Hey guys, welcome to the first entry of my journal. I'm making one because I feel like writing things down helps me to get some insight in my game and development, and helps me get rid of some negative emotions.

I already started on one a couple of weeks ago because I wanted to turn it into a free e-book after one to two years, but apparently I didn't have the discipline to make daily entries so I quit after less than a week.

Anyway, now I'm making this journal by posting on these forums on a regular basis. Because of the above reasons and because Carlos Xuma reminded me it's a good thing to do in Bill's new program. So here we go.

First a little background info. I'm turning twenty-three next month and have never really been successful with women. I got laid once. I've been studying PUA for over a year now and have practised by approaching somewhere between 30-40 women. I opened them all direct and left after doing so. I'm at the point where I want to transition beyond the opener. It all takes a little long, I know, but I come from a point where I nearly accepted that I'd never have sex with a beautiful woman and possibly not even a wife or children. So I've made some amazing progress so far.

That's it for the background info. On to the present. Lately my inner game has been going up and down. A couple of days ago I opened three HB8+ between the ages of 22 and 26. They all responded well and when I passed one of them again I noticed her smiling at me. I opened all three of them with amazing ease and confidence. Hell, I never felt more confident about my ability to attract women than after that. So I decided it was time to move on and start moving beyond the opener. I asked Suave Kino for help and made a thread on it, but haven't been able to put things to use yet. So that's the good news.

It really went down three days ago. There's a girl my sister has recently moved in with (they hire an apartment). I've known her for a year and she's fairly attractive. I went over there to visit them and it became quite late. My sister and her boyfriend fell asleep in her room and the girl offered me to sleep in her bed, or I could take the couch. I don't think I have to tell you which I picked.

The thing is, I was tired and didn't feel alpha because of that. She said I could sleep next to her, but I couldn't touch her. Twice. After the second time she said 'ahh, just joking' and it left me confused. Anyway, feeling un-alpha and tired I laid down next to her and she quickly fell asleep. Man, I have to tell you, if there ever was a time my pride felt shattered like mirror that got hit by a hammer, it was this time. I've been studying PUA all that time, building up confidence and alpha composure all that time, and I slept with an attractive woman my age without having sex with her??!!?!?!?!?

I barely slept that night and felt terrible all through the night and the next day. It was horrible. Three days later I am still trying to recover to alpha inner game.

I just found out she has a boyfriend though (LOL) so I'm forgetting about her and focussing on getting my daygame running. It's necessary because all those mood swings affect my school work and life in general. I often sleep bad because I still don't get laid, too. It's pretty crazy, really. Sometimes I can go from completely unconfident to alpha in two minutes - and the other way around.

I'm typing with my head up high right now and realise it's time to take PUA to the next level. Wish me luck, boys!