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Thread: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a girl on

  1. #1
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a girl on

    Backstory: Very cute girl; interested in me quiet clearly. After some banter I asked for her number (she has previously asked me if i was on Facebook but i said i prefer to have the phone number). She sends me the first text after a few days. I role play (husband and wife) and it goes superb.

    She asks me out for a drink and we meet up in a bar. Lots of IOIs, Kino (hand holding, talking closely, talking about relationships, quirky things we do). I think I did very well in getting to know her and emotionally connecting. She is leaving the country in 3 weeks (I knew that from the first meet) to travel. We have a 12 year difference but it does not seem to matter at all.

    Talking about relationships we talk about how we are when we date and things like that. She said she had gone out on a date with a couple of guys before in my city (she is here 3 months and leaving soon) but nothing went any further. She said she loves my company and likes to be with me. I reciprocated her response. Then somehow we started talking about serious and casual relationships. Both agreed it was right to be fair and open about what you are looking for. I asked her what she was looking for. She said she was looking for someone to travel with (so basically quiet a serious relationship). I made it clear I was not looking for a relationship especially when she was going to go away. I added that to me it was more important to enjoy her company than anything else right now to which she agreed but said she would feel bad if she got involved and had to leave in 3 weeks. When we finally departed, she said she wanted to see me again maybe just to get a casual drink (came across as two friends hanging out). I turned it down and said we decided to go our own ways as we want different things. She seemed disappointment and said I was being cold. I am not sure where we stand now as I will see her again at social gatherings.

    Did I mess it up by saying clearly I was not looking for something serious ? Or did I mess it up by not saying I could meet her again later on and see if i could then escalate? What would be the best thing to do next ?

  2. #2
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    This happened to me several years ago, I walked away from a college girl who was going back to school in a few weeks, we had a nine year age difference. Like you I ended up seeing her from time to time, because we had many similar hobbies. Things just got awkward. She then left the country to study abroad, but we kept in contact, I realized how much I actually liked her, and it took me over a year to smooth things over again, and even then we didn't connect like we did initially. She met some other guy, and we went our own ways again.

    To be blunt I think you've lost your chance, at least for now, perhaps if she shows up in your life again, in the capacity that you want her to be things might work out, the one plus is you were honest with her from the start. The problem is if you go back to her now, it'll just make you look weak, since you've already declared your position. If I were in your position I would take a reactive stand, play off of her reaction, if she shows interest then reciprocate, but if you show interest I think it would turn out badly. If you see her out, always be the most fun guy in the room, she might still find her way over to you.

  3. #3
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    I feel I had a chance but at some sort of weird relationship where she leaves in few weeks time that would simply not materialize. I could have lied to her and said lets see where this goes knowing very well where it will. Plausible deniability !
    May be me being honest was not the best thing then !

  4. #4
    Hands is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    I've learned to always leave the door open, I may perceive the situation in a certain light, due to my perspective, but there is no guarantee that it will turn out that way, or that my perception was correct to begin with.

    In this situation, it seems like there are other things going on, so it makes it a hard call to say if honesty was the best thing or not. It sounded like you felt like you were getting friendzoned, so you decided to strike first, which isn't the worse thing, even though there are uncomfortable feelings, due to hurt pride, now associated with you, she still has reason to respect you, which actually keeps you out of the friendzone. So like I said just keep generating attraction, or find some other way to over ride that touch of negativity and if she comes back around she'll be more open to a casual hook up. Though I feel thats unlikely since she already said she wanted something serious. You never know though.

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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    One never knows what the future holds and neither do you. It's better to leave the option open. This is what I used to say.

    "I have to wait 6 months before considering something serious with someone." that's it. The thing is most of them don't last 6 months. But you would've had an amazing 3 months. And if she did last 6 months....why the hell aren't you getting serious? Lol.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    She doesn't want something serious. You're over thinking it. Regardless of what she want's you could have slept with her. Grow some balls and make a move. :-)

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  10. #7
    rom9 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    Thanks guys. Update here.
    I tired to restart the conversation with the role play from earlier. Said I was sick (i am actually) and would love to have the wife over to care. She just said sorry. So I kept the conversation going a bit more with some light banter on how I can send in some magic carpet (reference from a previous story we have). It was late night and she was going to bed. Her exact words were "Poor Carpet. So I am going to sleep now. Good night (victory sign)."
    That's cold !!

    I just replied. " the caret seems to like u. Good night!"
    She seems hurt that I did not agree the last time to go out again for a drink. Any chance I can turn this around.
    I was thinking of being honest again and just saying that I loved spending time with her and I felt that I acted like a jerk the last time.

    what do u think guys ?

  11. #8
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    I'm gonna go with you lost it. Sorry brah :/. Girls are emotional creatures. You set an emotional reaction off in her, not a pleasant one. Psychology shows that for every negative emotional inflection, it takes at LEAST 7 positive reactions to negate the negative one. That means you would have to come on to her hard, and I mean, hard, core.

    I'll say, and hope I'm wrong, that all you can do is chalk this up as a learning experience.

    There are two things it sounds like... you either are uncomfortable with the idea of a short sexual relationship with a woman. Or, your conservative in the sense that it's not something you'd look for (and maybe your trying to convince yourself you are?), which makes sense why you are looking for something long term (don't question yourself than bro!)

    Either way, if you wanted her, you'd eat your pride in the initial moment, tell her you don't care how long she is here, and suck on her upper lip. Your mistake was only in the initial moment. You need to know what you want. No help in the emotional short term, I know, TRUST ME, I know. But if it doesn't, it will pass in time, that I know too
    You don't need her

  12. #9
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    Did I mess it up by saying clearly I was not looking for something serious ?
    that's not a mistake, that's called being open and honest.

    she said she wanted to see me again maybe just to get a casual drink (came across as two friends hanging out). I turned it down and said we decided to go our own ways as we want different things. She seemed disappointment and said I was being cold. I am not sure where we stand now as I will see her again at social gatherings.
    of course she's disappointed. she just connected well with you, and then you told her you didn't want to ever see her again as if she meant nothing to you unless she was f*cking you.

    you made her feel special and appreciated, and then you took all those good feelings away from her and made her feel like you don't really value her at all.

    in her mind, if you genuinely enjoyed her company, you would be happy to hang out just to talk. telling her you wouldn't do that just makes her feel used by you and as if she's dodging a bullet by not sleeping with you.

    Its always better to leave the option of hanging out at a later time open. for all you know, next time she would come to your city she might be more willing to hook up with you.

  13. #10
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    Default Re: Is it the correct approach to be frank about your intentions with a gir

    I agree with meteora. And with so little time left before she leaves I don't think you'll be able to recover. You could try apologizing for being a jerk bit. It's 50/50 if it would work though.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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