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  • 1 Post By whitedragon

Thread: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wrong?

  1. #1
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    Question Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wrong?

    TL; DR: First date. Was built up from heavy text flirting. We almost fuck in the park, but when I suggest to go to my place, she refuses. Freeze-outs ensue, and she approaches sexually, but still refuses to come to my place. I must have done something wrong. Please note that we are both adults.

    ====

    So, I meet up with this girl I have been flirting on text. Flirting had gotten pretty intense during the last few days: intense and explicit. I'd say sexting more than flirting at that point.

    I had invited her for a walk in my city. The texting escalated so much that, at some point, she basically told me: "fuck having a walk, let's just get into your bed.". Many people will think I am crazy here (feedback please!), but I actually told her things like: "you are still going to have to win me over" and started teasing her on having a walk in which she had to behave. My reasoning behind that was twofold:

    1. I wanted to do some teasing, push-pull, to get more attraction between us instead of just having sex immediately.
    2. I wanted to convey that I am not interested in just sex with her.


    So we met. I met her at a place close to her city, and took the train with her to my city. We chatted on the train and got some comfort going (though the train ride was waay too long). We got off at my city and started having a walk; I thought I was screwing up, but then, just merely 10 minutes in our walk, I took her and hugged her. Then I kissed her.

    Things escalated really quickly from there. We made out. I pushed her away and told her that no-kissing was allowed. We walked two meters and I just pulled her inside a little warehouse that was there. Heavy makeout ensued. I touched her and she stopped me just before having an orgasm. We went out and I told her we'd need to wait as my boner was too evident through my trousers — we set next to a tree and we basically teased each other for the following two hours. Teased to almost orgasm kind of tease.

    At some point she told me that yesterday was the first day of her period. Otherwise she would have fucked me in the warehouse. After another while, she told me she was really hungry, so I told her if she was up for ice cream. We went for that and then I told her if she wanted to visit my place.

    She said: “Eventually, yes. Not tonight, though.”

    Then the shit tests started, and I probably handled them really badly. She started to ask if I was disappointed. I told her that I respected that. I went full Freeze-Out, though. We went on walking, she said she wanted to find a tree and lie on the grass.

    She asked me things like: “Did you invite me to your city because you hoped me to come to your place?”; I replied: “I didn't invite you because of that. But I certainly wanted that, and by our texts I had the impression that's what you wanted too”.

    She pulled me and we made out. And she started making excuses, such as: “I want to come to your place, but I have a dog, and I don't know how can I come back from your place.”, I said: “There are trains.”, she said: “They probably don't run late though.” (notice that it was about 8 in the afternoon, so we reasonably had around 4 hours anyways if she wanted to catch the last), I said: “I can check.”. But she made me understand that she didn't want me to check.

    We went under that tree, and this time was literally with people around (first time it was more discrete), but that didn't stop us from making out and touching each other in certain ways. When she would resist, I would freeze-out or push her, and she would reengage ALWAYS with a more forward teasing. At some points she showed me her breasts and started humping me, I threw her on the grass and made out heavily and told her: “Come home with me.”, she just said: “No.”

    I brought her to her train. While I was bringing her there, she just whispered in my ear how much I turned her on. We made out and arranged for our next date in five days. She asked where did we want to meet. And I asked if she had any suggestion. She just said: “well, I have one”. I smiled and said: “I can certainly bring you places from there”.

    So… what. The. Actual. Fuck?

    Questions:
    1. Is she just playing with me? I had the impression that she really wanted me, but was resisting.
    2. Whatever the reasons are for her resistance, it's obvious that there is a mistake on my part. Not enough comfort, maybe?
    3. During our texting, it looked like I had control, she had to win me over and even showed some insecurity. Now she kinda knows she has me. And that's a BAD feeling. I need to reframe that. How should I go about it?


    The only things I came up with as explainations are:
    1. She was on her first day of her period and just did rather not fuck. Which would be understandable, but she could just tell.
    2. She wants something more serious and didn't want to give the "I fuck on the first date" vibe.


