Great Journal, Virgil. Yeah, I've always depicted the horse as the person's ideal lover as well. Flowers being children? Interesting, I've always interpreted them as friends when I do the cube, I guess that, like all routines, have adaptations.
I've recently discovered the two different alpha male styles myself. My findings were similar to yours. However, I believe you can mix them into one. I think I've managed that, or am on the path to doing so at least. I'm naturally the social alpha, I've enhanced this with taking even more of an "I don't give a fark attitude", but I also believe, in doing this, I've taken on some egotist alpha traits.
For example, if you're being social alpha, you're still doing what you want, a trait you linked to the egotist alpha, because you want to interact and that's what you're doing. If anyone responded to you in social alpha "mode", then you would still have the "that's you're problem" response.
With both styles, the core values are the same - Doing what you want to do and not caring what anyone else thinks, being confident in yourself etc.
I think you can find that balance. You seem to have said that the egotist alpha says what he wants and doesn't care, whilst the social alpha tries to please everyone. Why can't the social alpha say what he wants and not care? I find people respect you more if you say what you really think, not what they want to hear.
I may have misinterpreted what you were saying, but that's my grasp on it.
Hope all works out for you, man, and that smile comes back .
£: GeMiNi :&