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Thread: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

  1. #11
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    SORRY FOR THE LONG POST BUT THE DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT

    Thanks dude. Here is the update: I would like to know if this was the right way to handle the situation.

    So I went to her house party and was a good time. Danced with her and flirted as well.
    However she was flirting a bit more (body language and eyes gave it away) with another dude we both know (as I suspected there was another guy; he happens to be the senior dance instructor in our place and I am the junior dance instructor; the HB is a relatively new dancer in the troupe)

    So when we headed off to a club this continued as well. We were all dancing a lot around each other. But it was clear to me that she was always beside him and dancing with him (i guess she finds him more physically attractive as he is taller and a bit muscular). Occasionally I was dancing with her as well but then as i realized this more I disappeared and started dancing with other girls and went around the club.

    So like around 2 in the morning the senior dance instructor leaves and it is just a few of us left dancing (few girls and her house mates and a dude who was hitting on her as well). They were on the dance floor and I did join them but made my absence felt as I disappeared time to time talking to other girls (but not that she could see them)

    Finally we ended up at her home (8-9 people), had some food and so on. I was talking to her time to time. Towards the morning (5 am) nearly everyone left.
    That's when she changed suddenly and started talking to me more personally. Saying why was i not at the floor dancing with her disappearing time to time like I was avoiding her. I told her it was her birthday and she had to be with people and it was not about me. I told her it was her who was avoiding me all evening. (I was actually pissed off she said that after having flirted with another guy earlier in the evening but I did not mention him or any of that).

    She then started saying she was glad i was there and she was happy to see me. Then we started talking about how I was gonna blindfold her to make drink champagne (internal jokes). This is the point where she said she was confused as she was still seeing her ex-BF sometimes and that they were nearly broken off after 7 years. That she needed time on her own and was not looking for something. I said to that "well i am not asking you to marry me" and kept it light as if it did not mean much.
    She said she was sorry and wanted me to be around and talk to her as we always did (my talk with her has always been sexual and flirty). I said I cant do that. I added "all that passion i see in our eyes, all of that you are just gonna let it go away, that's disappointing".

    She tried to make it as if I was angry at her. But I said " I know we had a moment (the makeout session from 2 weeks before) and that I like you but that's the way it will be". She almost went into tears when I left (as she knew I was not going to be the same anymore)

    I really like her but seems she has serious issues (flirting with other guys, ex-BF issues). I will run into her every week as we are in the same dance troupe.

    1. Do i still flirt with her or really freeze her out (or worse be nice to her) ?

    2. Do I make a statement if she sends me a message or chats to me again like "remember the next time u bitch to ur friends about not being able to find an amazing guy, tell her how u met one and managed to fuck it up" . what do i lose?


    I would REALLY REALLY appreciate feedback on this since I am getting a bit frustrated with such stuff happening a second time to me.

  2. #12
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Funny enough, she has sent me a message saying she was thrilled i was at the party and it would not have been a party without me. That she does not want to open the bottle of champagne I got her. Hoping there will be some occasion at some point to open that bottle together.

    I for once feel I should just walk away and maybe just reply "thanks. probably not but u never know"

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    That's when she changed suddenly and started talking to me more personally.
    You were the only person there of course this happened.
    I told her it was her birthday and she had to be with people and it was not about me.
    This is golden.
    I told her it was her who was avoiding me all evening.
    This is not. Now, she knows that you care if she is scarce. So, expect her to be so when she wants to mess with your head.
    (I was actually pissed off she said that after having flirted with another guy earlier in the evening but I did not mention him or any of that).
    Good job.
    she was still seeing her ex-BF sometimes and that they were nearly broken off after 7 years. That she needed time on her own and was not looking for something. I said to that "well i am not asking you to marry me" and kept it light as if it did not mean much.

    If these 5 years in the game have taught me one thing, it is this: Whenever and wherever a girl says I have a BF or I'm not looking for anything ( a sign you are in the friend zone), the best reply is : "And you're telling me this because?" Then I Roll Off or in your case give negative body language.
    She said she was sorry and wanted me to be around and talk to her as we always did (my talk with her has always been sexual and flirty)
    You clearly think that because it's sexual, you can't possibly be in the friend zone, but my friend you clearly are.
    1. Do i still flirt with her or really freeze her out (or worse be nice to her) ?
    Be nice to her, but give her negative body language.
    2. Do I make a statement if she sends me a message or chats to me again like "remember the next time u bitch to ur friends about not being able to find an amazing guy, tell her how u met one and managed to fuck it up" . what do i lose?
    No that is petty.
    Funny enough, she has sent me a message saying she was thrilled i was at the party and it would not have been a party without me. That she does not want to open the bottle of champagne I got her. Hoping there will be some occasion at some point to open that bottle together.

