After reading Ceese’s Thread entitled, “friend zone Help” I thought of a story that I owe to men everywhere to tell. Everyone had great responses, but I wanted to go into HOW I developed a similar Mindset and WHY it would benefit you to think accordingly. It’s on both the friend zone as well as long distance relationships/One-itis. Here we go.
I spent the summer between my senior year in high school and freshman year in college working at a church camp. It was a blast man; definitely the best summer of my life. Anyway I had met this girl there who was—and still is—a truly fantastic woman. Hands down beautiful inside and out. To ascribe a number to her would be degrading. So we spent the summer working together and continued to talk throughout that following school year. She ended up working at camp again next year, while I chose instead to work for a heavy equipment company. I was invited to come visit (which of course I did) and had another summer for the books.
Another school year, another nine months of difficult communication. We would always joke back and forth about visiting each other, all the while blanketing a dead-serious undertone. Finally I just said, “______, just say when.” She did, and I was happier than fat kid with an ice cream cone.
I drove for 12 hours. 6 there, 6 back. In the winter. Through a snowstorm. All in one trip with no sleep. As I drove there I literally watched cars in front of me slide into ditches filled with 4 feet of water. On the trip home I had to stop multiple times to piss out the energy drinks I had chugged in order to stay awake. She said I could have stayed, but where’s the chivalry? Where’s the respect? I wasn’t about that and wouldn’t allow myself.
So, was it worth it? Hell yeah it was worth it. We had a blast. I can’t think of a better time spent with a girl. Weeks later I asked her to be my girlfriend. Honestly, things get fuzzy for me here. I don’t remember a lot of it, probably because I didn’t WANT to remember a lot of it. All I remember is that she didn’t say yes. We stopped talking. I went numb, which slowly turned to indifference as time went on.
That summer coming, which happens to be summer last, I worked at a different camp. I was hanging out with some friends around a bonfire when she called.
“I thought you might like an explanation for why I did what I did.”
“Sure, I guess.”
“Blah blah blah.”
I got turned down because I didn’t ask her in person. I thanked her for sharing then hung up and walked over to my cousin who was also working at camp that summer. Being the great person that she is, she listened to me explode:
Why did she call me? Why now? Why not months ago? Why not when it mattered? I’ve already accepted it, thanked God for what it was, and moved on. I don’t want an explanation. Not now. Not anymore. And in person? IN farkING PERSON?!? Yeah, alright. Brb gonna charge up the teleportation machine, nbd. Let’s be rational. Let’s be realistic.
She said that she wanted to still be friends. I said no, I have plenty of friends. I don’t need any more friends. I want you to be my girlfriend, and if you aren’t going to be that then you don’t get friend benefits. It’s not fair to me. She didn’t like that, and we don’t really talk anymore, but I still get the random Skype message like clockwork. You know, every couple months. “Hey, long time no talk.” “Just wondering how you’ve been, hope all is well.” “Wish we talked more.” And the occasional accusations of being a jerk or an asshole. Whatever.
That’s it. The End. sh1tty ending but that’s how it works in the real world, especially here. Here’s what I learned and what I want you to take away from this so you don’t make the same mistake(s) as me:
Throw out any and all preconceived notions that love or attraction is simply something that happens. You can create love. You are in charge of its creation and evolution. If I had played my cards right maybe I’d be engaged by now (that’s a scary thought).
^^^read the first two sentences in the previous paragraph again. Encompass that into the core of your inner being. That’s the foundation of all the sh1t we do here.
Next time you think a girl is “different” or “special,” smack yourself. If you do something ridiculously out of your way to win her favor, (I don’t know, like drive 6 hours through a snowstorm to see her) smack yourself again. She is not a goddess, she is a girl. She cannot walk on water. She will die if she doesn’t eat. She will cry when hurt. She farts and poops. She has problems just like everyone else. She is human, so treat her like one. This revelation is a key proponent in overcoming One-itis and is CRUCIAL if you ever want to conquer the social dysfunction commonly attributed to a one woman infatuation. Internalize that all women are virtually the same (work with me here) so we shouldn’t talk to a HB10 any differently than the fat chick eating cake in the corner. THAT is how you conquer the cognitive illness of One-itis and implement it practically into your daily life with women.
And one last note: I’m not saying there aren’t women that will blow your mind. On the contrary, I’ve been lucky enough to meet a few. But instead of THINKING that they’re a gift to you from God, KNOW that they are a gift to you from God. You aren’t going to know unless you get your feet wet, so jump into the pool of women. When you find that awesome girl, hold on to her. Go meet a dozen other women and see where she stands. If she turns out to be a little less than your original thoughts you’ll be glad you did your research. If you met a plethora of other girls and no one else measures up, you KNOW you’ve got a good thing, and I’m really happy for you man.
Really long, I know. Hope it was worth it. Cheers.