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  • 2 Post By artandale

Thread: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

  1. #1
    fredyyy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    So recently, I was able to get arrange dates with girls I met online.
    We go on a 1st date, then when I try to keep in touch with the girl, either she stops responding to messages or if the girl is nice she will tells me:
    "I'm not feeling any chemistry..sorry" or

    "you're down to earth, but I don't feel we'll click"...bla bla bla

    This situation happened to me with 5 different girls even though all the girls I met had similar interests or life pattern like me.

    It's really hard to be rejected, and it starts to get into me a little bit. If anyone can give any advice I will really appreciate it. The problem I have nooo idea what I am doing wrong.

    Here are some random facts I do on the date maybe one of these things I do is wrong:

    -I know the importance of body language, and that I should be confident, and keep the conversation positive.
    -I make sure not to be late, and I try to end up the date on a high energy.
    - I walk with the girl to her car and I message her after she gets home and ask her if she arrived.
    -I dress nicely and I make sure my hair is not messy and that I smell good to my dates
    -I am aware that I need to take in consideration the girl's personality and calibrate based on that. I usually make the girl comfortable with me so she won't mind to hold hands when we walk for example.
    -I go for ice cream or some drinks..no restaurents.
    -I noticed myself last date that I was laughing on her silly jokes (maybe I shouldn't be doing that?)
    -I'm not really good at flirting, but i usually compliment the girl on her dress when i first sees her...(maybe that's not enough?). I compensate about that in my conversation. For example, on last date, the girl even sang for me, and I definitely made sure to genuinely compliment her on that
    -I make sure to keep the conversation with the girl on the first date light, far from interview mode, a little bit funny, and she does most of the talk while she knows a little about me.
    -I ask her qualifications questions.
    -I don't know how to do Push-Pull so I don't do any of that.

    any comments or any advice about something I am missing or something I am doing wrong is highly appreciated. Thank you!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    No offense, but you sound like the most boring date ever. What are you doing different than every other guy she's ever dated? Nothing.

    It sounds like you're going full blown nice guy the second you get on a date. Are you teasing her at all? Are you supplicating to everything she says? Is your idea of being funny laughing at her stupid jokes? If a girl tells you a stupid joke, give her a cock-eyed look and laugh at her, not the joke.

    Next, are you kinoing her? You need to move up the sexual escalation ladder when you're on a date. If you don't escalate, you're spinning your tires. My own rule is that, at a minimum, I go for a kiss on first dates EVERY TIME.

    You need to move away from this chump nice guy mentality. It's killing your game.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  3. #3
    fredyyy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    I don't take your comment as an offense because I know at the end it's not about me. It's about MY GAME. I know my game is not working currently. That's why I'm seeking an advice.

    Indeed I'm not good at any of the stuff you mentioned like:
    -teasing
    -I'm not sure what you mean by supplicating to everything she says
    -how do you escalate your Kino? The only kino I'm doing is holding hands.

    if you can give me an example on each of these ideas, so I can have an idea how these techniques work?

    Thank you

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    Hey Fredyyy,

    I can give you some insight on what is going on regarding your game. I will just focus on your external game.

    Women are attracted to a guy who is FUN and CHALLENGING to her.

    From what you've described, those are the key ingredients that are missing. When you are not fun, you are not laying the foundation for sparking good/positive emotions. When you are not challenging to her, you run the risk of giving up your value and you should always try to keep your value at the very least equal to hers, if not greater. You don't always have to completely agree with her 100%.

    I know the importance of body language, and that I should be confident, and keep the conversation positive.
    That's all good and dandy, except that's pretty much what most guys do. That's like getting a college degree nowadays. It's just a piece of paper - an underlying credential. For the art of seduction, you are taking things to a new level. It is a matter of getting her attracted to you and intensifying those feelings.

    In this post here http://www.puaforums.com/pick-up-fie...tml#post123529 I gave a general roadmap on attraction and intensifying those feelings. This roadmap can be used on a regular date as well. The only difference is you are cycling through this framework in your conversation. Attraction - > HVST -> Escalation and pulling back.

    Eventually, when you do it enough, this cycle of vibing with a woman will happen naturally for you...which makes you dangerously attractive. You will definitely see a hell lot more successes on your dates if you get good at this.