    I for once feel I should just walk away and maybe just reply "thanks. probably not but u never know"
    If you answer like that you're acknowledging her frame. Say: we can open it with other people there.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  4. #14
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Dude thanks a lot ! It get more clear when u break it down.

    I wasn't the last one there in fact there were still 5 or so people and also one guy who was previously hitting on her and she came sat aside me to start a more intimate conversation. Guess it means nothing now though so no stress on it.


    1. When I say "And you're telling me this because?" --- what if she says its obvious and we kissed and so on ? It might backfire on me as if the kiss did not mean anything to me, no ?

    2. If I am nice to her even with the negative body language am I not walking into her definition of us as being friends only? I feel it will reinforce her "he is now being friendly; so maybe he is a friend" notion , no ?
    Maybe I am missing something there !

    3. So now when I meet her I greet her, ask her how her day was and treat her like an acquaintance along with acting aloof and negative body language , is that the way ?

    4. What if she actually does invite me then to open the bottle with some of her friends around her ? Again it feels like I would be walking into the friend zone myself if I do that.


    Thanks again

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    1. When I say "And you're telling me this because?" --- what if she says its obvious and we kissed and so on ? It might backfire on me as if the kiss did not mean anything to me, no ?
    True, but did it really mean anything to her if she doesn't want to do it again. Sometimes, it can just be physical man. As for its obvious say I think you're reading too much into my actions.

    2. If I am nice to her even with the negative body language am I not walking into her definition of us as being friends only? I feel it will reinforce her "he is now being friendly; so maybe he is a friend" notion , no ?
    Maybe I am missing something there !
    What I mean by this is talk to her but don't give her the time of day. It's hard for me to explain it because there is no expression for it in English.
    3. So now when I meet her I greet her, ask her how her day was and treat her like an acquaintance along with acting aloof and negative body language , is that the way
    Say hey how are you with a polite smile but don't stick around.
    4. What if she actually does invite me then to open the bottle with some of her friends around her ? Again it feels like I would be walking into the friend zone myself if I do that.
    Ditch her
    NOTE: I firmly believe none of your scenarios will happen, especially not the last one
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  6. #16
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Thanks dude.

    I have had a total Freeze Out since the last 4 days (she messaged me on facebook with some party pics and of course that last message on text)

    Do u think its ok to send a reply to the message after a break of 5 days as i will run into her this weekend for sure ?

    Just a friendly one like "thanks for the pics, hope u enjoyed the party, cheers"

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Yes man it's cool. 30 caracters have to be sacrificed for the internet gods
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  8. #18
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Yeah sure


    However unlike what you thought will not happen, it is happening.
    I did keep it casual and easy. Also so did I when I met her.
    She noticed very well my negative body language and that I was being nice but aloof.

    She sent me a text at 4 in the morning (after the dance party ended where we met) clearly indicating she felt I was different and not talking to her the way I used to.

    She suggested that we get together and open that bottle with her.

    Women are a piece of work aren't they ?

    What say u ?

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Quote Originally Posted by rom9 View Post
    Yeah sure


    However unlike what you thought will not happen, it is happening.
    I did keep it casual and easy. Also so did I when I met her.
    She noticed very well my negative body language and that I was being nice but aloof.

    She sent me a text at 4 in the morning (after the dance party ended where we met) clearly indicating she felt I was different and not talking to her the way I used to.

    She suggested that we get together and open that bottle with her.

    Women are a piece of work aren't they ?

    What say u ?
    No they didn't. She didn't tell you to open it with her friends, and she didn't say it's obvious we kissed. So, I'm still in the right.
    If you do it, you'll have to nail her. This is your chance. Kino escalate and look for how to beat LMR techniques because I have a feeling you will face it.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  10. #20
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Keeping the attraction when she is overseas

    Oh ok, I thought otherwise ! Thanks

    I think my problem is I really like her and cant wait to get her into bed !

    I did not respond to that text and I still haven't. But I ran into her at the dance troupe (no way out) and I was the same, nice but aloof !

    When I left the place, she happened to be just behind me and shouted out to stop me saying "sorry I am accidentally stalking you". I did not entertain her much just simple banter, social talk asking about work (since she lives on my way home so couldn't avoid her) while staying away from her and not being totally interested (negative body language).
    Did not kiss her on the cheek as to say bye (usually u do that to here). Just left and told her "sorry couldn't respond to the text. cya thursday (thats the next dance troupe meeting)". She said that's ok there is no pressure and we parted ways.

    I think I fucked up by saying "i did not reply !" Did I ?

    Really need to know what to do here ! I hate it that I am losing my mind over this one. But I think it is teaching me a lot ! DO let me know what u think dude. Thanks a million !


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