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Thread: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPUA

  1. #1
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPUA

    Guys, please... I need help. A while back I met a girl in the metro, I was a bit drunk and missing Berlin, in which I lived for the summer, now I live in Paris.

    When I told her I missed Berlin, she assumed I studied there, I didn't correct her...worse, I started telling my dhv stories but changed the setting to Berlin in stead of Beirut.


    Tonight I had a date with her and wanted to say that I lied, but I couldn't. We kissed and I let LMR beat me, something I don't normally do. I did it because I feel so wrong and low. I really feel like a low life bastard.

    I'm not in the game to lie or hurt women. I really am not. I don't want to sleep with her or anyone else like this on a lie.

    I'm supposed to see her this Saturday, should I just flat out say it from the beginning?? Or build a bit of positive energy, fun vibes, get her in that flirty mood and then say it?

    I'm thinking: wait till we get to her apartment, and then come out after we start kissing heavily... Make it really sentimental and sweet. Telling her exactly what I said before, That I'm not going to sleep with her on a lie. That she can kick me out if she wants to. That I'd rather her be just my friend, than sleeping with me on a lie.


    Thoughts ???

    P.S: Just a random detail she's 34 I'm 23

    P.P.S.: If you're scared of buyer's remorse or flakes say something at the end like: Don't break my heart... Promise me you won't break my heart...
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Hey Xavier,

    First of all, are you planning on making this girl you're gf? Cas the age gap would seem to be a barrier? If you know she wants to get serious with you, here are 2 scenarios...

    1. When she rocks up, relax, get her a drink, lead her away to somewhere private and quiet-ish. Tell her you need to tell her something. Build it up... pause, stress a bit, make sure you convey how uncomfortable and awkward this is for you, with your body language and your words. Tell her you have led her astray (builds the bad boy image hehe) and affirm her a few times ("you're just awesome, arggh, I don't want to tell you..." or "I just dig you") and then when she sees your distress, she will draw it out of you. (Unless she is a heartless monster, in which case, run lol)

    When you have built it up to be a big deal in her mind, tell her the truth (even mention that you wanted to impress her and you were just 'going with the flow') and then watch her reaction carefully when you tell her the truth. If you successfully made out that you thought it was a big deal (which I think from your q above, you do) then she will actually respect you more for coming clean. She may just brush it off or she may be a little upset. Depending on how well you work it.

    Scenario 2. Tell her if either you or her make reference to the subject/lie in the near future. Come clean and correct yourself then. This one is more natural.

    Personally I would only use scenario 1 if you are SURE she wants you as a boyfriend (I'm considering your age, no offence dude) cas it sounds like you are a pretty integral guy who wants to do the right thing and just got a bit carried away. Stop beating yourself up about it. You're making it a bigger deal than it should be.

    Up to you of course... Let us know how you get on man.

    Myst
    Last edited by mystique; 03-02-2016 at 06:11 PM. Reason: Grammar!
    You will never do ANYTHING in this world without COURAGE. - Aristotle

  3. #3
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Why Xavier, why? I know you were drunk but lying about where you went to school doesn't make any sense. You could have just told the truth and still told her your stories. You would have picked her up regardless.

    I doubt this woman wants a relationship with you, she's just too old. Personally I would just tell her.

    You: Hey I lied to you. I didn't go to school in Berlin, I lived there for the summer. I actually went to school in Beirut. I got carried away in the moment.

    Then leave it at that. Take responsibility and make no excuses. If she's upset tell her you understand and if she doesn't want to see you anymore that's ok. Don't make it a big deal, take responsibility, then let it play out. That's all you can do.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    I second Direct ^ & I don't think she wants to be in a relationship with you

    I also think you're making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be because you want a relationship with her. Your entire issue has to deal with your own personal ethics. I don't think what you did was all that bad to be honest. It's a small white lie about where you went to school? Cmon man. There's much worse you could lie about.

    despite that, you want advice on how to tell her the truth, & spin it the best way possible...

    1.) Make sure your in the right headspace and you have your own state and inner-game rock solid when you talk to her next
    2.) make her laugh, then reference studying and how you did something cool while you studied in BEIRUT. Bring this up however, tell another dhv story if you have to. When she says, I thought you said you studied in Berlin? You just laugh it off, control the frame, and tell her you must of gotten caught up in the moment because you meant to say Beirut. Really play it off as a funny mistake, and she will laugh too and not even think twice about your white lie. A little teasing will really drive this home too. Just make it natural & you'll be gold.

    easy cheesy

  5. #5
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Hey Xavier!

    I agree with Kyl3. It doesn't seem that big a deal so I think we can assume you really care for this woman, which is awesome. Not sure where she stands with you though.

    You can totally tell her the truth and be fine. This is a great opportunity for rapport building, but I would avoid making it sound like the worst thing possible. More like that it just bothers you a bit.

    You can totally straight up tell her "I don't know why I said those things. I guess I like you more than I thought I did and I care what you think of me. Which is so strange for me to care how anyone thinks of me." BOOM you just made some great rapport.

    BUT.... and this is a big booty BUT!....if she is not in a similar place as you and sees all of this as casual you will lose a alot of points with her and it'll be a disaster.

    This is the way I feel about expressing ones feelings:

    When someone expresses themselves they automatically lose power points. They are making themselves vulnerable to the other person and there isn't really anything you can do to NOT lose power when expressing your feelings. HOWEVER, if the person reciprocates and expresses themselves then they are losing points as well and basically giving you back power points. So a good relationship will constantly have this back and forth and exchange of power points because they're both expressing themselves. At least this is the way I view things.