    I go for ice cream or some drinks..no restaurents.
    This is fine. The less distracting the environment, the more she can focus on you. You just need to be "the best of you," which right now you are not.

    I noticed myself last date that I was laughing on her silly jokes (maybe I shouldn't be doing that?)
    ONLY IF it is genuinely funny and not forced to make her feel important and give up your value. You can just comment and say "Oh, my god, you are such a silly girl" or "You are so adorable. That's it. I think I'm going to call you [X] from now on." [like my little sister]

    I walk with the girl to her car and I message her after she gets home and ask her if she arrived.
    The trick is how you depart. I'm always the first to say "I gotta go" and give her a seductive brush, long hug, powerful eye contact that projects sexual transference and then break it off. Let her wonder about you. Text her an hour later and all you are going to say is "Glad I met you tonite [her nickname you given her or her full name if you haven't pet named her]." Whether she replies is irrelevant. And do not send any more texts after that reply... So she can invest more thoughts into you.

    I'm not really good at flirting, but i usually compliment the girl on her dress when i first sees her...(maybe that's not enough?).
    Saying you are not good shouldn't be an excuse. Get better if you want more success with women. It's all part of learning the language of emotion, which is part of the art of seduction. Flirting is a form of being sexual and letting her know your intentions off the bat. A guy who is sexy/sexual is one of the hallmark traits of being that desirable guy. This is the difference between getting tossed in friendzone and being a fvckbuddy/girlfriend.

    Teasing done as a form of self-amusement is a way to "bring out the little girl in her" by "bringing her back to the playground." It is a form of disqualifying her as well.

    Playful teasing example:
    You find out the girl is in fashion design school
    YOU: "I know you are not a real fashion designer yet, but can you make me an Armani suit?"
    You find out the girl is an actress.
    YOU:"You are an actress?!! Oh no...My mom told me never date an actress"
    HER: "Why?"
    YOU: "Something about...they are always into one night stands."

    Also it depends on how you complement. I compliment women too, to award them for their investments, if they deserve it.
    YOU: "Wow, you look amazing tonight."
    HER: "Aw Thank you. blah blah blah.
    YOU: "You know, I almost wore the same thing...! But I think you make it look better than I do."

    I compensate about that in my conversation. For example, on last date, the girl even sang for me, and I definitely made sure to genuinely compliment her on that
    And this is fine to reward her and give her some value. Just from that alone you could've move the conversation in a different direction based on her singing like getting her to qualify.

    "What's your most embarrassing moment as a singer?"
    "So tell me Mariah Carey [or whoever she sounds like] if you can get wake up the next morning and have any job in the world? What would it be?"

    I don't know how to do Push-Pull so I don't do any of that.
    Like flirting, you need to get better at this to create sexual tension. Naturals do this all the time without even thinking about it.

    In another recent post here http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...-response.html I spoke about learning to speak the language of emotion to spark attraction in a woman's brain, which is inclusive of push-pulls

    One last thing - Stop saying you got "rejected." Does you no good. By saying this, you are internally putting your value below theirs. These girls shouldn't be on the pedestal, and it's not like you were getting into Harvard. Reframe that part of your inner game as "You were incompatible." I know you said these girls have similar interests and life patterns, but you only met them once. So you don't really know them at all, and there is no way you will in just one date. The girl you will truly be compatible with, the way it works, is you just click. But that is pretty much how most of the guys who don't know the game get their spouses and stay married. Luck of the draw.

  5. #5
    Maverick1027's Avatar
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    Stop putting her on a pedestal. Only compliment her if she earns the compliment - but don't go over the top with the compliments. Always remember - she needs to be winning your attention ... not you winning hers. Throw in some playful negs (NEGs are NOT NECESSARILY insults!) ... show her that you have standards and that she has to meet them. Don't EVER ASK HER TO DO ANYTHING. Tell her what to do - you're in control - you're the dude. There are small exceptions to this: If you say - we are going to a seafood restaurant but she says I'm allergic to seafood - that's an exception. lol. But, if you're game is on point, you would know that she's not allergic to seafood before you take her there. Let her order her own shit - don't order for her. DON'T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING SHE SAYS. Especially if you don't actually agree with it. Speak your mind. Don't be scared. Guys who "go with the flow" and just agree with the girl lose so much value and girls pick up on it. By speaking your mind, you offer so much more to the conversation.

