worth it. And trust me you will eventually find somebody who will satisfy your sexual needs on a much higher level and he'll leave you quivering and dripping regularly. Get the self worth to find something better.

    I hope this doesn't negatively impact your impression of the community, this does not reflect us as a whole and even Style, who was once rated as the best PUA in the world, when he committed to a monogamous relationship he honored it. When I was first introduced to pickup there were a certain set of ethics that accompanied it; Here's a couple exampled:

    "With great power comes great responsibility."

    "Always leave a girl better than when you met her."
    Thank you. I don't have a bad view of the community because I know there are is good and bad in every institution. At first, I was a little unsure, but people have been so kind to me on here.....Actually a lot of the stuff was really good. I wish it was mandatory for all guys to learn this stuff. It just happened that the guy I had the unfortunate pleasure of dating uses women.

  5. #45
    MiaS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Quote Originally Posted by Atlas View Post
    Not sure if anyone has brought this up yet (and pretty sure it's not at all what you want to hear), but in the community the standard, accepted cure for oneitis isn't self esteem enhancement and further introspection; it is to go out and sleep with ten women. make of that information what you will.
    As far as hooking up with other people to feel better, maybe that works for guys, but for me, it would make me feel WAY worse bc I don't hook up like that.

    Actually maybe that's not even a good idea for guys....because then you are still relying on others for fulfillment. At least that's what my self-esteem book says

  6. #46
    Glub is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Mia,

    You might want to look into meditation... I have heard a lot of people in your situation say it helps-- both with handling your thoughts and feelings and for dealing with childhood issues.

    Here's a good online guide from an informed buddhist:

    urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe1-4.html
    (I don't have the privileges needed to make this an actual link)


    I don't really buy into the spirituality/mysticism behind it, but the method itself works and is practical.

    Probably better than sleeping with 10 guys every time you have a rough breakup.

  7. #47
    MiaS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Thank you Glub Great advice....

  8. #48
    easyflow is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    This is a long thread, and I have not read every reply. I did read your original post. If you want to get away from this guy, which I think you do, because you posted on here, I suggest no contact. Erase his number from your phone. Erase all text messages you may have saved. Erase all emails, erase all forms of recorded communication. If you need to, get an app for your phone that you can set up so that if he calls from his number, your phone will not ring, you wont even know if he called. The app can block texts as well.

    You are going to miss this guy, it is going to be difficult, it will be an emotional roller coaster, right now your heart and the sex is what is keeping you around, your logical mind doesn't have the power to beat your heart at the moment.

    Before you do any of this, so online and search stuff like "How to break up", "Exit strategy for relationships".

    It's gonna suck, think of it like you are a drug addict, and he is your fix. Your gonna go through withdrawls, but if you see him after awhile, all the healing you went through, will be erased and you will be back to hurting again, wanting another hit. Just go cold turkey.

    You deserve to be treated better.

  9. #49
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Quote Originally Posted by MiaS View Post
    Actually maybe that's not even a good idea for guys....because then you are still relying on others for fulfillment. At least that's what my self-esteem book says
    Yup, that.

    Though one rebound is good and healthy, get you back in the game.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  10. #50
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm sexually addicted to my boyfriend- help

    Quote Originally Posted by MiaS View Post
    As far as hooking up with other people to feel better, maybe that works for guys, but for me, it would make me feel WAY worse bc I don't hook up like that.

    Actually maybe that's not even a good idea for guys....because then you are still relying on others for fulfillment. At least that's what my self-esteem book says
    This is exactly right. People in this community don't understand the difference between what PUAs call "oneitis" and a real relationship. They are not the same thing and they shouldn't be treated the same way. If you're in a real relationship, no amount of sleeping around is going to help you overcome that. There are only a few things that do help:

    1) Becoming self-sufficient by getting back to the person you want to be;
    2) Finding something to fill the void left in your life from removing that person; and
    3) Time

    Also, finding a new relationship IN TIME is also helpful. But this has to be a healthy relationship, or else you're likely just replacing one problem with another.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


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