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  • 1 Post By TheGeneral
  • 1 Post By MattHarpawe

Thread: Fear of success and self sabotage

  1. #1
    MattHarpawe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Fear of success and self sabotage

    I have something to confess, and something that possibly affects other guys; I couldn't be the only one this happens to !

    When I seduce a girl, as soon as she starts giving me some serious IOIs, ans some serious interest, I pretty much freak out.

    I start making up all this shit in my head about how I don't want to be in a serious commited relationship, how I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt her, how I'm afraid I'm gonna catch oneitis (happened, and i will not let it happen again)
    - I lose my cool and get stuck in my head, analyzing uselessly
    - I get needy and I become afraid to lose her
    - I basically adopt a pussy behavior as soon as she starts to be interested in me

    In essence, I self-sabotage. I feel like I don't really deserve this, I just don't see myself as a guy who can get laid and not be affected by it. I'm stuck in a frame (NLP term, I think) of being a weak shit.

    Before the girl is attracted, I don't really give a shit, and I just try different shit on her.
    As soon as she becomes attracted, I blow it.

    Anyone have any advice for this problem, as to how I can finally start getting laid, with a dominant, non-caring frame of mind ?

  2. #2
    0Rooster0's Avatar
    0Rooster0 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    you have to much turbulent shit going on in your head. your going to have to start having more control over your mind. start weeding all those thoughts out cause there counter productive to what your ultimate goal is. you should have the singular thought of how should I close this. if you hit the field enough eventually all those thoughts should start disappearing as you gain solid intent.
    "I've never seen anyone pull as quickly or as efficiently as you"
    -HarryRat(Simplepicku p)

  3. #3
    TheGeneral's Avatar
    TheGeneral is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    More girls. Eventually things should smooth out and you will get to the point where HB's throw themselves at you and you don't really care. The more girls you meet the less girls will impress you. Maybe I'm just cynical though.

  4. #4
    MiikusMaximus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    Are you actually considering those things before they can possibly happen?

    Why?

    Is there something that you'd rather think in these situations?

  5. #5
    dave_xxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    Just out of curiosity are you a procrastinator? They are usually the ones that sabotage or delay their success.

  6. #6
    MattHarpawe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    Yes, I'm definitely a procrastinator, out of perfectionism I think (when you want to do smthing perfectly or else not at all, and you are unconsciously scared that you are not going to do smth perfect, so you just put it off put it off until you end up not doing it).

    Yes, that's the problem, when I see that I'm definitely getting somewhere, the girl gives me clear IOIs etc, I get freaked out and blow it, partly because

    1. I'm still a virgin and inexperienced in sex and relationships
    2. My frame of reality is not (yet) a frame where I'm dominant. I may act dominant, but it's not what I feel inside.

    It's kind of like I feel that success with girls is just "not me", that I somehow don't deserve it. Of course I am trying to change that, but I don't really know how.

  7. #7
    NoctisCaelumPUA's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    Well I certainly feel where you are coming from, sounds like you might be younger. This happened to me a lot during my 20's girls stumped me and I was girl crazy. Now many times lost it sometimes completely looking like a jerk. Anyways now in my 30's going to get back in the game and generally I feel less needy like I am going to do less work to get chicks.

    In essence I used to always be hitting on the girls at Work, Church, The Mall and so forth but now I meet so many chicks in the Bars, Clubs, Concerts, Holiday Events, Outdoor Malls I am no longer worried about "finding" an HB.

    Let's take for instance my current feelings, I have a new target at the Buckle and while I think I should at least try to talk to her I think I will be playing hard to get myself and stop with all this puppy dog stuff of pretending and I will just be more frank and always approach her when I can but also not approach or devise something if it gets crazy.

    Basically I am not worried about this new Buckle chick or even closing her cuz the Bars, Clubs for meeting chicks, making out, and getting numbers is so easy and no many girls don't even drink there.

    But I feel like Night Game is so easy to approach right now so I am focusing on day game which can be slower depending on the month. Now that's why the new chick at the Buckle will be a fun little experiment over the next couple of month's time. Sure I will be doing super sets when Summer comes again but I am focusing on this Buckle chick now cuz it is a challenge and will let you guys know how I progress.

    But I used to always self-sabotage with the Buckle girls is what I am saying. 3 Buckle Girls lifetime approached and most of them shut me down due to AFC behavior. It was a self-sabotage my aa and oneitis at its worst in these cases. I pre-planned every convo in my head and it came out like a funk machine and a stinky rhythm. So onto number 4 again I could go Night Game any time and go approach crazy but I am afraid of becoming a one trick pony so I need to up my skills for Day or Night.

    That being said Hired Guns are the hardest targets I have noticed to approach and Day time more challenging than Night time. So either way I left my first "hook" on a Buckle girl so let's see if it sticks and she sticks around. I will observe many things does she ignore me, is she pissed, will she write me off, etc. I have a little of a bad rep there cuz I went AFC on the last Buckle girl and called the store and said I would come see her Friday but flaked on her and next time Christi gave me the look of death and wrote me off, turned her back, ignored me, looked pissed, all signs of IODs so it's hard to say cuz the new girl likes me but the old one hates me so I am probably overthinking but at the very least I think my Social Proof is royally screwed as previous AFC signs, so I think it will be harder to game the new one due to that but we'll see soon enough. Hitting it up next week, maybe I'll get lucky and she'll be there.
    101 Sets, 30 #'s, 4 K-closes, 1 Date, 1 Bar Pull. My next adventure starts Summer 2014 at the Brewfest, Water Park, Bars, Clubs, etc. Getting Hotels now to prevent driving drunk so really only 2-3 times a month doing Night Game June-Oct. Lots of Day Game.

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    1. I'm still a virgin and inexperienced in sex and relationships
    2. My frame of reality is not (yet) a frame where I'm dominant. I may act dominant, but it's not what I feel inside.
    you my friend should read david x's "be relentless"

    he basically gives you the Mindset of a total hard a$$ who doesn't give a damn about anything.

    the more girls you meet, the less important it becomes to meet woman. experience is what separates the boys from the men. I've been in your shoes man, I bet you play it safe a lot.

    you just have to learn something, the more interest you show in other people, the more interest they will show towards you. the ones that don't show interest aren't worth your time and the ones who show interest in you with out you showing much interest are the ones you f^ck.

  9. #9
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    Good luck bro! I was a virgin til 23. It fucked with my head. I needed to go through a lot of girls to get up my confidence. Just know you are enough and the rest follows.

  10. #10
    MattHarpawe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Fear of success and self sabotage

    Thanks man ! reading David X these past few days...holy shit. love it !

    That is a completely new part of the pua community that I have just discovered thanks to you !

    My game is definitely changing thanks to this dude


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