    Any feedback appreciated.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    'At some point she told me that yesterday was the first day of her period'

    Obviously this is a major consideration. Secondly it's much easier to get laid when logistics are easier and a girl doesn't have to travel so far.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    You kept giving her too many reasons to deflect. I'd say you need to focus more on leading without words. When she stops you in your tracks as to whats going on while you're adjusting to the next logistical location give her a reason unrelated to sex. The more sex is talked about the more the mood is dead. You had the right amount of Tension for a date in public. You didnt have your logistics and planning in order. When you're ready to f-close then start calibrating the situation to the next location. Leave it a bit of mystery while leading her with your personality about how much fun you are and how you're going to show her something cool if she comes with you. It doesnt have to be sex--you could say you want to make her your special ice cream treat or something. Leave i a mystery. When she shows up pull out some ingredients and as you let the ice cream thaw to a "perfect tempurature" show her your room and close. You need to stop thinkjng about your problems when they show up and think steps ahead in situations like this. Plan out how you're going to get from point A to point B.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    As for her leading you... She knows the game.. She's making you work for it and knowing she's giving you blue balls. She's trying to see if you can close as well as trying to see if you're relationship material. How do i know this? Because a close friend of mine tolde she does this all the time when she's got like 3 or 5 guys trying to get her attention. The one she bones she never develops relationships with. The guy who she sees 3 or 5 times she'll decide if he's worth a relationship investment and put out then. And by then she'll have trusted her instincts and filtered the other guys.

    Soo... Now you know.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
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    Thumbs down Re: Would fark me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    Thank you for your feedback. I thought I had my logistics figured out, but I was wrong; I assumed that going to my place would be much easier since I had created some Push-Pull.

    And thank you for your friend's insight: I am not sure it is always the case, but I guess it is a very common approach.

    Turns out that, this morning, she backed off. She sent me a long text, the most important parts are these:

    Thank you for a fantastic day yesterday… I enjoyed every minute… I have spent the night thinking, and I don't think I have the courage to jump in… Both because of the distance but also because of the different points we are in our lives…|I envy you that you can live your life 'short sighted', but I can't… […] I am sorry but I have to be rational and realistic here…

    The most important thing that I didn't mention in my threads is that she is a 40 years old mother of two, I am 27.

    Obviously, I am ready to next her. Although I wouldn't want to do that without a last attempt. Also, I hate being dumped by text. So I wanted to meet her over a coffee or something, no expectations. And we could have a conversation.

    I know that, in the Game, a lot of the mistakes men make with women are just trying to be rational with them; however, I also understand that this situation is different because she is indeed a mother with responsibility.


    I would love to have some pointers on how I should approach this last attempt. Because I really don't have any other idea but just rationally. And I can envision it just getting me dumped over a coffee instead that over text as a result.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    It kinda matters and it doesnt too.

    For her she thought it was short sighted in your intentions. Meaning you led her to believe you probably were only interested in sex id assume. If you want to still approach her, ignore her comment about short sightedness as far as relationships go and qualify yourself along the lines of anything can happen. In my experience of meeting couples age does not matter. It takes a stronger man to be with an older, taller or more socially attractive woman. If you presented insecurities she probably felt it. If you didnt and she's just reacting insecure thinking that you're too young it means you probably were ineffective in selling yourself to her ontop of her insecurities. Remeber our society has socially conditioned us to think that a generic couple even by todays standards is a man a few years older than his wife, girlfriend, lover... To break through some of these issues i recommend going for broke and be confident that uou can handle if and own if. Lead and be an emotional badass whose spontaneous and emotionally spiking her interests.

    As i reconsider your story and details i believe you had enough comfort and broken rapport for sex but didnt get past logistics and LMR. What thats means is that she wasnt able to get enough comfort about who you are and how long you're going to be sticking around.

    If you want her, keep at it and make your goal to pick her brain with each question and phase. Dont just talk--actively listen and participate. Connect with her. Still escalate in lerson and give basic Kino too.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    The reference to short-sightedness is actually a reference to something I said. I am physically short-sighted (i.e. I wear glasses), and I did some remarks on that about my life (meaning that I plan with little advance: for example, one day I woke up and moved to Japan the following week; though I was younger and I didn't have anything binding me – relationship or whatever). In hindsight, this spontaneity is perhaps not the best quality for a single mother

    Again, as details that might be important to explain her reluctancy: I am a foreigner who just moved in a handful of months ago. So your comment about her not being sure how long I am going to stick around is spot on.

    Thank you for your advice, it is very insightful. You are saying that I should approach her rationally, right? I mean: speak with her about my intentions and the fact it could work, and challenging her doubts; all the while, obviously, maintaining a good emotional confidence. Did I understand it correctly?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    Well i dont know what you want. Just sex? Or as far as you can take it and by that i mean relationship that would mean marriage.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Would fuck me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    I don't want just sex. It's obviously impossible for me to say that I want to marry her: and not because I am short-sighted, but because it would be just stupid of me.

    I am 27, however, so I am not looking for hookups. I am looking to invest something. Eventually, time will tell: but you have got to invest that time. And that's always a risk from both parts, right?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Would fark me in the park, but not come back to my place. What was wron

    She probably doesn't feel safe.

    Work on trust and comfort:
    One trick: give her one of your belongings to keep while you go to the washroom...she will realize you trust her and she will trust you more. Psychological trick.


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