    Kino - flirt with her by doing something that involves you "reading her palm" or touching your hands in someway. Then maybe, in a few minutes, when you tell her a story, put your arm around her and pull her in so you can say it in her ear. Stuff like that.

    EYE CONTACT IS IMPORTANT! Always maintain strong eye contact, even if she breaks it. If you do have to look away for whatever reason (it's natural to look away when thinking about what you're saying) then look to the side or look up. NEVER LOOK DOWN.

    BE CONFIDENT AND SECURE! YOU'RE THE COOLEST DUDE SHE KNOWS AND IF SHE DOESN'T SEE IT, SHE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

    There's a lot more to it - but I don't want to overburden you. It sounds like your game needs some serious work and I don't know if I have the ability to get you moving in the right direction via an online forum. But take the tips I've given you (and everyone else) and do what you remember.

  6. #6
    fredyyy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    Thank you both I.M.Mortaland Maverick1027.

    I.M.Mortal: I really liked how you went through my questions one by one. I'm definitely including more fun and challenge to my future interactions with girls. And as you said It's not about rejection, it's about "we're not COMPATIBLE".

    Maverick1027: Thank you as well. Your post is like a slap on my face. Some necessary changes have to be made specially about being more confident and have the mentality that "I'm coolest guy she ever met". I'm just not sure about using playful negs...I'm not familiar with that term???

  7. #7
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    When a word is capitalized and underlined and red, it's a common term. clicking it links to a thread that defines the term. So just click the word neg

  8. #8
    Maverick1027's Avatar
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    Quote Originally Posted by fredyyy View Post
    Thank you both I.M.Mortaland Maverick1027.

    I.M.Mortal: I really liked how you went through my questions one by one. I'm definitely including more fun and challenge to my future interactions with girls. And as you said It's not about rejection, it's about "we're not COMPATIBLE".

    Maverick1027: Thank you as well. Your post is like a slap on my face. Some necessary changes have to be made specially about being more confident and have the mentality that "I'm coolest guy she ever met". I'm just not sure about using playful negs...I'm not familiar with that term???
    A neg isn’t an insult. A neg, rather, is merely the kind of comment that someone who was interested in her wouldn’t make.

    "Nice nails. Are they real?"
    "You and I would not get along, we’re too alike!"
    "Your palms are sweaty."
    "Is she always like this?"
    "Oh, you're one of THOSE."

    Guys screw up by delivering those classic negs as zingers, but a neg doesn’t work if it feels like you’re trying to get one over on her.

    The more attractive the woman, the more negs you will likely need. It's a delicate balance and finding what works can only be done in the field. So, go game!

  9. #9
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    I think the most important thing most guys including yourself Fredyyy is that you aren't having fun and its showing. When you escalate or converse it should be because you wanted to. Everything should bd about you and where you want to take things so you can have fun and in turn you'll make sure shes having fun. When she's having fun she'll laugh and smile and accept your approach and intensions positively. When she doesnt seem interested she'll sit on the fence like she's twiddling her thumbs waiting for the next guy. Why the next guy? Because maybe he knows how to have fun. Having fun is a good and positive distraction. Don't wait for her response to escalate. Intiate and create the situation to allow her to be comfortable enough to accept your Kino and intensions. Dont focus on closing. Focus on having a good time to create memories. When things are at their best she'll start latching on towards you and make it easy for you to escalate. Don't focus on the problems--focus on escalating your time to the best time. Make jokes, tell stories and create Tension to get responses out of her so you can smile, laugh and kino to reward her for being in your company. Give yourself some value and lead.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I failed to get a second date Five times...Advice is needed

    You seem to know enough about pickup theory, now you just need to put it into practice. Build attraction by breaking rapport and get her to qualify herself. Escalate and take some risks in the interaction. You need to go for the kiss on the first date or else she won't know you mean business. If logistics are good enough and you have enough attraction and comfort, you can even get a SNL on a first date.
    Elevate Your Game | Check out my blog for lay reports, attraction and dancefloor game tips !

    willedward.com


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