    So it pretty much depends how you think she'll reciprocate. If she smiles awkwardly and says "Hey man. It's not a big deal. Chill out" then you lost. If she says "Wow I had no idea I was that important to you. I feel the same way" then you're golden.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Quote Originally Posted by mystique View Post
    Hey Xavier,

    First of all, are you planning on making this girl you're gf? Cas the age gap would seem to be a barrier? If you know she wants to get serious with you, here are 2 scenarios...

    1. When she rocks up, relax, get her a drink, lead her away to somewhere private and quiet-ish. Tell her you need to tell her something. Build it up... pause, stress a bit, make sure you convey how uncomfortable and awkward this is for you, with your body language and your words. Tell her you have led her astray (builds the bad boy image hehe) and affirm her a few times ("you're just awesome, arggh, I don't want to tell you..." or "I just dig you") and then when she sees your distress, she will draw it out of you. (Unless she is a heartless monster, in which case, run lol)

    When you have built it up to be a big deal in her mind, tell her the truth (even mention that you wanted to impress her and you were just 'going with the flow') and then watch her reaction carefully when you tell her the truth. If you successfully made out that you thought it was a big deal (which I think from your q above, you do) then she will actually respect you more for coming clean. She may just brush it off or she may be a little upset. Depending on how well you work it.

    Scenario 2. Tell her if either you or her make reference to the subject/lie in the near future. Come clean and correct yourself then. This one is more natural.

    Personally I would only use scenario 1 if you are SURE she wants you as a boyfriend (I'm considering your age, no offence dude) cas it sounds like you are a pretty integral guy who wants to do the right thing and just got a bit carried away. Stop beating yourself up about it. You're making it a bigger deal than it should be.

    Up to you of course... Let us know how you get on man.

    Myst
    I'm feeling scenario one more...it's more of what I had in mind... Thank you !!
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    Why Xavier, why? I know you were drunk but lying about where you went to school doesn't make any sense. You could have just told the truth and still told her your stories. You would have picked her up regardless.

    I doubt this woman wants a relationship with you, she's just too old. Personally I would just tell her.

    You: Hey I lied to you. I didn't go to school in Berlin, I lived there for the summer. I actually went to school in Beirut. I got carried away in the moment.

    Then leave it at that. Take responsibility and make no excuses. If she's upset tell her you understand and if she doesn't want to see you anymore that's ok. Don't make it a big deal, take responsibility, then let it play out. That's all you can do.
    It is isn't it ??? It's 100 % the truth but in a different setting!!!

    You're right... but I do feel like she wants a relationship...maybe not with me though... it would be cool however, to date an older woman and not just have it be about sex, I feel.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  8. #8
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyl3 View Post
    I second Direct ^ & I don't think she wants to be in a relationship with you

    I also think you're making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be because you want a relationship with her. Your entire issue has to deal with your own personal ethics. I don't think what you did was all that bad to be honest. It's a small white lie about where you went to school? Cmon man. There's much worse you could lie about.

    despite that, you want advice on how to tell her the truth, & spin it the best way possible...

    1.) Make sure your in the right headspace and you have your own state and inner-game rock solid when you talk to her next
    2.) make her laugh, then reference studying and how you did something cool while you studied in BEIRUT. Bring this up however, tell another dhv story if you have to. When she says, I thought you said you studied in Berlin? You just laugh it off, control the frame, and tell her you must of gotten caught up in the moment because you meant to say Beirut. Really play it off as a funny mistake, and she will laugh too and not even think twice about your white lie. A little teasing will really drive this home too. Just make it natural & you'll be gold.

    easy cheesy
    Love it... I can see it work...why is everyone telling me she doesn't want a relationship with me ?...)) I like her and would like to keep her around as one of my girlfriends, but not with a single lie...even a stupid little one that I now realize I'm blowing out of proportion...
    Thanks Dude !! btw I have you on FB right ?
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  9. #9
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Hey Xavier!

    I agree with Kyl3. It doesn't seem that big a deal so I think we can assume you really care for this woman, which is awesome. Not sure where she stands with you though.

    You can totally tell her the truth and be fine. This is a great opportunity for rapport building, but I would avoid making it sound like the worst thing possible. More like that it just bothers you a bit.

    You can totally straight up tell her "I don't know why I said those things. I guess I like you more than I thought I did and I care what you think of me. Which is so strange for me to care how anyone thinks of me." BOOM you just made some great rapport.

    BUT.... and this is a big booty BUT!....if she is not in a similar place as you and sees all of this as casual you will lose a alot of points with her and it'll be a disaster.

    This is the way I feel about expressing ones feelings:

    When someone expresses themselves they automatically lose power points. They are making themselves vulnerable to the other person and there isn't really anything you can do to NOT lose power when expressing your feelings. HOWEVER, if the person reciprocates and expresses themselves then they are losing points as well and basically giving you back power points. So a good relationship will constantly have this back and forth and exchange of power points because they're both expressing themselves. At least this is the way I view things.

    So it pretty much depends how you think she'll reciprocate. If she smiles awkwardly and says "Hey man. It's not a big deal. Chill out" then you lost. If she says "Wow I had no idea I was that important to you. I feel the same way" then you're golden.
    She told me she liked me and at the end of the date told me to not break her heart when I teased her about not breaking mine, but that doesn't mean anything really I've had it with meaningless flings before...

    OMG !! That's so true ! You're a fucking prophet )) I think she won't care I'll just laugh it off like Kyle suggested...
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: xavier's first question in a long time -- only answer if you are an MPU

    Good luck Xavier, lets us know how it went.


    I have nothing to say since these fellas took care of business.


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